(no subject)
The moment I got on the first plane home, he had slipped out of my thoughts. I would remember something of him and smile to myself. That's as far as my missing went. I thought of how I was going home to see my pigs, and soon, I would see Takashi.
My heartbeat went wild as I was choked with the raw emotion merely his name spoken in my mind elicited. Even now, typing of him, my heart skips a beat or five. I was sitting thinking of him when I got a text: "Do you miss me yet?" I could feel the disappointment fill me.
No, you are not the one that I miss. I was not thinking of you. But a part of me is still "his girl," so I faithfully reply, "Funny you should ask - I was just about to write on your Facebook saying that I did! :)" A lie, of course. I was thinking about writing it before his girl disappeared again.
Lately, she was only there when in his presence, or returning from it. She constantly speaks his name in conversations because she desperately wants some memory of him to survive. She defends him, because she is his girl.
She's gone, and only I am left. A part of me is still his girl, but the rest of me reaches with every inch of body and soul toward Takashi. Stay, they weep. Don't go. But to keep him here would be the height of selfishness. The plan is quite simple, and it shouldn't be so hard for me to stick to it:
From the 27th until the beginning of June, he will be here. I thought I had a small window of three days, but it appears that I have about a week. The plan is to tell him all that I have and do feel, and reassure him that his happiness is my top priority. Reciprocation is more than I can ask for, so I am prepared for any and all other replies other than that.
Now, knowing that there is so much time, my resolve wavers. How will I do this? I don't want to tell him on the first night, when he's getting settled into the house and catching up, since it's been about three years since we've seen each other in person (maybe more). What about the second? Then I'd have to face him every day after that, knowing that he knows. Could I do that?
My entire family knows. He'll want to spend time with everyone for the last time. What if they mistakenly don't leave me enough time? If I wait until the last night, he may arrive in Japan with a confused heart. I might not even get to say anything other than a final, "I love you. Please be happy." That would accomplish nothing, except to anger me.
I would like to purchase 1 (one) Empathy Gun from the universe of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That way, I could just shoot him with it multiple times, and he'd instantly understand exactly how I feel. Still, I can't always rely on something like that. Discussion will probably be better for the both of us in the long run.
I'm just trying to run away from it, like I do with all my problems. /EPIC FAIL.
My heartbeat went wild as I was choked with the raw emotion merely his name spoken in my mind elicited. Even now, typing of him, my heart skips a beat or five. I was sitting thinking of him when I got a text: "Do you miss me yet?" I could feel the disappointment fill me.
No, you are not the one that I miss. I was not thinking of you. But a part of me is still "his girl," so I faithfully reply, "Funny you should ask - I was just about to write on your Facebook saying that I did! :)" A lie, of course. I was thinking about writing it before his girl disappeared again.
Lately, she was only there when in his presence, or returning from it. She constantly speaks his name in conversations because she desperately wants some memory of him to survive. She defends him, because she is his girl.
She's gone, and only I am left. A part of me is still his girl, but the rest of me reaches with every inch of body and soul toward Takashi. Stay, they weep. Don't go. But to keep him here would be the height of selfishness. The plan is quite simple, and it shouldn't be so hard for me to stick to it:
From the 27th until the beginning of June, he will be here. I thought I had a small window of three days, but it appears that I have about a week. The plan is to tell him all that I have and do feel, and reassure him that his happiness is my top priority. Reciprocation is more than I can ask for, so I am prepared for any and all other replies other than that.
Now, knowing that there is so much time, my resolve wavers. How will I do this? I don't want to tell him on the first night, when he's getting settled into the house and catching up, since it's been about three years since we've seen each other in person (maybe more). What about the second? Then I'd have to face him every day after that, knowing that he knows. Could I do that?
My entire family knows. He'll want to spend time with everyone for the last time. What if they mistakenly don't leave me enough time? If I wait until the last night, he may arrive in Japan with a confused heart. I might not even get to say anything other than a final, "I love you. Please be happy." That would accomplish nothing, except to anger me.
I would like to purchase 1 (one) Empathy Gun from the universe of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That way, I could just shoot him with it multiple times, and he'd instantly understand exactly how I feel. Still, I can't always rely on something like that. Discussion will probably be better for the both of us in the long run.
I'm just trying to run away from it, like I do with all my problems. /EPIC FAIL.