FanFic: Forever Yours (Chapter 8)
Tegoshi sat at his table. A magazine was in front of him but he didn’t read a thing. He was thinking about Massu. Waiting for him. He promised to come by. Right when Tegoshi reached his home he called Massu and asked him to visit him. And now he was waiting. Every minute seemed to be an eternity. Finally, he heard the doorbell. He stood up immediately and walked to the door. But when he was in front of it he hesitated.
What should he say to Massu? Should he act normal?
The doorbell rang another time.
“It’s okay, Massu, I’m here”, said Tegoshi smiling as he opened the door.
“Ah, Tegoshi! Just wanted to see you! Is there something special? I mean you wanted me to come here, so?”
“Ah, no, I just missed you Massu! Come in, okay?”
Massu entered the room and put his jacket on the wardrobe.
“You are fast today. Were you at home?”, asked Tegoshi, not without ulterior motives. He stared curious at Massu.
“Ano, actually I wasn’t at home. I was shopping, you know? I bought some gorgeous new clothes. I saw a pink checkered pants! Isn’t that amazing?”
“So .. you weren’t at home then? I mean, where are your clothes now?”
Massu looked at him with big eyes.
“Do you want to tell me something, Tegoshi? Why are you asking so much?”
“Betsuni. I just thought that I saw you eating with another boy.”
Tegoshi looked at Massu with piercing eyes. Massu looked up in surprise from the magazine he glanced at.
“Ah .. you .. you know? You saw me?”
“You weren’t shopping, were you? Why didn’t you tell me this? Did you think I wouldn’t notice!? Just tell me if you don’t love me for real! Just tell me, okay!? That would be a lot better than getting to know it as the last one! Or see it with my own eyes! I so can’t believe it Massu. I thought you were the last one to betray me. But it seems like I was wrong, ne? Oh dear, Massu, do you really think that I’m that stupid!? I mean, that I wouldn’t notice? You’re the worst!”
He glared at Massu. The other boy was shocked and just sat at the table. Unable to move.
“Tegoshi, please, could you let me ex ..”
“NO, Massu, NO! I don’t want to hear anything! I don’t want to listen to your stories! You won’t deceive me, okay? You don’t deserve me! I’m going! And when I’m back, I hope you have left!”
Without looking back Tegoshi grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the door. Out of his own apartment. Leaving Massu behind.
***
Massu was still sitting there. Tegoshi left already for some minutes and he was still unable to move. He didn’t want all this to happen. Something went wrong. Terrible wrong. He did it all for Tegoshi. Probably he should run after Tegoshi. Should try to explain everything to him. He should try everything to make him believe that Massu didn’t betray him. But he couldn’t. His feet didn’t move.
He felt his phone vibrating. He left it in his pocket but it kept ringing. So, finally he pulled it out and accepted the call.
“Ah, Massu, finally you picked up! So, what are you doing this evening? How about going out and eat something? What do you think?”
“Ah .. no, I’m not hungry.”
“EEEEH? Massu!? Are you ill?”
“Yamapi, I need your help.”
***
Massu told Yamapi everything what happened. Yamapi seemed like he would have advices for Massu. He seemed to understand Massu from all of them the best.
“Oh, Massu. What have you done? That will be hard to fix.”
“I know, Pi. Just tell me what to do.”
“Don’t run after him. Let him alone.”
“What? I can’t let him alone, can I? I have to explain it all to him!” Massu was desperate.
“He needs time to think about everything. If he really loves you he wants to hear your explanation for sure, Massu. Just give him the time he needs, okay?”
“But who knows how much time it’ll be? I can’t wait to tell him the truth, Yamapi! But I’m afraid that he won’t believe me.”
“I can’t promise you that he’ll trust you, Massu. But you have to trust Tegoshi with this, okay? You can do it. Can I leave you alone now?”
“Ah, hai. I’m sorry for wasting yout time, Yamapi. Thank you, ne?”
“Ah, you’re welcome. I’m hanging up now. Good luck, Massu! Ganbatte!”
Massu heard Yamapi hanging and put the phone on the table.
*****
Tegoshi walked around. Without an aim to go. He wandered around. Thinking of what just happened. He couldn’t get the picture out of his head. Massu together with another guy, happy, smiling, joking around.
Massu. I thought you were the last one to betray me. I never thoughtof you in this way. You were my best friend for so many years. I thought I know you the best out of all? Seems like you fooled me. Why Massu?Why? What have I done to you that you make me suffer so much?I feel like my heart is broken in pieces. I can’t believe you’ve done that to me, Massu!
His head was full of questions. Questions and no answers. He walked around without noticing the things around him. He didn’t know how long he wandered around when he noticed that it was raining. He thought of the band and didn’t want to catch a cold so he decided to head back. He tried to see something through the rain but it was nearly impossible. He stopped for a moment to look for the way when he saw someone sitting in the rain. On a bench. Not moving at all. Tegoshi walked to the man without hesitation.
“Er .. are you okay? You’ll catch a cold! Don’t you want to go home?”
The man didn’t answer. He still sat there with his head down, looking to the ground.
“I’m worried about you! Please, come with me?”
He looked questioning at the man. As he didn’t move Tegoshi tried to pull him from the bench with all his might. He was completely drenched now. But he failed. The rain wasn’t as strong as before and since he was already drenched Tegoshi decided to sit there for a while. He sat down, his arms around his knees. He was looking to the other side as the man was sitting.
“Where’s Massu?”
Tegoshi looked shocked into the direction of the man. Why the hell did he know about Massu!?
“Ano .. Nishikido-kun .. is it you?”
No answer. Tegoshi was right.
“Nishikido-kun, why the hell are you here!? In the rain? You’ll catch a cold!”
“You don’t?”
Tegoshi didn’t answer.
“I asked you where Massu is, didn’t I?”
He looked questioning at the man beside him. Tegoshi felt his glance but he didn’t want to tell his whole life to this weird man, sitting in the rain, not moving at all.
Seconds seemed to be hours and Tegoshi still felt Ryo’s eyes.
“Aaah, okay! I’m telling you but stop looking at me, okay!?”
Tegoshi stared back at Ryo. He smiled satisfied and nodded before he took his eyes from Tegoshi and looked at something in front of him.
“Massu betrayed me”, said Tegoshi. And it was like he just realized it.
“Massu betrayed me!”, he said in a louder voice. Realizing it more and more.
“He cheated on me with another guy. I saw them today. With my own eyes. They were flirting in a café. Probably Massu thought that I wouldn’t see it. That I wouldn’t know it ever. But I’m more clever than he thought, ne? And I thought that he knows me well! And that I know him well! But I was wrong! So terrible wrong!”
A single tear ran down his cheek and was followed by several others. Tegoshi just sat there, staring at the ground. Waiting for Ryo’s reply. He was expecting pity from Ryo. But there was nothing in his face. It didn’t seem like he was saying something to calm Tegoshi down. To console him. He was just sitting there.
“You’re not going to say something?”
He shook his head.
Somehow Tegoshi felt good. It was good to talk about his problems. And he felt relieved that Ryo didn’t show pity for him. He was thankful to Ryo. Somehow he felt like he had to do something for Ryo as well. The silence between them was comfortable. It didn’t feel weird.
The rain nearly stopped but Tegoshi still saw the water pouring down. He looked up to the sky.
“Nishikido-kun .. how about you? You don’t want to tell me something?”
Tegoshi looked expecting at Ryo but he didn’t move at all. Tegoshi already gave up and enjoyed the silence when Ryo spoke up.
“Would you like to listen to my story, Tegoshi?”
Tegoshi didn’t know what to answer when Ryo looked at him with friendly eyes. Somehow, he looked so helpless. Tegoshi wanted to hug him. He seemed so lost. But he hadn’t lost his smile. Still. Tegoshi felt like he had to listen whatever happens in the next hours. He would be there for Ryo. He had to be there. He was a friend of his, wasn’t he?
“Of course, Ryo. I want to listen to you.”
He called him Ryo for the first time. Somehow he was afraid to use his name but Ryo didn’t react in an other way than normal. He turned his head away and seemed to think about where to begin.
“I don’t want to tell you a long story, Tegoshi.”
Tegoshi knew that Ryo hadn’t said anything yet. But his eyes filled with tears. Ryo spoke slow and with a serious voice. And Tegoshi felt honored to listen to this.
“Tegoshi .. my mother is ill.”
Silence. Tegoshi didn’t know what to say. He was speechless.
“I .. ill? How .. What do you mean by this? She’ll recover, will she?”
“No, she won’t.” Ryo still smiled. “It’s cancer, Tegoshi. She’s very ill already. I don’t know how long she’ll be able to hold on. And I’m still here. You understand? I’m not by her side. I’m still here, working. She probably thinks that I’m not thinking of her at all. I’m afraid of her thinking this. But I’m also afraid of seeing her. I don’t know if I’m able to take it. Probably it’s selfish but I love her too much…”
“Does someone know? Someone else than me?”
“Yeah. Ueda knows. I met him in a sad moment of mine.”
Tegoshi couldn’t hide his surprise but he tried to act normal.
“Sou ka. And .. this girl in the park? It was .. was your sister, right?”
“Ah, you know? It was her, yes.”
“The calls .. they were from your sister, too, right? She wanted you to come over?”
Ryo nodded. “She wanted me to see her. And she still wants me to. I know I should, Tegoshi. I know it is the right thing to do. But I’m unsure if I’m able to do the right thing. I was never good at things like saying goodbye, you know?”
Tegoshi was unsure as well. What to do, what to say.
“Ano .. Ryo .. I think, it’s okay what you’re doing ne. Just listen to your heart, it’ll lead you the right way.”
Tegoshi was surprised as he turned his head around and the smile was still on Ryo’s face.
“That’s it, Tegoshi. I don’t know what my heart’s saying, so. Somehow I want to see her so badly but somehow I can’t. I just can’t.”
“How about .. we’re going together?”
“You would do this for me? Are you sure?”
Ryo’s eyes were so honest. Tegoshi could see tears in them. The rain hadn’t stopped and Ryo’s face was wet. But Tegoshi could see the tears on his face. He knew that Ryo was the stronger one but suddenly Tegoshi wanted to console Ryo. He abandoned himself to an impulse and hugged Ryo tightly. Ryo’s face was at his chest and Tegoshi laid his onto Ryo’s shoulder, eyes closed. Ryo was crying quietly in his arms. He whispered “Thank you” in a low voice. Ryo was crying in Tegoshi’s arms, in the rain on a lonely bench. And although he was supposed to be sad Tegoshi felt happy.
************************************
Like I said .. it's my favourite chapter.
Actually I wanted to write another ending
but I just couldn't! It had to end with RyoTego.
At least for now ~
Well. I needed long for this.
I edited it all the time.
And I cried while writing this.
I became way too sentimental ..
Maria? I hope especially for you that it pleased you!
Comments are love ♥ :)
Oyasumi :)
What should he say to Massu? Should he act normal?
The doorbell rang another time.
“It’s okay, Massu, I’m here”, said Tegoshi smiling as he opened the door.
“Ah, Tegoshi! Just wanted to see you! Is there something special? I mean you wanted me to come here, so?”
“Ah, no, I just missed you Massu! Come in, okay?”
Massu entered the room and put his jacket on the wardrobe.
“You are fast today. Were you at home?”, asked Tegoshi, not without ulterior motives. He stared curious at Massu.
“Ano, actually I wasn’t at home. I was shopping, you know? I bought some gorgeous new clothes. I saw a pink checkered pants! Isn’t that amazing?”
“So .. you weren’t at home then? I mean, where are your clothes now?”
Massu looked at him with big eyes.
“Do you want to tell me something, Tegoshi? Why are you asking so much?”
“Betsuni. I just thought that I saw you eating with another boy.”
Tegoshi looked at Massu with piercing eyes. Massu looked up in surprise from the magazine he glanced at.
“Ah .. you .. you know? You saw me?”
“You weren’t shopping, were you? Why didn’t you tell me this? Did you think I wouldn’t notice!? Just tell me if you don’t love me for real! Just tell me, okay!? That would be a lot better than getting to know it as the last one! Or see it with my own eyes! I so can’t believe it Massu. I thought you were the last one to betray me. But it seems like I was wrong, ne? Oh dear, Massu, do you really think that I’m that stupid!? I mean, that I wouldn’t notice? You’re the worst!”
He glared at Massu. The other boy was shocked and just sat at the table. Unable to move.
“Tegoshi, please, could you let me ex ..”
“NO, Massu, NO! I don’t want to hear anything! I don’t want to listen to your stories! You won’t deceive me, okay? You don’t deserve me! I’m going! And when I’m back, I hope you have left!”
Without looking back Tegoshi grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the door. Out of his own apartment. Leaving Massu behind.
***
Massu was still sitting there. Tegoshi left already for some minutes and he was still unable to move. He didn’t want all this to happen. Something went wrong. Terrible wrong. He did it all for Tegoshi. Probably he should run after Tegoshi. Should try to explain everything to him. He should try everything to make him believe that Massu didn’t betray him. But he couldn’t. His feet didn’t move.
He felt his phone vibrating. He left it in his pocket but it kept ringing. So, finally he pulled it out and accepted the call.
“Ah, Massu, finally you picked up! So, what are you doing this evening? How about going out and eat something? What do you think?”
“Ah .. no, I’m not hungry.”
“EEEEH? Massu!? Are you ill?”
“Yamapi, I need your help.”
***
Massu told Yamapi everything what happened. Yamapi seemed like he would have advices for Massu. He seemed to understand Massu from all of them the best.
“Oh, Massu. What have you done? That will be hard to fix.”
“I know, Pi. Just tell me what to do.”
“Don’t run after him. Let him alone.”
“What? I can’t let him alone, can I? I have to explain it all to him!” Massu was desperate.
“He needs time to think about everything. If he really loves you he wants to hear your explanation for sure, Massu. Just give him the time he needs, okay?”
“But who knows how much time it’ll be? I can’t wait to tell him the truth, Yamapi! But I’m afraid that he won’t believe me.”
“I can’t promise you that he’ll trust you, Massu. But you have to trust Tegoshi with this, okay? You can do it. Can I leave you alone now?”
“Ah, hai. I’m sorry for wasting yout time, Yamapi. Thank you, ne?”
“Ah, you’re welcome. I’m hanging up now. Good luck, Massu! Ganbatte!”
Massu heard Yamapi hanging and put the phone on the table.
*****
Tegoshi walked around. Without an aim to go. He wandered around. Thinking of what just happened. He couldn’t get the picture out of his head. Massu together with another guy, happy, smiling, joking around.
Massu. I thought you were the last one to betray me. I never thoughtof you in this way. You were my best friend for so many years. I thought I know you the best out of all? Seems like you fooled me. Why Massu?Why? What have I done to you that you make me suffer so much?I feel like my heart is broken in pieces. I can’t believe you’ve done that to me, Massu!
His head was full of questions. Questions and no answers. He walked around without noticing the things around him. He didn’t know how long he wandered around when he noticed that it was raining. He thought of the band and didn’t want to catch a cold so he decided to head back. He tried to see something through the rain but it was nearly impossible. He stopped for a moment to look for the way when he saw someone sitting in the rain. On a bench. Not moving at all. Tegoshi walked to the man without hesitation.
“Er .. are you okay? You’ll catch a cold! Don’t you want to go home?”
The man didn’t answer. He still sat there with his head down, looking to the ground.
“I’m worried about you! Please, come with me?”
He looked questioning at the man. As he didn’t move Tegoshi tried to pull him from the bench with all his might. He was completely drenched now. But he failed. The rain wasn’t as strong as before and since he was already drenched Tegoshi decided to sit there for a while. He sat down, his arms around his knees. He was looking to the other side as the man was sitting.
“Where’s Massu?”
Tegoshi looked shocked into the direction of the man. Why the hell did he know about Massu!?
“Ano .. Nishikido-kun .. is it you?”
No answer. Tegoshi was right.
“Nishikido-kun, why the hell are you here!? In the rain? You’ll catch a cold!”
“You don’t?”
Tegoshi didn’t answer.
“I asked you where Massu is, didn’t I?”
He looked questioning at the man beside him. Tegoshi felt his glance but he didn’t want to tell his whole life to this weird man, sitting in the rain, not moving at all.
Seconds seemed to be hours and Tegoshi still felt Ryo’s eyes.
“Aaah, okay! I’m telling you but stop looking at me, okay!?”
Tegoshi stared back at Ryo. He smiled satisfied and nodded before he took his eyes from Tegoshi and looked at something in front of him.
“Massu betrayed me”, said Tegoshi. And it was like he just realized it.
“Massu betrayed me!”, he said in a louder voice. Realizing it more and more.
“He cheated on me with another guy. I saw them today. With my own eyes. They were flirting in a café. Probably Massu thought that I wouldn’t see it. That I wouldn’t know it ever. But I’m more clever than he thought, ne? And I thought that he knows me well! And that I know him well! But I was wrong! So terrible wrong!”
A single tear ran down his cheek and was followed by several others. Tegoshi just sat there, staring at the ground. Waiting for Ryo’s reply. He was expecting pity from Ryo. But there was nothing in his face. It didn’t seem like he was saying something to calm Tegoshi down. To console him. He was just sitting there.
“You’re not going to say something?”
He shook his head.
Somehow Tegoshi felt good. It was good to talk about his problems. And he felt relieved that Ryo didn’t show pity for him. He was thankful to Ryo. Somehow he felt like he had to do something for Ryo as well. The silence between them was comfortable. It didn’t feel weird.
The rain nearly stopped but Tegoshi still saw the water pouring down. He looked up to the sky.
“Nishikido-kun .. how about you? You don’t want to tell me something?”
Tegoshi looked expecting at Ryo but he didn’t move at all. Tegoshi already gave up and enjoyed the silence when Ryo spoke up.
“Would you like to listen to my story, Tegoshi?”
Tegoshi didn’t know what to answer when Ryo looked at him with friendly eyes. Somehow, he looked so helpless. Tegoshi wanted to hug him. He seemed so lost. But he hadn’t lost his smile. Still. Tegoshi felt like he had to listen whatever happens in the next hours. He would be there for Ryo. He had to be there. He was a friend of his, wasn’t he?
“Of course, Ryo. I want to listen to you.”
He called him Ryo for the first time. Somehow he was afraid to use his name but Ryo didn’t react in an other way than normal. He turned his head away and seemed to think about where to begin.
“I don’t want to tell you a long story, Tegoshi.”
Tegoshi knew that Ryo hadn’t said anything yet. But his eyes filled with tears. Ryo spoke slow and with a serious voice. And Tegoshi felt honored to listen to this.
“Tegoshi .. my mother is ill.”
Silence. Tegoshi didn’t know what to say. He was speechless.
“I .. ill? How .. What do you mean by this? She’ll recover, will she?”
“No, she won’t.” Ryo still smiled. “It’s cancer, Tegoshi. She’s very ill already. I don’t know how long she’ll be able to hold on. And I’m still here. You understand? I’m not by her side. I’m still here, working. She probably thinks that I’m not thinking of her at all. I’m afraid of her thinking this. But I’m also afraid of seeing her. I don’t know if I’m able to take it. Probably it’s selfish but I love her too much…”
“Does someone know? Someone else than me?”
“Yeah. Ueda knows. I met him in a sad moment of mine.”
Tegoshi couldn’t hide his surprise but he tried to act normal.
“Sou ka. And .. this girl in the park? It was .. was your sister, right?”
“Ah, you know? It was her, yes.”
“The calls .. they were from your sister, too, right? She wanted you to come over?”
Ryo nodded. “She wanted me to see her. And she still wants me to. I know I should, Tegoshi. I know it is the right thing to do. But I’m unsure if I’m able to do the right thing. I was never good at things like saying goodbye, you know?”
Tegoshi was unsure as well. What to do, what to say.
“Ano .. Ryo .. I think, it’s okay what you’re doing ne. Just listen to your heart, it’ll lead you the right way.”
Tegoshi was surprised as he turned his head around and the smile was still on Ryo’s face.
“That’s it, Tegoshi. I don’t know what my heart’s saying, so. Somehow I want to see her so badly but somehow I can’t. I just can’t.”
“How about .. we’re going together?”
“You would do this for me? Are you sure?”
Ryo’s eyes were so honest. Tegoshi could see tears in them. The rain hadn’t stopped and Ryo’s face was wet. But Tegoshi could see the tears on his face. He knew that Ryo was the stronger one but suddenly Tegoshi wanted to console Ryo. He abandoned himself to an impulse and hugged Ryo tightly. Ryo’s face was at his chest and Tegoshi laid his onto Ryo’s shoulder, eyes closed. Ryo was crying quietly in his arms. He whispered “Thank you” in a low voice. Ryo was crying in Tegoshi’s arms, in the rain on a lonely bench. And although he was supposed to be sad Tegoshi felt happy.
************************************
Like I said .. it's my favourite chapter.
Actually I wanted to write another ending
but I just couldn't! It had to end with RyoTego.
At least for now ~
Well. I needed long for this.
I edited it all the time.
And I cried while writing this.
I became way too sentimental ..
Maria? I hope especially for you that it pleased you!
Comments are love ♥ :)
Oyasumi :)