a belated howdy/ you can fight but you won't always win
Wow. It's been a quite a while since I last posted.
And a lot has changed.
I'm currently in the middle/south/almost west part of the country. I moved here a few months ago for employment reasons, and to say the least, I've started to adapt.
My last post in May was a very somber event. Reading it I can't believe that it was even this year. Nevermind the fact that it feels like summer hasn't ended as the days here are the northeastern equivalent of spring/summer almost all the time. My mental clock hasn't registered that it's what... eight days before Christmas? I was bitten by mosquitoes this week when it hit 80 degrees outside.
Most of my monetary issues were taken care of by the move to a cheaper locale with higher pay and less taxes. That said, many societal things I took for granted in New England are no longer apparent.
I don't feel lonely so much as I thought. While I miss my friends, there's a strong isolation mix of factors here since the population is car dependent. People also tend to live alone due to the cheap cost of housing.
The day to day life is pretty good. I have some of the permanent things I didn't have in New England (a real mattress, a vehicle, a comfortable place to cook meals with a full compliment of kitchen resources, cheaper books, a definite sense of place of my own). I'm missing some rights that I had in New England that this place will probably never have :) but I don't intend to get to that point here anyways.
My mood doesn't fluctuate like it did back home. I think I'm getting better sleep habits and therefore things are more steady. My anxiety is at about the same level.
What is striking is the perceived impermanence of 'good things' like sunlight, plentiful jobs, items to purchase, and the conspicuous over-consumption of things outside most people's means.
This is definitely not the land of subtle that I'm used to.
I'm not complaining that most days it's sunny, or that the job market here is great.
I can carry on pretty well for a while without needing another return visit to the Northeast. But I feel like when it comes to things that actually matter in one's life other than material possessions, they have it down pat. This place doesn't. That's what's underlying my the perplexity in my mood. How can you ignore the obvious for so long?
Private self-betterment is the new name of the game. I can't draw on my social friends for advice here because they have nothing to give. Life doesn't need that much thought - things just happen without rhyme or reason and, according to their many m.o.'s, you have little or no control over it. Total bull. But, alas, no one ever said I wasn't intelligent.
And a lot has changed.
I'm currently in the middle/south/almost west part of the country. I moved here a few months ago for employment reasons, and to say the least, I've started to adapt.
My last post in May was a very somber event. Reading it I can't believe that it was even this year. Nevermind the fact that it feels like summer hasn't ended as the days here are the northeastern equivalent of spring/summer almost all the time. My mental clock hasn't registered that it's what... eight days before Christmas? I was bitten by mosquitoes this week when it hit 80 degrees outside.
Most of my monetary issues were taken care of by the move to a cheaper locale with higher pay and less taxes. That said, many societal things I took for granted in New England are no longer apparent.
I don't feel lonely so much as I thought. While I miss my friends, there's a strong isolation mix of factors here since the population is car dependent. People also tend to live alone due to the cheap cost of housing.
The day to day life is pretty good. I have some of the permanent things I didn't have in New England (a real mattress, a vehicle, a comfortable place to cook meals with a full compliment of kitchen resources, cheaper books, a definite sense of place of my own). I'm missing some rights that I had in New England that this place will probably never have :) but I don't intend to get to that point here anyways.
My mood doesn't fluctuate like it did back home. I think I'm getting better sleep habits and therefore things are more steady. My anxiety is at about the same level.
What is striking is the perceived impermanence of 'good things' like sunlight, plentiful jobs, items to purchase, and the conspicuous over-consumption of things outside most people's means.
This is definitely not the land of subtle that I'm used to.
I'm not complaining that most days it's sunny, or that the job market here is great.
I can carry on pretty well for a while without needing another return visit to the Northeast. But I feel like when it comes to things that actually matter in one's life other than material possessions, they have it down pat. This place doesn't. That's what's underlying my the perplexity in my mood. How can you ignore the obvious for so long?
Private self-betterment is the new name of the game. I can't draw on my social friends for advice here because they have nothing to give. Life doesn't need that much thought - things just happen without rhyme or reason and, according to their many m.o.'s, you have little or no control over it. Total bull. But, alas, no one ever said I wasn't intelligent.