everything is easy if you just play dead
you know, i was having a great day. then at the end of the day, i was walking with katie and dekki, and dekki is looking thru katies camera, and says "is this you, jeremy?" and i look, and guess who it is? bj....
life is toying with me...i swear it is. one minute, i think everything is ok, and the next, i wanna slam my head against the wall. its confusing. not to mention, my heart is being jerked around...its no ones fault but mine. i just think too much...
she means more to me than anyone before. and that scares me. it really does. i think about situations where i would gladly sacrafice myself for her. and i want her to be happy. and i want to be happy. and frankly, without her, theres no possible way i can be at this moment. it sucks, because i took things for granted and never realized how much i loved her till i lost her. i just feel...lost? is that the word? i dont know...
also, this whole kelly thing has pissed me off to no end. somehow, its all my fault? im glad shes happy. but when she blames all of this on me, thats ridiculous. before she met mike, she was telling me how she missed me. while they were seeing each other, she told me how she missed me. and since they started going out (up until she decided to be really dick to me and not want to be friends), she said she missed me. so somehow, i dont think its my fault that certain things were discussed. i know it wouldnt have worked anyway, but i was hurt. vulnerable...and i needed something static. so, when it was discussed, i thought she would be the one to make me happy again. but after everything that has happened, everything people tell me, and everything i hear from her friends, im just sick of it. i did love her, i think. but the fact is, she changed so much. and i really dont know who she is anymore. she used to be sweet, caring, and nice. now, its the complete opposite. i do know one thing though... there will never be another her and me...because i dont think ive ever been hurt this much by one person, or pushed away like this. "best friends" my ass. its sad, i suppose...alot of people thought her and i would be those two kids who stayed together throughout high school. ohhhh welll. i really hope she isnt doing all of this in an attempt to get over me, and using mike to do so. cause thats pretty dick...but its definatley possible, as on a few occasions different people told me this. i have no sympathy for mike though. the gay bashing went just too far. its one thing if a friend jokes with me about it, but its another when someone is doing to hurt you. that just doesnt fly with me. so for all i care, those two can ride off in the sunset, or burn up like 90% of high school relationships.
wow...i really need a cigarette. and im all out.
bury the difference,
x j x
life is toying with me...i swear it is. one minute, i think everything is ok, and the next, i wanna slam my head against the wall. its confusing. not to mention, my heart is being jerked around...its no ones fault but mine. i just think too much...
she means more to me than anyone before. and that scares me. it really does. i think about situations where i would gladly sacrafice myself for her. and i want her to be happy. and i want to be happy. and frankly, without her, theres no possible way i can be at this moment. it sucks, because i took things for granted and never realized how much i loved her till i lost her. i just feel...lost? is that the word? i dont know...
also, this whole kelly thing has pissed me off to no end. somehow, its all my fault? im glad shes happy. but when she blames all of this on me, thats ridiculous. before she met mike, she was telling me how she missed me. while they were seeing each other, she told me how she missed me. and since they started going out (up until she decided to be really dick to me and not want to be friends), she said she missed me. so somehow, i dont think its my fault that certain things were discussed. i know it wouldnt have worked anyway, but i was hurt. vulnerable...and i needed something static. so, when it was discussed, i thought she would be the one to make me happy again. but after everything that has happened, everything people tell me, and everything i hear from her friends, im just sick of it. i did love her, i think. but the fact is, she changed so much. and i really dont know who she is anymore. she used to be sweet, caring, and nice. now, its the complete opposite. i do know one thing though... there will never be another her and me...because i dont think ive ever been hurt this much by one person, or pushed away like this. "best friends" my ass. its sad, i suppose...alot of people thought her and i would be those two kids who stayed together throughout high school. ohhhh welll. i really hope she isnt doing all of this in an attempt to get over me, and using mike to do so. cause thats pretty dick...but its definatley possible, as on a few occasions different people told me this. i have no sympathy for mike though. the gay bashing went just too far. its one thing if a friend jokes with me about it, but its another when someone is doing to hurt you. that just doesnt fly with me. so for all i care, those two can ride off in the sunset, or burn up like 90% of high school relationships.
wow...i really need a cigarette. and im all out.
bury the difference,
x j x