I'm either drained, sad, or both.
I had a dream last night that I was in the back seat of a car, driving through the countryside of Maine, at a time of year, or a place far enough north, that the sun was constantly at a sunset-angle. The car kept coming to a stop and the trees would be illuminated in gold from the setting sun while dusk was creeping up behind them - that was always my favorite part about sunsets in Maine - and I kept reaching for my camera and the car would start going again. I could never catch a picture.
I was just reading that landscapes can represent where you are in your life or in relationships, and that changing scenery can represent psychological transitions or emotional progress. Also, to see the sunset in your dream indicates the end of a cycle or condition. It is a period of rest, contemplation and evaluation. And I am just going to quote the camera entry directly:
Camera
To see a camera in your dream signifies your desires to cling on and/or live in the past. Alternatively, it may indicate that you need to focus on a particular situation. Perhaps you need to get a clearer picture or idea.
To dream that the camera is broken indicates that you are ignoring an issue or refusing to see the big picture.
To dream that you cannot find your camera to take a picture implies that you are not focusing on the matter at hand. Your attention is too easily diverted. Alternatively, the dream refers to forgotten memories.
So, given that I can't get the camera in time, that would sort of correspond with the inability to find the camera portion of that, don't you think?
And I'm in a funny place. I have so much psychoanalysis of him and this situation bottled up that I want to run by him. He's someone who desires to talk through all his thoughts, so I know he would be open to hearing me on this. But I fear it would jeopardize the friendship I'm hoping to build with him. And should I present the idea of talking to him about it, I would then, of course, talk about my fear that it would jeopardize the friendship I'm hoping to build with him. And given all these things, he would then either A. Assure me that it wouldn't jeopardize our potential for friendship or B. Tell me it's up to me whether I think it's something I want to delve into. My hunch is that it would be A.
Also, I feel like I'd turned off my intellect for awhile. I stopped making political posts on facebook, stopped listening to NPR all the time, stopped talking and writing how I feel most comfortable talking and writing - FORMALLY. And now I don't want to put it away again, but I've got no outlet aside from here.
I've also now messaged a couple guys on OKCupid in the intellectual way that Tyler and I first corresponded, of course finding those certain people I felt that would be an appropriate way to write to them based on their profiles... and getting curt, short, surpised, or otherwise non-intellectual responses.
For the last two nights of choir rehearsals, all I've wanted to do was delve into them. Talk about the ways these choirs aren't quite to my standards, my choral pet peeves, more things I thought about to add to our previous conversations about my musical realizations and role in these choirs and their role in my learning... because he frequently would say something in a different conversation about what he was doing musically and say something like, "I know that's probably snobby of me, but..." And I'd never think it was... because I feel things in that way all the time.
I hadn't realized how much of me I was holding in.
I was just reading that landscapes can represent where you are in your life or in relationships, and that changing scenery can represent psychological transitions or emotional progress. Also, to see the sunset in your dream indicates the end of a cycle or condition. It is a period of rest, contemplation and evaluation. And I am just going to quote the camera entry directly:
Camera
To see a camera in your dream signifies your desires to cling on and/or live in the past. Alternatively, it may indicate that you need to focus on a particular situation. Perhaps you need to get a clearer picture or idea.
To dream that the camera is broken indicates that you are ignoring an issue or refusing to see the big picture.
To dream that you cannot find your camera to take a picture implies that you are not focusing on the matter at hand. Your attention is too easily diverted. Alternatively, the dream refers to forgotten memories.
So, given that I can't get the camera in time, that would sort of correspond with the inability to find the camera portion of that, don't you think?
And I'm in a funny place. I have so much psychoanalysis of him and this situation bottled up that I want to run by him. He's someone who desires to talk through all his thoughts, so I know he would be open to hearing me on this. But I fear it would jeopardize the friendship I'm hoping to build with him. And should I present the idea of talking to him about it, I would then, of course, talk about my fear that it would jeopardize the friendship I'm hoping to build with him. And given all these things, he would then either A. Assure me that it wouldn't jeopardize our potential for friendship or B. Tell me it's up to me whether I think it's something I want to delve into. My hunch is that it would be A.
Also, I feel like I'd turned off my intellect for awhile. I stopped making political posts on facebook, stopped listening to NPR all the time, stopped talking and writing how I feel most comfortable talking and writing - FORMALLY. And now I don't want to put it away again, but I've got no outlet aside from here.
I've also now messaged a couple guys on OKCupid in the intellectual way that Tyler and I first corresponded, of course finding those certain people I felt that would be an appropriate way to write to them based on their profiles... and getting curt, short, surpised, or otherwise non-intellectual responses.
For the last two nights of choir rehearsals, all I've wanted to do was delve into them. Talk about the ways these choirs aren't quite to my standards, my choral pet peeves, more things I thought about to add to our previous conversations about my musical realizations and role in these choirs and their role in my learning... because he frequently would say something in a different conversation about what he was doing musically and say something like, "I know that's probably snobby of me, but..." And I'd never think it was... because I feel things in that way all the time.
I hadn't realized how much of me I was holding in.