dont start to read unless you are going to finish it please.
i planned it all out while i couldnt stop crying. the next time someone calls me a robot or numb note this : i am not, i just dont cry infront of other people. w.e so i planned it out and re-wrote it in my mind over and over and over until i passed myself out to waltz #2. i decided i need to do this... then i woke up got going and then didnt say a fucking word. it might be for eht better b/c i go fucking things up but i cant leave my own mind.
its like you get these thoughts that can only go away if you sleep but you can sleep b/c the thoughts. so you never get anywhere, or maybe i just never get anywhere.
i need to get over myself and how ehk i become somtimes.
the people we are. we do something so much that it becomes a mystery. i can only say something so many times before i dont understand it anymore. that goes for thinking as well.
there have been three people who have told me the would wait and when i went looking they werent there so i just want everyone to know i would never do that b/c i know what it feels like to look for something that isnt. the thing is, how can you tell someone that, if you really are prepared.
im blaming myself but i still wonder why i do certain thigns. where do the roots come from? i plague i gave myself i blame someone ive never met for. But at least i know theres a problem there right?
so the thing is do i say somethign or not?
i wish that he hasnt gotten over things as much as i havent. its that whole "never be loved enough" disease.
yeah i dont think ill say it.. and i cant ask anyone for advice b/c noone knows what i have to say.
well see what happend and how much i feel he cares.. not in the sense of.. yeah nevermind well just see. in a way i want it to be.
sometimes you kidna wanna hint to people but if you know you hint then it takes a lot away from it huh? yeah.
whoa. i didnt mean to write this much. but really if someone thinks they might have an idea what im talking about without me having to say .. i guess thats what im going for... then let me know what you think i should do. if not.... no worries ill just wait thigns out till i drive myself insane. eh.
xx
p.s autumns monolgue has a different meaning then i thought. weird.
the sunrise isnt as pretty here as at the beach. i want to go back now. whoa. i feel really odd about this but i could ahve stayed at the beach till the end of the school year but i choose not to... then i yeah.. fucked things up. o0o but thats just me. i really like the new dashboard song too by the way.
one letter short.
its like you get these thoughts that can only go away if you sleep but you can sleep b/c the thoughts. so you never get anywhere, or maybe i just never get anywhere.
i need to get over myself and how ehk i become somtimes.
the people we are. we do something so much that it becomes a mystery. i can only say something so many times before i dont understand it anymore. that goes for thinking as well.
there have been three people who have told me the would wait and when i went looking they werent there so i just want everyone to know i would never do that b/c i know what it feels like to look for something that isnt. the thing is, how can you tell someone that, if you really are prepared.
im blaming myself but i still wonder why i do certain thigns. where do the roots come from? i plague i gave myself i blame someone ive never met for. But at least i know theres a problem there right?
so the thing is do i say somethign or not?
i wish that he hasnt gotten over things as much as i havent. its that whole "never be loved enough" disease.
yeah i dont think ill say it.. and i cant ask anyone for advice b/c noone knows what i have to say.
well see what happend and how much i feel he cares.. not in the sense of.. yeah nevermind well just see. in a way i want it to be.
sometimes you kidna wanna hint to people but if you know you hint then it takes a lot away from it huh? yeah.
whoa. i didnt mean to write this much. but really if someone thinks they might have an idea what im talking about without me having to say .. i guess thats what im going for... then let me know what you think i should do. if not.... no worries ill just wait thigns out till i drive myself insane. eh.
xx
p.s autumns monolgue has a different meaning then i thought. weird.
the sunrise isnt as pretty here as at the beach. i want to go back now. whoa. i feel really odd about this but i could ahve stayed at the beach till the end of the school year but i choose not to... then i yeah.. fucked things up. o0o but thats just me. i really like the new dashboard song too by the way.
one letter short.