I think I made a mistake
So the last couple weeks have been... in a word, difficult. I'm desperately trying to give Bill his space and allow him to figure things out on his own. Although I'd really rather just tell him how much I'm hurting, I've done that before and it got me nowhere. I think he's under the impression that the counselor will shed some light on things
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Bill's behaviour = Marc's behaviour.
Since months, he did not let me approach him. When we are outside, he does not let me take his hand. If I come to give him a kiss, he moves head up so I cannot reach his face. I did not had sex since 9 months. Since some weeks, he lets me hug him, but he takes very much care that there is no kiss. In bed, he is back to me.
There are days, when I am depressed and he notices, then he takes me in his arms and gives tenderness, however still without kiss. But the day after, we are back to usual or even worse, as if he want to compensate that he did a bit too much the day before.
It is terrible.
I believe Marc loves me but is affraid about staying with me because he has lost trust in us.
He wants to stay with me but fear that same problem could repeat again in the future.
So, he needs time to rebuild some more trust. And in the mean time, I suffer.
A while ago, I have decided that what I want ise to be with him. Therefore, I stay and accept the situation and I will do so as long as I can. And if I should realise that I can no more bear it sometimes, then I will tell him and go on with life, with or without him, depending on his decision at that time.
I think you are more or less in exactly the same situation. It is up to you to decide if you are ready to suffer the time that Bill will need to take final decision, or if you can no more bear it. Nobody can takes that decision for you. Only you can decide what you are ready to do or not. Don't let others push you in one direction or the other. They are not you. And girl, beside all that, kick your own ass and go to a councellor. You need a neutral person to talk to. That will be the only way for you to be taken out of the spirale. For now you let yourself sliding down and that serves no purpose.
You expect Bill to act, but on your side, you do not act. You just wait and complain as if you would go through the worst ever. It is not the case. Open your eyes and hear a bit at the TV news. You are a lucky girl in life. So yes, you are having a hard phase and the end of it is not for tomorrow. But come back on earth. Relationship problems, as hard as they can be, are not the end of the world.
Take care, because for now, you are allowing the hurting to overwhelm everything in your life. You let it blinding you. You seem no more able to take distance. Things are no more in perspective. This will soon - if not already - impact on your health. Please girl, do me a favour, go to a councellor NOW. If Bill has done it, the less you can do is doing it too. Beside, I am sorry to ask that, but could it be that you start a little depression? Answer that question honestly to yourself and if you feel there could be a risk with that, go to a doctor also. The way you are crying all the time could be a symptom you should consider seriously.
All in all, you need to bring things back into proper perspective.
The problem for us here is that we are far away and we get only a truncated view of the situation. So our comments are not necessarily adapted. I hope I said nothing wrong. Shell, please, react.
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