Plogviehze, Baby: 11/14

[latin_doll]

Prologue | Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Am not all that happy with this chapter, but meh. There's cuteness. There's cabbage. There's bashing of polka dots, for a change.

Comments

[amazon_syren]

Not much sanity to find in places where any notion of future only ever reached as far as the next battle, or until spring. And maybe that was why Polly had said what she said. It didn't mean anything; there was too little context for it to mean anything in.

She listened for a a while. Mal's heartbeat sounded faint and grew fainter as the time passed. She felt she was being watched, but that was almost okay. The inside of the coach really was quite nice, and safe.

Ooo! I like this little addition! :-D

There was more rumbling and the head vanished.
Although that should also be 'creeking', yes? :-)

Also, it occurs to me: Polly's a sergeant (and one who's still alive, no less) -- how can she not be good at sneaking? Particularly with the new Leet Vampire Skillz?

It was where you spent your life, not your holidays.
I like this line, too. Although perhaps you should also not be applying for the job of Sto Plains Minister of Tourism. ;-)

the sound of the Ankh rumpling along...Rumpling? (I realize the Ankh is pretty sluggish and,

[latin_doll]

Changed the rumbling to creaking, and also found out that I meant the Ankh to be rumbling, not rumpling (rumbling in the sense of something mostly solid, but moving). Does that make sense?

The sneaking thing is a real blunder, though. Wasn't thinking. Changed it to "she wasn't good at the sneaking business this early in the morning".

Re: Minister of Tourism: I can only think of one man worthy of the job: that sausage guy whose name I forgot. Dibbler something.

Thanks for the extra commentary :D

[amazon_syren]

Re: Rumbling: Perhaps 'churning'. It's not a sound, but I think it would work better.
"Rumble" is something done by thunder, earthquakes, and heavy trucks on gravel roads. It's not a sound associated with liquid -- even nearly-solid liquid. :-)

Re: Early in the morning: That works. :-)

Gods, Dibbler... I just wouldn't want to know...

[latin_doll]

Awrigh', it be churnin' now. Only I only ever associated that with stomachs, but meh.

[amazon_syren]

Very appropriate for the Anhk, then, isn't it? :-)