pale orange beads in purple drink.
when i woke up this morning i wasnt sure if i got hit by a bus, a train, or that dream that a deer ran be over was real.
my muscles felt like they were locked up, my throart was so sore and swollen, my ears hurt, one side of my nose is clogged, which is just annoying, and i feel dehydrated. so i didnt move. i just stirred for the first time about twenty minutes ago to finally get something to drink. i untwisted an addarol and took a third of it, im running low and cant afford to buy more.
i feel like im getting my life back in order today.
a detox of binging and purging.
its on the mind right now, but i dont think its going to be an issue with this horrible body feeling.
all of these health issues im having with my gastrointestional should be a red flag.
the fact that they are shutting down should be a slap in the face.
but it seems sureal.
since summer started i can honestly say i have a new best friend.
he is the only other person i know who has been through the emotional and physical abuse of a 'father'
that i've met in real life anyway,
and he is the same in how he treats people as i am; dont be rude, help when you can etc.
he doesnt know i have an eating disorder.
he was talking to me about everything thats going on and he said it was weird too him that i wasnt concerned.
and seemed more upset by the fact i was retaining water, than the fact my bodys not working.
i want to tell him whats happening, because he has told me so much
i am going to curl back up in my cacoon.
i know i will write more later.