heres to you and your fucked up views on hope.
once again i dont have anything much to insightful to say.
i restricted all day, binged and purged, took pills.
tomorrow i have other plans.
tomorrow i am detoxing my body of food chemicals, and pill toxins.
and putting in water, coffee, and ganja.
sweating out the bad.
my grandpa is laying in a hospital bed, on a cloud of fentanyl, still feeling pain.
he didnt want to see anyone today, but was worried that i would be upset that i wouldnt see him.
my grandpa and i have the same views on life, and i know now we have the same on death.
i hope he knows that i understand.
i cannot look at myself right now.
i promised myself that i would never get back to this stage of purging.
the stage where my skin turns a bluish gray
my eyes turn red and glassy
and i can spit in my hand and have a pool of blood.
i am there
its time to stop.