Identity?
I've been thinking about identity lately and how I seem to have sort of shuffled mine off into the corner lately and all of a sudden, today I had a kind of epiphany/identity crisis/weird thing and I'm trying to figure out what it all means to me now.
1. Relationships
I am defined by the relationships I have with people. I am very willing to give my time to my good friends, I take my family for granted a little bit too much but I do love them and I love spending time with them when I feel like doing it (ha :/) and we're doing better now than we were a few years ago, so yay for progress! I have a long history of bad friendships, or at least friendships that ended badly, so I'm very grateful to the wonderful people I'm friends with now.
2. Appearance
Am I a blonde or a redhead? I've decided that I'm done with the business of hair dye until further notice. Although I love red hair, I'm sick of this roots and fading and not-the-right-color and does this look unnatural? and the way it looks in the light I'm usually in, and I just want to have my real-ass genuine "ash" blonde color and that's the end of that. :] Weight is a horrible topic and it is what it is and I know how I feel about it and I'm not going to talk about it on the internet. I will summarize, though, that I like my body type, I just don't like the specific measurements I'm at now and I want to get to a healthy place with this. Fashion is what it is as well. I can't accomplish what I want with fashion until I have a better canvas to work with. And to hell with all that "dress at any size" thing because I do try to do my own thing, but I'm not going to spend a ton of (my mom's) money on clothes that I'm hoping not to fit into after a certain period of time. Stupid idea. Trust me, my mindset is all nice and dandy about all of this. Moving on. I'm a bit iffy on the subject of more piercings and first tattoos. It's more of coming up with a solution that I will find meaningful/beautiful/easily changeable if I decide I hate it later on, and not interfering with my parent's/other people's opinions of me and/or my ablility to find work. I've pretty much accepted the way I see myself as a work in progress that I can hopefully identify with in full soon, but as for how other people see me, I can't really help that at all.
3. Inner Self
This is the tough part. I don't have any particular passions or hobbies that I WANT TO DO EVERY DAY. Right now, I listen to music, watch movies, play a lot of solitaire/spider solitaire, go to school, eat, sleep, learn, etc. It's a sad existence. I like college, bilingualism, fashion, post secret, 50 things, stumble upon, MCR's new blogging thing, youtube, netflix, steampunk, and I love how I can't even finish this list. I know things about myself, but I don't really know anymore what defines me. Well I should probably continue this, but I'm getting ready to head off to my room so I think I'll leave it at that. idk.
1. Relationships
I am defined by the relationships I have with people. I am very willing to give my time to my good friends, I take my family for granted a little bit too much but I do love them and I love spending time with them when I feel like doing it (ha :/) and we're doing better now than we were a few years ago, so yay for progress! I have a long history of bad friendships, or at least friendships that ended badly, so I'm very grateful to the wonderful people I'm friends with now.
2. Appearance
Am I a blonde or a redhead? I've decided that I'm done with the business of hair dye until further notice. Although I love red hair, I'm sick of this roots and fading and not-the-right-color and does this look unnatural? and the way it looks in the light I'm usually in, and I just want to have my real-ass genuine "ash" blonde color and that's the end of that. :] Weight is a horrible topic and it is what it is and I know how I feel about it and I'm not going to talk about it on the internet. I will summarize, though, that I like my body type, I just don't like the specific measurements I'm at now and I want to get to a healthy place with this. Fashion is what it is as well. I can't accomplish what I want with fashion until I have a better canvas to work with. And to hell with all that "dress at any size" thing because I do try to do my own thing, but I'm not going to spend a ton of (my mom's) money on clothes that I'm hoping not to fit into after a certain period of time. Stupid idea. Trust me, my mindset is all nice and dandy about all of this. Moving on. I'm a bit iffy on the subject of more piercings and first tattoos. It's more of coming up with a solution that I will find meaningful/beautiful/easily changeable if I decide I hate it later on, and not interfering with my parent's/other people's opinions of me and/or my ablility to find work. I've pretty much accepted the way I see myself as a work in progress that I can hopefully identify with in full soon, but as for how other people see me, I can't really help that at all.
3. Inner Self
This is the tough part. I don't have any particular passions or hobbies that I WANT TO DO EVERY DAY. Right now, I listen to music, watch movies, play a lot of solitaire/spider solitaire, go to school, eat, sleep, learn, etc. It's a sad existence. I like college, bilingualism, fashion, post secret, 50 things, stumble upon, MCR's new blogging thing, youtube, netflix, steampunk, and I love how I can't even finish this list. I know things about myself, but I don't really know anymore what defines me. Well I should probably continue this, but I'm getting ready to head off to my room so I think I'll leave it at that. idk.