(no subject)
Just to update y'all, on Friday I entered a competition to go and see the Manics on Monday, filming the Album Chart Show or something like that. I got a phone call at 3pm on Monday to say I'd won and could I be there by 6:15pm at the latest! Cue a frantic call to Miss Madeleine and a mad rush to wash and change out of my clothes from the weekend. They were on first and played 3 songs, 'Autumnsong' (the single), 'Indian Summer' and 'Rendition', before vacating the stage for that Akon bloke. So we left, and went to a pub for dinner, then went home! Twas kewl to win a competition, though! i never enter them out of cynicism, so its good to know they're not all rigged!
The fun was all a bit overshadowed by how my life just feels fucking shite right now. I'm just categorically unhappy. I know its the issue of being unemployed, of having so much work to do for college in September and no inspiration to do it, that my band never have the same free days or enough money to hire the practice room. I'm just a huge fucking mess. I feel like everything that will ever happen to me and everything I will ever do will never meet my expectations. I feel like life is shooting passed me while I've been faffing about what degree I want to do, where I want to live., who I want to hang out with, that now at 22 I feel like I barely have any history with anybody, that I've achieved nothing, and whats the point in trying now? It all feels too late. It feels like at my age most people are starting to dress sensibly, and have a plan and have a degree or some years of working towards a certain ambition behind them to bolster them. I don't have fuck all. I've changed my mind over and over again and I still have nothing because of it. I thought I had SAD and in the summer this stuff usually doesn't get to me so much, but this year it is, because I guess the real issue is that I've just fucked up my life!
I was initially going to rant about my boyfriend, with whom I've been fighting pretty much non-stop until half an hour ago. but I doubt he's got anything to do with the real problem. I think the real problem is the silence in this house, the fact that I don't feel close enough to anyone to ask for help, that I feel like I don't deserve it anyway because the mess my life in is very defnitely no one else's fault.
The fun was all a bit overshadowed by how my life just feels fucking shite right now. I'm just categorically unhappy. I know its the issue of being unemployed, of having so much work to do for college in September and no inspiration to do it, that my band never have the same free days or enough money to hire the practice room. I'm just a huge fucking mess. I feel like everything that will ever happen to me and everything I will ever do will never meet my expectations. I feel like life is shooting passed me while I've been faffing about what degree I want to do, where I want to live., who I want to hang out with, that now at 22 I feel like I barely have any history with anybody, that I've achieved nothing, and whats the point in trying now? It all feels too late. It feels like at my age most people are starting to dress sensibly, and have a plan and have a degree or some years of working towards a certain ambition behind them to bolster them. I don't have fuck all. I've changed my mind over and over again and I still have nothing because of it. I thought I had SAD and in the summer this stuff usually doesn't get to me so much, but this year it is, because I guess the real issue is that I've just fucked up my life!
I was initially going to rant about my boyfriend, with whom I've been fighting pretty much non-stop until half an hour ago. but I doubt he's got anything to do with the real problem. I think the real problem is the silence in this house, the fact that I don't feel close enough to anyone to ask for help, that I feel like I don't deserve it anyway because the mess my life in is very defnitely no one else's fault.