single, unavailable, and lovin' it :)
It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you
You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you
When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another, I hope (s)he looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too
So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you
Maybe not another 'you' - I think I want someone (not entirely) different the next time :) But then again, I'm a sucker for the same things that I see in someone, so who knows!
Was talking to Mummy over lunch today, and as usual she said many things that make sense today. And she's really very proud of me at how I managed to bounce back surprisingly fast from the heartbreak and all. (The entire world really thinks I'm an emotionally-wrecked person - even I thought so! - but I guess I'm really a happy optimist deep deep down.) I won't deny that I was really really heartbroken, bitter, angry, hurt, disappointed and hateful after the break-up, but along the way, with all the help from my friends and family around me and all the various outlets that I have in life, I picked up the pieces of my broken heart, and myself. My heart's not whole yet - I still don't trust easily and I still get upset sometimes (it's normal c'mon!) - but at least it's no longer in shambles :)
That said, over the past few days of extreme zen-hood and epiphanies, I have come to understand that I'm no longer searching. I'm not searching for revenge, I'm not searching for closure (okay maybe I still am), I'm not searching for the past, I'm not searching for him, I'm not searching for someone new.. and most importantly, I'm not searching for love anymore. I'm not ready to open my heart up to anyone yet, and who says that's a bad thing? (And no, no more stupid rebounds because I'm a big girl now. No more childish stuff!) I'm loving the no need for expectations, accountability and ceaseless waiting that comes with a relationship.. and boy it's surprisingly carefree :))
I can't believe it took me only 5 weeks to put it down and move on (I thought I was a more emo person can!), and accept that nothing's gonna bring us back to the way it was one year ago. We're never gonna be that pair of lovebirds in our own little bubble again, but that's okay. What's important is to be thankful for a year of memories, for the love I received, for the times that my days were brightened because of him and the special something we shared. So, thank you YOU :)
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Yay, so with that behind me now (okay fine disclaimer: not 100% yet but 98% already!), it's time to full throttle ahead for finals! I have officially 12 days before my first paper, so let's go TYL and friends! :D