(no subject)
So I have finally been to all classes. It is going to be a tough semester but I think I can do it. There are people in my classes that were in my classes last semester. Last semester they treated me like we were friends, and this summer a couple of us kept in touch a little through our busy schedules and I was looking forward to seeing them again. Well the past two days I feel like I have been shunned. Well maybe not shunned.. I cant describe it, but it seems like they don't want to have anything to do with me, and it seems like they talk about me behind my back. Last time I checked I was nothing but nice to these people and truthfully it pisses me off and hurts my feelings to be treated like this. I have been treated like this all my life by people that were supposed to be my "friends" and I am sick of it. I want to know what I did, and what gives them the right to act like that. I know that sometimes I can be hyper and act silly or childish, but who doesnt? This was the first time I had seen them since the summer, and I am sorry that I was excited to start school and see my "friends". I want to confront them about it, but I fear it will only make it worse. I have said so many times before that I feel like the only friend I have here that I see on a regular basis is my boyfriend. There are a couple of people that I really need to hang out with more, but we are very busy people and well I loved having a friend in my classes that I could talk to and work together with. I had that last year, but this year, I am afraid to befriend anyone because of the simple fact of what has happened. I know that my self esteem is really low, and I keep trying to tell myself it is all in my head, but they don't even say hello to me, and when I do try to have a conversation with them they ignore me or answer me in that tone. I don't want to be rude and just ignore them, but it is so hard to be nice to someone who doesn't appreciate it, and at the same time.. I want to kill them with kindness. I feel like this is my high school senior year all over again, and that scares the living ___ out of me. I hated my senior year, and I wanted my senior year in college to be great! I wanted to leave here with great friendships and all that. I guess I was dreaming huh?
I think the worst thing about the whole situation is that this is only the 5th day of classes, and my second day. I already get this vibe from them after 2 days??? I really want to cry, but I really want to be strong. Those of you that know me... know that this is the worst thing that someone I considered a friend can do to me, or well its what hurts me the most. Oh well I know that I cant let that get in the way of doing well in my classes, so I am going to try not to think about it. I need to get in the bed.. long day tomorrow...
chelly
I think the worst thing about the whole situation is that this is only the 5th day of classes, and my second day. I already get this vibe from them after 2 days??? I really want to cry, but I really want to be strong. Those of you that know me... know that this is the worst thing that someone I considered a friend can do to me, or well its what hurts me the most. Oh well I know that I cant let that get in the way of doing well in my classes, so I am going to try not to think about it. I need to get in the bed.. long day tomorrow...
chelly