May 31, 2005 01:01
Please feel free to ignore this entry.
But I can't sleep... no I can't breathe...
I'm barely hanging on. -K*Clarkson
But really... I can't sleep. I'm exhausted, but here I sit.
I am sick of it all - sick of the bullshit, the lies, the games, and all of the unneeded pain.
The only thing worse than not knowing what you want is realizing that you knew all along... but were afraid you could never have it.
Cell phone rings: I Miss Mel it says... the cell phone speaks the truth. I miss Mel.
Perhaps it is simply time to stop - no more dealing with the lies, games, bullshit, and pain.
We all know it isn't that easy. If it were, I would have walked away from it a great time ago.
And well I should.
Mel returned from England today - it was fabulous to see her - she left me a $10 tip.
The only other piece of encouraging news that I have today is that Josh will board a plane tomorrow to fly to New England - I can't even describe how I'm feeling. We jokingly referred to him as "my fiancé" over the past months in Pitt after he asked me to marry him - now I have to get around to meeting him after talking to him since I was 17.
So there's a lot of love in my heart right now...
but of course - there's always room for more.
- behind these hazel eyes-
Ps. You don't even read this - your last entry was 6 months ago.
But fuck you, anyway.