Wandering For Love -chapter 26-
Title : Wandering For Love
Author : kame_kiyumi
Pairing : Akame
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Romance, friendship
Summary: When two persons meet one another at a cross-junction, will there be a turning point or everything will remain intact? Does true love come by so easily? What will true love bring upon to the two persons? Fate will decide them all. But before they can get the happiness they want, they have to cross a few obstacles…
A/N: Ahh due to some error with LJ, I have to pause at a weird ending for this chap... gomen. As usual, comments for this new update of W.F.L will be loved and treasured. Thanks! :)
Chapter 26:
Finally, it was time for them to bid their farewell as they still wanted Kazuya to have ample of rest. Hence, it was settled that Yamapi would be the one to send Jin home.
By the end of the whole interaction, Jin’s expression was already as blank as a piece of white, plain paper. He really couldn’t stand being around Kazuya and Keita any longer. He felt that his heart was torn into pieces and pieces. Just how much more could his heart been tear into? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know.
However, his mood was worsened even further when he heard that Keita was going to stay with Kazuya for a bit longer. His mood was totally dampened.
Was it jealousy or… envy or… misery that he was feeling?
“Kei, you are sure that you are going to stick around Kame for a while longer eh? Coz I will be sending Jin home, so I can send you home too, if you wish.”
“Nope, it’s really alright. I drive here myself actually. You should send Jin-kun home as soon as possible since he did not have a proper rest for more than a day already.” Keita gave an appreciative smile. “I think he’s really worn-out.”
Jin just forced a small, phony smile.
Hurt.
“Oh you drove here!?” Kazuya sounded amazed.
“Yes. Why, Kazu-chan? You find it amazing?” Keita was giggling.
“Not really…” Kazuya returned a sheepish smile and stuck out his tongue in a cute way that Jin doesn’t really felt familiar with. He saw the way Keita would cast those gentle glances at Kazuya who returned with a cute smile. He felt as if he’s being thrown down a cliff. He no longer felt the pain.
He only felt… dead.
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn’t or saying nothing and wishing you had?
The answer was obvious, wasn’t it?
Another person is waiting for you as I embraced our memories that couldn’t be erased.
Though I’ll love you forever, why…?
No one noticed the odd behavior of Jin, except for one attentive person. That attentive person decided to bring Jin away. He could feel that Jin was suffocating. He felt that things just went horribly wrong for Jin.
“Jin… ready to leave?”
The word ‘goodbye’ made my heart aches. The ‘goodbye’ that I’m not good at saying… There’s no way we will love each other again, is there?
Jin glanced up at the spoken person and nodded his head stiffly. Tears swarmed into his eyes uninvited. He managed to convince himself not to let his tears flow down his pale cheeks now.
‘Great. Now, my body feels like it is not even under my control anymore.’
“Yeah, Jin, you have better go home and have plenty of rest ne. And, thank you very much for last night again and today as well.” Kazuya expressed his appreciation again.
Jin nodded stiffly, stood up rigidly and mumbled a ‘good night’ and a ‘goodbye’ awkwardly to Keita and Kazuya before spinning around solidly to take his leave.
Before he walked out of the room, he turned and spoke, directing his words to Keita. “Keita… can you please take good care of Kazuya? Though he is feeling better now, but I’m sure somehow he is still feeling weak.” Not once, did he look back at Kazuya. He knew that once he cast a glance over, that’s it. He would collapse. He doesn’t want that to happen. Not now.
Never would that happen.
The time that we spent together runs along just like a light. Your innocent face, smiling awkwardly, I really like it. But… it’s no longer of my possession.
“Erm, sure.” Keita replied, feeling a bit strange about Jin’s unusual behavior. He turned to Kazuya who could only stare at Jin dumbfounded.
Did he hear right? Jin told Keita… that.
“Jaa ne~ I will come and visit you again, Kame-chan!” Yamapi waved as if he didn’t notice about the tense, somber atmosphere and strolled towards Jin.
‘Did Jin… misunderstand anything?’ Kazuya felt disturbed over the fact that Jin… did not even speak up to ten sentences with him tonight! He couldn’t comprehend why Jin was behaving this way. He felt a tinge of stabbing pain when he saw how Yamapi draped a firm arm over Jin’s shoulders and dragged Jin, whose head was hanging low, out of the room.
~*~
Each step that Jin had taken, had seemed to be a step further away from Kazuya. The moment the main gate of Kamenashi’s Residence had shut closed, Jin felt totally defeated. Warm teardrops slide down his cheek silently, disclosing his devastated, shattering heart.
‘I am out now. Out of his life… Every step I take now seems to be telling me that I am walking out of his life… and I don’t want that.’
He did not even realize when and how he had gotten into Yamapi’s car and was already now on the way back to his house.
“Ne… Jin, are you… having any troubles?” Yamapi broke the hard silence with quite an effort. He was careful to choose the words he used, lest he would destroy Jin with it. He was very sure that Jin’s vulnerable enough now to even get killed by the words he used.
Jin turned his head over and looked at Yamapi. Jin stared at him for a long time, before he decided to keep quiet and returned his gaze back to the passing scenery whooshing past outside.
Jin’s silence was enough to answer Yamapi’s question though, in the latter’s opinion. He understood the whole situation. There was no doubt. Because he could clearly see jealousy, envy, hurt and something he couldn’t put his hands on in Jin’s eyes. But one thing he’s extremely sure of was Jin felt utterly defeated and miserable.
Yamapi cleared his throat softly and spoke up again. “Well, Jin… I know what’s been on your mind… actually I can sense your feelings towards Kame-chan too…” He turned to see Jin staring at him astonished. “You need not feel surprised though. You are too obvious or well, should I say that my instinct is quite good in fact.” He let out a small smile in which Jin snorted at that.
Jin knew he shouldn’t deceive Yamapi yet he couldn’t bring himself to divulge the truth either. Either ways were just as bad. They wouldn’t make things any better than what they were now.
Therefore, Jin decided to ask something else that he has just remembered. “But… didn’t you notice just now? Kame held onto Keita’s hand during our meals. I mean… we normally won’t do that under ordinary circumstances, right? Maybe he really does like Keita…” Jin blurted out in a hurtful tone which he tried to hide but to no avail.
“Well… Jin, there is this something you need to get used to. Kame-chan ne, he will always tend to hold people’s hand when he is too engrossed during conversations or chats. Probably during drinking sessions too. He has always been like this since young. He finds it to be alright and normal, even though we won’t normally do that. So, it doesn’t mean anything too major. Don’t take it to heart, alright?”
“Really?” Jin asked hopefully.
“Yeah, he always did that. With me too, not just Keita. But… he only does it with people he’s very comfortable with.”
“I see…”
‘So in that case, he’s not comfortable with me?’
“Anyway, just… you know envy and jealousy can kill one person and then indirectly ruin the relationship. It can take a good relationship away from you unknowingly. They are demons.” He saw how Jin directed his full attention to him. “Never be envious of other people because God treats everyone fair and square. One thing others own may not be of your possession but who knows? Maybe they don’t own the ones you own too. Don’t force anything. Things that are rightfully yours, they will always be yours. Even if you try to throw them away, they will eventually find means and ways to return to you. So treasure what you have, for one cannot be greedy.”
Jin glanced back at Yamapi who returned a warm smile. He nodded his head twice slowly and looked out of the window…
‘Pi’s right… Maybe I should…’
That night, Jin reached home with a heavy heart. He felt suffocated. It seemed like Yamapi was the only one who saw his hopeless tears, his painful hurt, and his heart bleeding and dying.
I’m being imprisoned in a room that is the furthest away from joyous laughter. I spent the confinement alone, loneliness swam around me.
Jin knew he needed to find someone to talk to. His best buddy. Ryo.
He knew Ryo’s mean words could pierce through his heart like sharp and cruel knifes but he still wanted to listen to it because as the saying goes, ‘true words are always hurtful’. It was just appropriate to say that he understood this statement to the fullest now.
He wanted to know and understand the whole situation now so that he could make a good decision. But what was this decision going to be? No one knows.
Jin only knew one thing… his heart was bleeding profusely now, it might even stop beating. Since the reason for his heart to continue beating has diminished, he sees no point where his heart could be warmed up like before… Probably, he should let his heart be freeze into ice.
If your heart is not with me, I won’t ask for you to stay by me. Instead of making that irresponsible decision, I will choose to walk away and leave you.
~*~
“Hey! Kame-chan! Welcome! Ran-chan’s and Vanilla’s food are finishing soon?” Junno greeted and waved passionately and flashed his million-dollar smile at the newly arrived regular customer.
“Junno! Yeah, absolutely~ that’s why I decided to make a trip down today.” Kazuya smiled back and noticed that Ueda and Koki were packing and arranging the packets of dog food onto the shelves. He made a move over and greeted them too.
After purchasing Ran-chan and Vanilla-chan, he has been making trips back to this particular shop, he did not even thought of why in the first place didn’t he decide to go to other pet shops and make purchases since all the brands and prices were kind of standardized. He only realized that he loves the comfortable and friendly ambience in this shop after coming back for a couple of times. From then on, he made friends with another two workers there whom he already knew by heart, Junno and Nakamaru, saved for the other two whom he have met on his first visit.
He always visits this pet shop with Jin without fail, therefore, the six of them are very good friends with each other. Yamapi would join them occasionally too. So whatever problems they were facing or when they were feeling down, they would always come over and have a chat with the other four. Sometimes, they would meet and have dinner together too.
But today, it was different. He came to this shop without Jin, for the first time. The other four could sense that Kazuya just doesn’t look and felt the same, until Nakamaru decided to ask.
“Kame-chan, where is Jin? He did not come with you today?”
Kazuya’s face turned pale slightly and he hurried to shake his head. “No.”
Frankly speaking, he did not get into contact with Jin much, ever since the night Jin left his house. He tried calling Jin but all he got was Jin giving him excuses like he’s busy with his job or not having extra time to meet up with him.
Kazuya felt downcast. He didn’t understand what had happened. He tried asking Yamapi but the latter did not help much either when he told Kazuya that Jin was trying to sort out his thoughts.
Thoughts. What thoughts?
Kazuya really don’t comprehend so he remained to keep quiet and left Jin alone for a couple of days.
“I see. But Jin never fails to leave you to come alone…” Koki piped in.
“Oh… he’s kind of busy these few days so I have to come alone. I will be getting some pet food for Chocolate as well.” With that, he hurried off to pick up a basket and disappeared down the aisles of shelves.
Ueda, given his sensitive radar, sensed something was unusual with Kazuya so he stood up and went after him.
“Kame-chan, is there something wrong?”
“Hmm?” Kazuya looked up from the packet of dog food he’s holding. “Nope, nothing is wrong, Tat-chan.” Ueda could see the smile Kazuya gave him, doesn’t reach his eyes at all.
“Are you sure?”
“Hmm… Yeah. Oh anyway, Tat-chan, you know, Vanilla-chan’s rightful owner will return to Japan soon. I am sure Keita will love Vanilla-chan as much as I do.”
“Will he love Vanilla as much as what Jin does too?” Ueda did not answer but popped a question in return.
“Yes, I am sure of that.” Kazuya offered another small smile.
Ueda looked at Kazuya for a long time before he spoke up again. “Something is really wrong, isn’t it? You avoided the topic on Jin.”
Kazuya gave Ueda a look that immediately exposed him.
“What happened?”
Kazuya did not answer but tears started to form in his eyes and within a second, tears started rolling down his cheeks. Ueda was stunned by this and hurried to pull Kazuya back to the counter. The other three workers all gave Ueda a stupefied look that seemed to be asking ‘what the heck had just happened there’. Ueda shrugged his shoulders and brought out a chair for Kazuya to sit on.
“Kame-chan…” Koki started but was interrupted by Kazuya.
“I am alright. Thanks for your concern.”
“But…” Nakamaru was about to protest when Kazuya spoke up again.
“But, can you all listen to me for a while?”
Author : kame_kiyumi
Pairing : Akame
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Romance, friendship
Summary: When two persons meet one another at a cross-junction, will there be a turning point or everything will remain intact? Does true love come by so easily? What will true love bring upon to the two persons? Fate will decide them all. But before they can get the happiness they want, they have to cross a few obstacles…
A/N: Ahh due to some error with LJ, I have to pause at a weird ending for this chap... gomen. As usual, comments for this new update of W.F.L will be loved and treasured. Thanks! :)
Chapter 26:
Finally, it was time for them to bid their farewell as they still wanted Kazuya to have ample of rest. Hence, it was settled that Yamapi would be the one to send Jin home.
By the end of the whole interaction, Jin’s expression was already as blank as a piece of white, plain paper. He really couldn’t stand being around Kazuya and Keita any longer. He felt that his heart was torn into pieces and pieces. Just how much more could his heart been tear into? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know.
However, his mood was worsened even further when he heard that Keita was going to stay with Kazuya for a bit longer. His mood was totally dampened.
Was it jealousy or… envy or… misery that he was feeling?
“Kei, you are sure that you are going to stick around Kame for a while longer eh? Coz I will be sending Jin home, so I can send you home too, if you wish.”
“Nope, it’s really alright. I drive here myself actually. You should send Jin-kun home as soon as possible since he did not have a proper rest for more than a day already.” Keita gave an appreciative smile. “I think he’s really worn-out.”
Jin just forced a small, phony smile.
Hurt.
“Oh you drove here!?” Kazuya sounded amazed.
“Yes. Why, Kazu-chan? You find it amazing?” Keita was giggling.
“Not really…” Kazuya returned a sheepish smile and stuck out his tongue in a cute way that Jin doesn’t really felt familiar with. He saw the way Keita would cast those gentle glances at Kazuya who returned with a cute smile. He felt as if he’s being thrown down a cliff. He no longer felt the pain.
He only felt… dead.
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn’t or saying nothing and wishing you had?
The answer was obvious, wasn’t it?
Another person is waiting for you as I embraced our memories that couldn’t be erased.
Though I’ll love you forever, why…?
No one noticed the odd behavior of Jin, except for one attentive person. That attentive person decided to bring Jin away. He could feel that Jin was suffocating. He felt that things just went horribly wrong for Jin.
“Jin… ready to leave?”
The word ‘goodbye’ made my heart aches. The ‘goodbye’ that I’m not good at saying… There’s no way we will love each other again, is there?
Jin glanced up at the spoken person and nodded his head stiffly. Tears swarmed into his eyes uninvited. He managed to convince himself not to let his tears flow down his pale cheeks now.
‘Great. Now, my body feels like it is not even under my control anymore.’
“Yeah, Jin, you have better go home and have plenty of rest ne. And, thank you very much for last night again and today as well.” Kazuya expressed his appreciation again.
Jin nodded stiffly, stood up rigidly and mumbled a ‘good night’ and a ‘goodbye’ awkwardly to Keita and Kazuya before spinning around solidly to take his leave.
Before he walked out of the room, he turned and spoke, directing his words to Keita. “Keita… can you please take good care of Kazuya? Though he is feeling better now, but I’m sure somehow he is still feeling weak.” Not once, did he look back at Kazuya. He knew that once he cast a glance over, that’s it. He would collapse. He doesn’t want that to happen. Not now.
Never would that happen.
The time that we spent together runs along just like a light. Your innocent face, smiling awkwardly, I really like it. But… it’s no longer of my possession.
“Erm, sure.” Keita replied, feeling a bit strange about Jin’s unusual behavior. He turned to Kazuya who could only stare at Jin dumbfounded.
Did he hear right? Jin told Keita… that.
“Jaa ne~ I will come and visit you again, Kame-chan!” Yamapi waved as if he didn’t notice about the tense, somber atmosphere and strolled towards Jin.
‘Did Jin… misunderstand anything?’ Kazuya felt disturbed over the fact that Jin… did not even speak up to ten sentences with him tonight! He couldn’t comprehend why Jin was behaving this way. He felt a tinge of stabbing pain when he saw how Yamapi draped a firm arm over Jin’s shoulders and dragged Jin, whose head was hanging low, out of the room.
~*~
Each step that Jin had taken, had seemed to be a step further away from Kazuya. The moment the main gate of Kamenashi’s Residence had shut closed, Jin felt totally defeated. Warm teardrops slide down his cheek silently, disclosing his devastated, shattering heart.
‘I am out now. Out of his life… Every step I take now seems to be telling me that I am walking out of his life… and I don’t want that.’
He did not even realize when and how he had gotten into Yamapi’s car and was already now on the way back to his house.
“Ne… Jin, are you… having any troubles?” Yamapi broke the hard silence with quite an effort. He was careful to choose the words he used, lest he would destroy Jin with it. He was very sure that Jin’s vulnerable enough now to even get killed by the words he used.
Jin turned his head over and looked at Yamapi. Jin stared at him for a long time, before he decided to keep quiet and returned his gaze back to the passing scenery whooshing past outside.
Jin’s silence was enough to answer Yamapi’s question though, in the latter’s opinion. He understood the whole situation. There was no doubt. Because he could clearly see jealousy, envy, hurt and something he couldn’t put his hands on in Jin’s eyes. But one thing he’s extremely sure of was Jin felt utterly defeated and miserable.
Yamapi cleared his throat softly and spoke up again. “Well, Jin… I know what’s been on your mind… actually I can sense your feelings towards Kame-chan too…” He turned to see Jin staring at him astonished. “You need not feel surprised though. You are too obvious or well, should I say that my instinct is quite good in fact.” He let out a small smile in which Jin snorted at that.
Jin knew he shouldn’t deceive Yamapi yet he couldn’t bring himself to divulge the truth either. Either ways were just as bad. They wouldn’t make things any better than what they were now.
Therefore, Jin decided to ask something else that he has just remembered. “But… didn’t you notice just now? Kame held onto Keita’s hand during our meals. I mean… we normally won’t do that under ordinary circumstances, right? Maybe he really does like Keita…” Jin blurted out in a hurtful tone which he tried to hide but to no avail.
“Well… Jin, there is this something you need to get used to. Kame-chan ne, he will always tend to hold people’s hand when he is too engrossed during conversations or chats. Probably during drinking sessions too. He has always been like this since young. He finds it to be alright and normal, even though we won’t normally do that. So, it doesn’t mean anything too major. Don’t take it to heart, alright?”
“Really?” Jin asked hopefully.
“Yeah, he always did that. With me too, not just Keita. But… he only does it with people he’s very comfortable with.”
“I see…”
‘So in that case, he’s not comfortable with me?’
“Anyway, just… you know envy and jealousy can kill one person and then indirectly ruin the relationship. It can take a good relationship away from you unknowingly. They are demons.” He saw how Jin directed his full attention to him. “Never be envious of other people because God treats everyone fair and square. One thing others own may not be of your possession but who knows? Maybe they don’t own the ones you own too. Don’t force anything. Things that are rightfully yours, they will always be yours. Even if you try to throw them away, they will eventually find means and ways to return to you. So treasure what you have, for one cannot be greedy.”
Jin glanced back at Yamapi who returned a warm smile. He nodded his head twice slowly and looked out of the window…
‘Pi’s right… Maybe I should…’
That night, Jin reached home with a heavy heart. He felt suffocated. It seemed like Yamapi was the only one who saw his hopeless tears, his painful hurt, and his heart bleeding and dying.
I’m being imprisoned in a room that is the furthest away from joyous laughter. I spent the confinement alone, loneliness swam around me.
Jin knew he needed to find someone to talk to. His best buddy. Ryo.
He knew Ryo’s mean words could pierce through his heart like sharp and cruel knifes but he still wanted to listen to it because as the saying goes, ‘true words are always hurtful’. It was just appropriate to say that he understood this statement to the fullest now.
He wanted to know and understand the whole situation now so that he could make a good decision. But what was this decision going to be? No one knows.
Jin only knew one thing… his heart was bleeding profusely now, it might even stop beating. Since the reason for his heart to continue beating has diminished, he sees no point where his heart could be warmed up like before… Probably, he should let his heart be freeze into ice.
If your heart is not with me, I won’t ask for you to stay by me. Instead of making that irresponsible decision, I will choose to walk away and leave you.
~*~
“Hey! Kame-chan! Welcome! Ran-chan’s and Vanilla’s food are finishing soon?” Junno greeted and waved passionately and flashed his million-dollar smile at the newly arrived regular customer.
“Junno! Yeah, absolutely~ that’s why I decided to make a trip down today.” Kazuya smiled back and noticed that Ueda and Koki were packing and arranging the packets of dog food onto the shelves. He made a move over and greeted them too.
After purchasing Ran-chan and Vanilla-chan, he has been making trips back to this particular shop, he did not even thought of why in the first place didn’t he decide to go to other pet shops and make purchases since all the brands and prices were kind of standardized. He only realized that he loves the comfortable and friendly ambience in this shop after coming back for a couple of times. From then on, he made friends with another two workers there whom he already knew by heart, Junno and Nakamaru, saved for the other two whom he have met on his first visit.
He always visits this pet shop with Jin without fail, therefore, the six of them are very good friends with each other. Yamapi would join them occasionally too. So whatever problems they were facing or when they were feeling down, they would always come over and have a chat with the other four. Sometimes, they would meet and have dinner together too.
But today, it was different. He came to this shop without Jin, for the first time. The other four could sense that Kazuya just doesn’t look and felt the same, until Nakamaru decided to ask.
“Kame-chan, where is Jin? He did not come with you today?”
Kazuya’s face turned pale slightly and he hurried to shake his head. “No.”
Frankly speaking, he did not get into contact with Jin much, ever since the night Jin left his house. He tried calling Jin but all he got was Jin giving him excuses like he’s busy with his job or not having extra time to meet up with him.
Kazuya felt downcast. He didn’t understand what had happened. He tried asking Yamapi but the latter did not help much either when he told Kazuya that Jin was trying to sort out his thoughts.
Thoughts. What thoughts?
Kazuya really don’t comprehend so he remained to keep quiet and left Jin alone for a couple of days.
“I see. But Jin never fails to leave you to come alone…” Koki piped in.
“Oh… he’s kind of busy these few days so I have to come alone. I will be getting some pet food for Chocolate as well.” With that, he hurried off to pick up a basket and disappeared down the aisles of shelves.
Ueda, given his sensitive radar, sensed something was unusual with Kazuya so he stood up and went after him.
“Kame-chan, is there something wrong?”
“Hmm?” Kazuya looked up from the packet of dog food he’s holding. “Nope, nothing is wrong, Tat-chan.” Ueda could see the smile Kazuya gave him, doesn’t reach his eyes at all.
“Are you sure?”
“Hmm… Yeah. Oh anyway, Tat-chan, you know, Vanilla-chan’s rightful owner will return to Japan soon. I am sure Keita will love Vanilla-chan as much as I do.”
“Will he love Vanilla as much as what Jin does too?” Ueda did not answer but popped a question in return.
“Yes, I am sure of that.” Kazuya offered another small smile.
Ueda looked at Kazuya for a long time before he spoke up again. “Something is really wrong, isn’t it? You avoided the topic on Jin.”
Kazuya gave Ueda a look that immediately exposed him.
“What happened?”
Kazuya did not answer but tears started to form in his eyes and within a second, tears started rolling down his cheeks. Ueda was stunned by this and hurried to pull Kazuya back to the counter. The other three workers all gave Ueda a stupefied look that seemed to be asking ‘what the heck had just happened there’. Ueda shrugged his shoulders and brought out a chair for Kazuya to sit on.
“Kame-chan…” Koki started but was interrupted by Kazuya.
“I am alright. Thanks for your concern.”
“But…” Nakamaru was about to protest when Kazuya spoke up again.
“But, can you all listen to me for a while?”