Choclate is a Bandade
Well I am 15 weeks pregnant, fat, and miserable. I am happy about being pregnant. I went to my first ultrasound appt and it was the coolest thing in the world. I got to see my beautiful baby. It was so cute the baby moved and was sucking his thumb. I was like omg that's my baby. I made that. It's truly an amazing experience and I am glad that this time around I truly get to embrace it. I am due Oct 17th and am having the baby at St.Francis. Everyone is really excited about the baby. I still think that sometimes people second guess Jim and me and it kind of bothers me, but I don't really care what anyone thinks. All I care about is my baby. I quit smoking it's been like 2 mths already. I still crave a ciggerette all the time though.
I wish that I could say that everything else is going as well as the baby, but it's not. Jim and I are falling apart and I don't know what to do.We've been fighting lately (more like anytime that he gets drunk).Today we got into the worst fight we've ever had. It started because I was sleeping and Jim drunk and fucked up came in and started blaring the radio like he always does when he's drunk. I of course got upset and a fight escalated from there. It got physical and the cops got called also. It was pure Hell. I'm not sure how this happened to us we were so perfect. Everything was perfect and now it's all falling apart right in front of me. I packed all my stuff and left the apartment this morning and ignored his calls for the first couple hours. I tried calling him back later on and he didn't answer. Finally he called back and we talked, but things aren't my any means fixed. He is supposed to be coming over here so we can talk and try to work things out, but it has been 4 hrs and still no Jim. I talked to him and he says that he wants to see me, but he's just "dragging his ass". Whatever that means. I think that it means one or two things either he decided to mess around on me today or he fears the same thing I do...that there is no way to fix the damage that has been done. I love him so much and I know deep down that he loves me too, but he has to quit drinking. It's destroying us. When he isn't drinking we get along so good. I know that he is going to be a good dad, but I just wish that there was some way we could stay together and raise a family. I honestly think that he has fallen out of love with me and is just toughing it out for the sake of the baby. And I find myself questioning whether I'm still in love with him or not. I just can't believe that this is happening to me. I know that I have to stay strong for my baby and I am trying, but part of me just wants to give up. It sucks because the whole sitaution is fucked. I am happy that I am having a baby but at the same time I wish that it could have happened later on. But I am having a baby and that is a fact so now I need to do what is best for the baby no matter how much it hurts me.
I wish that I could say that everything else is going as well as the baby, but it's not. Jim and I are falling apart and I don't know what to do.We've been fighting lately (more like anytime that he gets drunk).Today we got into the worst fight we've ever had. It started because I was sleeping and Jim drunk and fucked up came in and started blaring the radio like he always does when he's drunk. I of course got upset and a fight escalated from there. It got physical and the cops got called also. It was pure Hell. I'm not sure how this happened to us we were so perfect. Everything was perfect and now it's all falling apart right in front of me. I packed all my stuff and left the apartment this morning and ignored his calls for the first couple hours. I tried calling him back later on and he didn't answer. Finally he called back and we talked, but things aren't my any means fixed. He is supposed to be coming over here so we can talk and try to work things out, but it has been 4 hrs and still no Jim. I talked to him and he says that he wants to see me, but he's just "dragging his ass". Whatever that means. I think that it means one or two things either he decided to mess around on me today or he fears the same thing I do...that there is no way to fix the damage that has been done. I love him so much and I know deep down that he loves me too, but he has to quit drinking. It's destroying us. When he isn't drinking we get along so good. I know that he is going to be a good dad, but I just wish that there was some way we could stay together and raise a family. I honestly think that he has fallen out of love with me and is just toughing it out for the sake of the baby. And I find myself questioning whether I'm still in love with him or not. I just can't believe that this is happening to me. I know that I have to stay strong for my baby and I am trying, but part of me just wants to give up. It sucks because the whole sitaution is fucked. I am happy that I am having a baby but at the same time I wish that it could have happened later on. But I am having a baby and that is a fact so now I need to do what is best for the baby no matter how much it hurts me.