no-no's and go-go's
as i'm SURE you gathered from the subject line this is all about fashion do's and don't's. in other words the no-no's and the go-go's that were spotted this past weekend. expect to see these pics in all the most prestigious fashion magazines: vogue, vanity fair, W, and better homes and gardens. good thing you're on the inside and get special pre-viewing priveleges. i expect that you will be making appropriate changes to your wardrobe and behavior immediately.
..1
fashion no-no: never wear hoop earrings when you're a man
..2
fashion no-no: never wear new balances to the club. or disguisting flips that your feet are falling off of.
fashion go-go: ballet flats are so hot right now.
..3
fashion no-no: orange facial hair went out in... wait, orange facial hair was never in. and it never will be. (because it makes people wonder if the carpet matches the drapes)
..4
fashion no-no: leis are only acceptable in hawaii. and only when theyre made of real flowers, not old trash bags or cacti. you also never wear pins stating your marital status. it isn't cute.
on a side note, having the entire shape of your strapless bra visible is also unattractive.
..5
fashion no-no: again, unless you're in the islands this type of attire is unacceptable. THIS IS BALTIMORE
..6
fashion go-go: leaving your friends until the whole bar is empty isn't hot. but coming back and taking a picture with her makes up for it. and thats in.
..7
fashion go-go: always match your underwear to your outfit because you really never know.
..8
fashion go-go: if your friend decides she is going to hit the road, you always hit the road with her.
..9
fashion no-no: we only like grease when its the country. not when its on your shirt.
..10
fashion no-no: always remember to put your shirt on.
this one was so bad i had to hit him in the face with a piece of pizza (he was called pizza face for the rest of the night).
..11
fashion go-go: always stalk people who have your name on their shirt.
(in this pic her name is natalia. talia for short)
..12
fashion go-go: always wear your underwear on the outside. i mean if you've got it, flaunt it.
..13
fashion go-go: always be excited like a child on christmas when its your birthday. and always wear half of your hair pulled back and allow the other half to fly in the wind.
..14
fashion go-go: always be prepared for painting by never leaving the house without your paintbrush.
..15
fashion go-go: always look for new ways to increase your rate of alcohol ingestion.
..16
fashion no-no: who the fuck wears knee boots in july?
..17
fashion go-go: always pose with convincing scenery in the background.
..18
fashion go-go: always be a hot bitch.
..19
fashion go-go: always die laughing when your friend slips and falls. hold on to the wall for support if necessary.
..20
fashion go-go: always visit your friends in connecticut. and when they insist that more than 5 people live there show this pic as proof that there is nothing there except some mountains and water.
..21
fashion go-go: always be enthusiastic about alcohol.
..22
fashion go-go: always be slutty with your friends.
..23
fashion go-go: be sure to smile for pics even when your friend is in a choke hold.
..24
fashion no-no: man sandals. enough said.
..25
fashion go-go: popping your leg when kissing is so hot right now.
..26
fashion go-go: to give the impression that you are approximately the size of the empire state building, pose with girls who are 2.7 feet tall.
..27
fashion no-no: theres really no excuse to wear an earpiece in the club. that thing can be resting on your ear drum and you still won't hear whats being said. you arent fooling anyone and you aren't all that and a tie-dyed pair of socks.
..28
fashion go-go: always be the center of attention.
..29
fashion go-go: allowing the contents of your shirt to be visible is all the rage in europe. which means you should do it, of course. ideally you should show enough skin to make a porn star blush.
..30
fashion go-go: in order to give an effective lesson on how uncool lung cancer is, smoke the cigarette yourself. teaching through example is always the best policy.
..31
fashion go-go: boost me later!
..32
fashion go-go: always play twister. and always allow your friends face to be directly in your snatch.
..33
fashion go-go: always be a glam diva with your best friend's sisters (aka your sisters).
..34
fashion go-go: never turn down an offer to be groped.
..35
fashion no-no: never purposely expose your wildebeest of a chest.
please note what is happening to my hair in this pic. he is probably trying to steal it to make himself even more mammothalicious.
..36
fashion go-go: take time to stop and smell the roses.
..37
fashion no-no: NEVER wear bricks on your feet. clod-hopping went out in the 70s. if you would like to avoid looking like your friend who has clearly been wading in streams, try stilts instead.
..38
fashion go-go: if your own hair is messed up, then mess up your friends to match.
(here it was unintentional, but looking back we realized its a genius idea)
..39
fashion go-go: tucking your shirt into your underwear can help to avoid showing too much skin.
..40
fashion go-go: covering your eyes with a bracelet while driving can help to significantly reduce stress (and road rage)
..41
fashion go-go: use elvis's hair as an example of how your own should look.
..42
fashion go-go: always represent girl power with your vienna sausage fingers. and always be sure that your friend's hair is smelling fresh.
..43
fashion no-no: never put your friend in a position where she has to strain her brain to think of a nice way to ask you to please lift all of your body weight from her neck.
..44
where the fuck did her head go?
..45
fashion go-go: always prove how wasted you are to your mom by falling on her kitchen floor.
..46
fashion no-no: breaking your mom's fridge by falling on it is SO not cool.
..47
fashion go-go: cleaning up after yourself is a big turn on.
..48
fashion go-go: always pose with your dad's wood when you're on the phone with sabrina the teenage witch.
unfortunately these are all the fashion tips for this weekend. keep your eyes out for future installments of no-nos and go-gos.