Building confidence...
Hi
I was looking for a way to write you after having heard the English versions of anime series. Too bad you have blocked the possibility of reacting to it, I loved your version, and I think you give the songs a special point of viu ~ Message I got from Favebook
you really should feel more confident i love ur voice and screw them haters HATERS GUNNA HATE (lol i sounded ghetto)
but if you feel more comfortable with the comments off you should try to become more comfy with them off so you can see that there are alot of ppl who like ur voice :3 ~ Message from YouTube
A month or so back, I disabled the ability to comment on a lot of my English fandubs. It was either I did that, or delete my YouTube channel and lose all 700 over of my subscribers. In the end, I decided it was only fair that I merely remove the ability to comment.
It has been a year since I posted up any dubs and the reasons are a mix of me being too busy, not having the right equipment and just not having the confidence for it. But it all came down to me just not being able to be happy about doing English fandubs anymore. For all these years, YouTube had become a source of my low self-esteem. The constant rain of hate and criticism did nothing to make me feel better about putting up my work online, especially when it came to singing. And all I can think of is how the internet is full of judgemental assholes who think they have every right to put you down because they have every right to.
When I try to be optimistic about this, I'd like to think the constant rain of hate and criticism is just a way of making me stronger, to be immune to it and that hey, bad publicity is still publicity regardless. But I think having grown up with low self-esteem, the hatred did more bad to me than I realised.
I recently decided to post up my fanfics on DeviantArt now since there was a demand for it, but I must admit it scared me a heck load to post it up there. My work is already linked and readily available on Fanfiction.net, and subconsciously I could see the faces of annoyed people who've seen my fanfics EVERYWHERE being very frustrated with me. I couldn't get the image out of my head, even though I knew it made no sense.
Then it hit me, I felt that way because I have received a comment on YouTube with someone being incredibly frustrated to see my English fandubs for the anime series NANA "EVERYWHERE". Meaning everytime he merely wanted to listen to NANA music, he would always stumble unto my dubs and HATE it. He threw his frustration out on one of my videos, claiming that my works are awful and that he was sick and tired of having to stumble on to them and that I should take them down.
I'm aware that not everyone is going to like my work, and I can understand the frustration of seeing something you dislike constantly shoved down your face. While my HiruMamo fics are generally liked, I'm no fool... I know SOMEONE out there's hating it. I know SOMEONE out there finds my work mediocre, my storlines cliched, cheesy, stupid. My writing vapid and predictable. I received one criticism, trying to claim that my musical stories are plagiarised, that I copy and pasted and just changed the names to my liking, even though it's totally untrue. Still, it has cemented the fact to me that someone out there is reading my work and hitting the back button as quickly as they can. And while that's fine with me, I wonder if me putting my fanfics everywhere will make them want to speak out like the hater I got on YouTube. And I'm afraid of that.
And this is exactly why I wanted to stop any form of comments coming in. While I adored the compliments and love I got for my fandubs on YouTube, sadly, the criticism stays in my head far more than the compliments. I tend to recall that one commenter saying how I sounded like a monkey having its brains removed while alive than the one who told me that I have a beautiful tone in my voice. I remember being accused of Xenophobia while I was in Perth and being all alone in my room, crying terribly at how some people viewed me on YouTube, rather than remembering the person who said my lyrics totally captured how they feel and that they wanted to sing it to a loved one. The pain I get from the criticism hits me more than the lovely comments.
I'm aware that I shouldn't listen to what YouTubers say. They are scum of the earth, they're trolls. But they're doing nothing to help me gain more confidence in myself, and it is something I desperately need in order to achieve bigger and greater things in my life. So while I may have blocked off my chances on getting more great comments on how my lyrics make others happy, I feel a lot better not having to wake up and reading hate mail to start my day.
For now, the last thing I need is for my fear to hold me back even when it comes to my writing. I'm very blessed to have people enjoy my writing so much and telling me so. They're the reason I've grown so confident in my ability to write. I stopped writing any form of fiction during my college and uni years because I was depressed and had no confidence in myself. But I finally decided to be happier and while I may not have a hundred reviews, none of my fics have reviews over 40, I'm happy. I have people who like what I do, and even if you can only count them on your fingers, each and every one of them count to me.
So instead of fearing the hatred I might get for posting my fics everywhere, I think having those few fans enjoying my fics count more than anything.
And maybe someday soon I'll be able to write lyrics, sing them with the confidence I'm slowly building for myself currently.
I was looking for a way to write you after having heard the English versions of anime series. Too bad you have blocked the possibility of reacting to it, I loved your version, and I think you give the songs a special point of viu ~ Message I got from Favebook
you really should feel more confident i love ur voice and screw them haters HATERS GUNNA HATE (lol i sounded ghetto)
but if you feel more comfortable with the comments off you should try to become more comfy with them off so you can see that there are alot of ppl who like ur voice :3 ~ Message from YouTube
A month or so back, I disabled the ability to comment on a lot of my English fandubs. It was either I did that, or delete my YouTube channel and lose all 700 over of my subscribers. In the end, I decided it was only fair that I merely remove the ability to comment.
It has been a year since I posted up any dubs and the reasons are a mix of me being too busy, not having the right equipment and just not having the confidence for it. But it all came down to me just not being able to be happy about doing English fandubs anymore. For all these years, YouTube had become a source of my low self-esteem. The constant rain of hate and criticism did nothing to make me feel better about putting up my work online, especially when it came to singing. And all I can think of is how the internet is full of judgemental assholes who think they have every right to put you down because they have every right to.
When I try to be optimistic about this, I'd like to think the constant rain of hate and criticism is just a way of making me stronger, to be immune to it and that hey, bad publicity is still publicity regardless. But I think having grown up with low self-esteem, the hatred did more bad to me than I realised.
I recently decided to post up my fanfics on DeviantArt now since there was a demand for it, but I must admit it scared me a heck load to post it up there. My work is already linked and readily available on Fanfiction.net, and subconsciously I could see the faces of annoyed people who've seen my fanfics EVERYWHERE being very frustrated with me. I couldn't get the image out of my head, even though I knew it made no sense.
Then it hit me, I felt that way because I have received a comment on YouTube with someone being incredibly frustrated to see my English fandubs for the anime series NANA "EVERYWHERE". Meaning everytime he merely wanted to listen to NANA music, he would always stumble unto my dubs and HATE it. He threw his frustration out on one of my videos, claiming that my works are awful and that he was sick and tired of having to stumble on to them and that I should take them down.
I'm aware that not everyone is going to like my work, and I can understand the frustration of seeing something you dislike constantly shoved down your face. While my HiruMamo fics are generally liked, I'm no fool... I know SOMEONE out there's hating it. I know SOMEONE out there finds my work mediocre, my storlines cliched, cheesy, stupid. My writing vapid and predictable. I received one criticism, trying to claim that my musical stories are plagiarised, that I copy and pasted and just changed the names to my liking, even though it's totally untrue. Still, it has cemented the fact to me that someone out there is reading my work and hitting the back button as quickly as they can. And while that's fine with me, I wonder if me putting my fanfics everywhere will make them want to speak out like the hater I got on YouTube. And I'm afraid of that.
And this is exactly why I wanted to stop any form of comments coming in. While I adored the compliments and love I got for my fandubs on YouTube, sadly, the criticism stays in my head far more than the compliments. I tend to recall that one commenter saying how I sounded like a monkey having its brains removed while alive than the one who told me that I have a beautiful tone in my voice. I remember being accused of Xenophobia while I was in Perth and being all alone in my room, crying terribly at how some people viewed me on YouTube, rather than remembering the person who said my lyrics totally captured how they feel and that they wanted to sing it to a loved one. The pain I get from the criticism hits me more than the lovely comments.
I'm aware that I shouldn't listen to what YouTubers say. They are scum of the earth, they're trolls. But they're doing nothing to help me gain more confidence in myself, and it is something I desperately need in order to achieve bigger and greater things in my life. So while I may have blocked off my chances on getting more great comments on how my lyrics make others happy, I feel a lot better not having to wake up and reading hate mail to start my day.
For now, the last thing I need is for my fear to hold me back even when it comes to my writing. I'm very blessed to have people enjoy my writing so much and telling me so. They're the reason I've grown so confident in my ability to write. I stopped writing any form of fiction during my college and uni years because I was depressed and had no confidence in myself. But I finally decided to be happier and while I may not have a hundred reviews, none of my fics have reviews over 40, I'm happy. I have people who like what I do, and even if you can only count them on your fingers, each and every one of them count to me.
So instead of fearing the hatred I might get for posting my fics everywhere, I think having those few fans enjoying my fics count more than anything.
And maybe someday soon I'll be able to write lyrics, sing them with the confidence I'm slowly building for myself currently.