For intimacy to be possible, some things must be private
Thoughts on the FB Bra Color Meme
Several days ago I got a note from a Facebook friend. It asked me to post the color of the bra I was currently wearing as a one-word status update. A lot of people, of course, have gotten some version of this meme.
The notice I originally got didn't say anything about Breast Cancer Awareness, which is being attributed as the meme's orginal purpose. It was phrased as some "girly fun," with the implication that we girls could laugh at the clueless guys reading these updates and being none the wiser or better yet guessing the gag. Tee-hee.
I thought about participating, and rejected the idea. Anybody I want to know the color of my bra, will know it. To know what a color status means is to see it in the mind's eye. It's human nature. Did I want that kind of attention from my brothers-in-law, my husband's cousins and their children, my children's teachers, former boyfriends, people with whom I share hobbies...? No, I did not.
Women get a lot of messages from pop culture that to be flirty and intimate with guys, even random guys, is the way to being popular, accepted, etc. Why? Why would a woman or girl want to tell people the color of her underwear? To get attention, of course.
Teenagers are being warned not to "sext" (send nude or sexy photos via mobile phones to friends). You only see warnings like this in reporting when the activity in question is not only happening but widespread. Some teens who have engaged in this activity have found themselves charged with child pornography. I could dig out a link to an NPR story about it, but you can find it. Teenage years are meant for pushing and testing boundaries, but it didn't use to be quite so public as it is now with social media and a camera on every cell phone. Attention-getting requires more and more extreme revelations or behavior in such an environment.
I don't think I'm a prude. Many people probably wouldn't think so considering some of the books I read--popular SF-romance crossovers are a lot racier than some people might expect--and the fact that Watchman was one of my favorite movies from last couple of years. I guess I can't know for sure where I sit on the libertine to prude spectrum; maybe I'm not as centrist-to-left-centrist as I think. I am, on the other hand, certain that I am currently raising a daughter who is on the cusp of puberty. It's really hard to teach her that some things are private when popular culture contradicts that principle daily. What is intimacy if everything about a person is for public consumption? What is there to share with an intimate, if it's already there on your blog or Facebook profile? The value of space for intimacy is subtle when compared with with the value of attention-seeking behaviors.
I am all for breast cancer awareness. I have an aunt who is a survivor of that disease. But I don't think this is the right way to go about it. Room for real intimacy in one's life requires some things shouldn't be advertised.
Several days ago I got a note from a Facebook friend. It asked me to post the color of the bra I was currently wearing as a one-word status update. A lot of people, of course, have gotten some version of this meme.
The notice I originally got didn't say anything about Breast Cancer Awareness, which is being attributed as the meme's orginal purpose. It was phrased as some "girly fun," with the implication that we girls could laugh at the clueless guys reading these updates and being none the wiser or better yet guessing the gag. Tee-hee.
I thought about participating, and rejected the idea. Anybody I want to know the color of my bra, will know it. To know what a color status means is to see it in the mind's eye. It's human nature. Did I want that kind of attention from my brothers-in-law, my husband's cousins and their children, my children's teachers, former boyfriends, people with whom I share hobbies...? No, I did not.
Women get a lot of messages from pop culture that to be flirty and intimate with guys, even random guys, is the way to being popular, accepted, etc. Why? Why would a woman or girl want to tell people the color of her underwear? To get attention, of course.
Teenagers are being warned not to "sext" (send nude or sexy photos via mobile phones to friends). You only see warnings like this in reporting when the activity in question is not only happening but widespread. Some teens who have engaged in this activity have found themselves charged with child pornography. I could dig out a link to an NPR story about it, but you can find it. Teenage years are meant for pushing and testing boundaries, but it didn't use to be quite so public as it is now with social media and a camera on every cell phone. Attention-getting requires more and more extreme revelations or behavior in such an environment.
I don't think I'm a prude. Many people probably wouldn't think so considering some of the books I read--popular SF-romance crossovers are a lot racier than some people might expect--and the fact that Watchman was one of my favorite movies from last couple of years. I guess I can't know for sure where I sit on the libertine to prude spectrum; maybe I'm not as centrist-to-left-centrist as I think. I am, on the other hand, certain that I am currently raising a daughter who is on the cusp of puberty. It's really hard to teach her that some things are private when popular culture contradicts that principle daily. What is intimacy if everything about a person is for public consumption? What is there to share with an intimate, if it's already there on your blog or Facebook profile? The value of space for intimacy is subtle when compared with with the value of attention-seeking behaviors.
I am all for breast cancer awareness. I have an aunt who is a survivor of that disease. But I don't think this is the right way to go about it. Room for real intimacy in one's life requires some things shouldn't be advertised.