road trip??
so we left sunday to take a 5 day 'road trip' to LA, California. fuck that. i don't know why i even thought it was going to be fun... because it's not fun at all. we're all treating each other like shit, and why? because we can't fucking get anything right. we just stress out and exhauste ourselves... i hate this feeling. my family is like that, we always stress out... always. bleh... i just need to go to college and be away from the stress and the yelling and the hardship. life is so shitty sometimes, i don't understand how it can be the two extremes... in one week or less too.
so on the long drive with my mommy... which was so boring because all it was was a bunch of desert, and cows and randome houses in the middle of no where, but my mom was really fun to talk to and then we both decided that my dad can't make decisions very well. but anyways... that's not my story. during my 8 hour drive i thought about my life and who i am and what i want. i want to live an independent documentary film about the life i wish i lived. and that's pretty strange if you ask me, but then again, i'm a strange person. but i don't know why i want to live that life. i've been told that i'm beautiful, boys said they love me, i kissed a boy the way i wanted it to be... but i'm not satisfied. something is missing... i feel like all i ever do is dream about how my life should be. i'm too busy dreaming, maybe i'm missing out on the living. i have the greatest friends anyone could ask for, my parents have always helped me if i needed, i know what i want out of life... but i just can't have it all. i just feel like i'm always trying to live a different life, that's why i always try to help everyone i can. that way i'm not focused on my trouble, and i get the chance to feel and learn something new. i'm always gonna be like that, i'm always gonna need to take care of someone, to nurture them, to listen to them... to do something that will take me away from what i want and need. because the things i want and need are there... yet i look right past them.
obviously i seem to be the problem. i'm always the problem... and i think i'm ok with that.
well.... i'm in gallup, new mexico, and there is nothing but desert here... and cows and random houses in the middle of no where. i miss charlotte and my friends and i want to be with them because they make me smile and laugh... and right now all i'm doing is crying because this is fucking shitty!!! but whatever... life goes on and i'm gonna have to go on with it.... or so i'm told.
talk to you guys soon from the land of honey and milk... California.
Love you so much more than you can imagine!
Mor
so on the long drive with my mommy... which was so boring because all it was was a bunch of desert, and cows and randome houses in the middle of no where, but my mom was really fun to talk to and then we both decided that my dad can't make decisions very well. but anyways... that's not my story. during my 8 hour drive i thought about my life and who i am and what i want. i want to live an independent documentary film about the life i wish i lived. and that's pretty strange if you ask me, but then again, i'm a strange person. but i don't know why i want to live that life. i've been told that i'm beautiful, boys said they love me, i kissed a boy the way i wanted it to be... but i'm not satisfied. something is missing... i feel like all i ever do is dream about how my life should be. i'm too busy dreaming, maybe i'm missing out on the living. i have the greatest friends anyone could ask for, my parents have always helped me if i needed, i know what i want out of life... but i just can't have it all. i just feel like i'm always trying to live a different life, that's why i always try to help everyone i can. that way i'm not focused on my trouble, and i get the chance to feel and learn something new. i'm always gonna be like that, i'm always gonna need to take care of someone, to nurture them, to listen to them... to do something that will take me away from what i want and need. because the things i want and need are there... yet i look right past them.
obviously i seem to be the problem. i'm always the problem... and i think i'm ok with that.
well.... i'm in gallup, new mexico, and there is nothing but desert here... and cows and random houses in the middle of no where. i miss charlotte and my friends and i want to be with them because they make me smile and laugh... and right now all i'm doing is crying because this is fucking shitty!!! but whatever... life goes on and i'm gonna have to go on with it.... or so i'm told.
talk to you guys soon from the land of honey and milk... California.
Love you so much more than you can imagine!
Mor