I don't want to read any more teenage love things.
I don't know why, but I feel like crying.
I'm still overwhelmed, even now that school is out. I have so much to do and I'm only motivated to do it when I'm not at the right house.
I've become a different person and I can't explain it to myself. I don't want to look to other people for answers but I just can't get any perspective. I'm like a fucking nine sided dice and I can only see three sides at a time.
I have to change even more, because I have to be a better student. I have to get good grades, have better attendance, do my homework, pace myself on projects, discipline myself in my reading and writing, learn how to speak another language. I have to sacrifice whim for necessity.
I want to scream for not being able to talk to anyone.
I am going journal crazy. Finally.
I NEED SOMEONE TO ENABLE ME TO FULFILL MY NEEDS.
Would someone PLEASE just give me the money and the ride for fucking ONCE?!?! I need school supplies, I need to go browse stores so I can decide how to spend my money, I need to get out of the goddamn house, I need the freedom to complete the tasks I have appointed myself with. I need to grow the fuck up and yet I'm still confined to the house like a fucking twelve year-old. I'm 16, and guess how much it changed about my life? NADA. I didn't expect it to, but everyone else seems to.
I want Sam's Town by The Killers.
I want to travel.
I want to start with a real foundation.
I want a nuclear family.
I want to be able to run at night without being afraid of coyotes or weird people or violence.
I want better friendships.
I want a polaroid instant camera.
I want to try gelato.
I want to read Doestoevsky.
I want jeans that don't fucking fall apart.
I want to be a stronger person.
I want to be healthier.
I don't want society to end.
I want to stop caring about drama. helphelphelphelpshutthemup. fuck their issues.
Why do I own so much pointless shit?!??!
I can't breathe with all this thought happening in my head.
make me a better listener.
open my mind & my heart.
make me give a damn about school.
give me balance & patience.
I don't want to be a fucking artist.
I don't want to go to an art school where everyone thinks they're so fucking creative and wonderful and talented and DIFFERENT.
I don't really want to go to college for anyone's reasons but my own. And I don't know where I'm meant to go.
Why don't I feel like I have much of a future?
Why do I reject every profession that crosses my mind?
I want to work for Web-Bot. They sent out spiders that read the internet and make prophecies. I want to study diseases and pandemics. I want to study the path of trendsetting. I want to know where ideas start. I want, for once, to believe in originality.
I'm sicksicksick of watching people destroyed because of people ripping them off. (Youwillnotdestroyme.)
I don't want to watch MCR fall apart. Pleasepleaseplease just keep them together. Please. (This kind of wishing always fails. I just don't want to have another piece of my mind/heart/soul/wardrobe spinning out of control. I don't want to think of them as over. It's not dead yet, right? RIGHT?!?!? Fuck. Helpmeplease.)
Whoooooooooooo screams for iScream? iScam. iiiiiiiYouTube. iMe. iYou. iRoboticEveryone.
bahhhhhhhhhh.
whatthafuckwasthatallabout?
Shut it up.
I'm still overwhelmed, even now that school is out. I have so much to do and I'm only motivated to do it when I'm not at the right house.
I've become a different person and I can't explain it to myself. I don't want to look to other people for answers but I just can't get any perspective. I'm like a fucking nine sided dice and I can only see three sides at a time.
I have to change even more, because I have to be a better student. I have to get good grades, have better attendance, do my homework, pace myself on projects, discipline myself in my reading and writing, learn how to speak another language. I have to sacrifice whim for necessity.
I want to scream for not being able to talk to anyone.
I am going journal crazy. Finally.
I NEED SOMEONE TO ENABLE ME TO FULFILL MY NEEDS.
Would someone PLEASE just give me the money and the ride for fucking ONCE?!?! I need school supplies, I need to go browse stores so I can decide how to spend my money, I need to get out of the goddamn house, I need the freedom to complete the tasks I have appointed myself with. I need to grow the fuck up and yet I'm still confined to the house like a fucking twelve year-old. I'm 16, and guess how much it changed about my life? NADA. I didn't expect it to, but everyone else seems to.
I want Sam's Town by The Killers.
I want to travel.
I want to start with a real foundation.
I want a nuclear family.
I want to be able to run at night without being afraid of coyotes or weird people or violence.
I want better friendships.
I want a polaroid instant camera.
I want to try gelato.
I want to read Doestoevsky.
I want jeans that don't fucking fall apart.
I want to be a stronger person.
I want to be healthier.
I don't want society to end.
I want to stop caring about drama. helphelphelphelpshutthemup. fuck their issues.
Why do I own so much pointless shit?!??!
I can't breathe with all this thought happening in my head.
make me a better listener.
open my mind & my heart.
make me give a damn about school.
give me balance & patience.
I don't want to be a fucking artist.
I don't want to go to an art school where everyone thinks they're so fucking creative and wonderful and talented and DIFFERENT.
I don't really want to go to college for anyone's reasons but my own. And I don't know where I'm meant to go.
Why don't I feel like I have much of a future?
Why do I reject every profession that crosses my mind?
I want to work for Web-Bot. They sent out spiders that read the internet and make prophecies. I want to study diseases and pandemics. I want to study the path of trendsetting. I want to know where ideas start. I want, for once, to believe in originality.
I'm sicksicksick of watching people destroyed because of people ripping them off. (Youwillnotdestroyme.)
I don't want to watch MCR fall apart. Pleasepleaseplease just keep them together. Please. (This kind of wishing always fails. I just don't want to have another piece of my mind/heart/soul/wardrobe spinning out of control. I don't want to think of them as over. It's not dead yet, right? RIGHT?!?!? Fuck. Helpmeplease.)
Whoooooooooooo screams for iScream? iScam. iiiiiiiYouTube. iMe. iYou. iRoboticEveryone.
bahhhhhhhhhh.
whatthafuckwasthatallabout?
Shut it up.