Week 16
Well I don't smoke weed anymore and I find that so much of my life consisted of doing drugs that I can't seem to think of anything else fun to do other than to do drugs. Jim and I are together and things were alot better, but it seems that we are back at square one yet again. He decided to pick a fight with me today because I hang out with Fred...which I hardly ever go out anymore...and he was the one ditching me today anyway. So he went and got drunk which I knew was gonna happen. He was doing so good to we both were. We both went 2 weeks without alcohol/weed. But then like a dumbass I smoked a little today to get back at him. I feel dumb as hell about it. I don't know what to do I love Jim I really do, but things are getting bad between us. He's never gonna quit drinking and I have to realize that. So I need to decided what is best for me and the baby. I hate the fact that if I leave him I have to worry about a huge custody battle. I just never imagained that shit would come to this. Why is it that everything has to get so fucked up all the time?Anyone that I start to think may be the one always ends up having some huge flaw that destroys us. I just never thought that having a baby could be such a horrible experience. I have decided that I will take time to really think about things with Jim before I decide whether I am going to leave or stay, but I fear that it may be time for us to count our losses and go our seperate ways. Maybe I was wrong from the beginning.