Pam Moment of the Day: Prentice the Office Vampire Slayer
After you become a vampire, your vision and memories change. Your newly heightened senses make you see life in a new way. Images are more vivid. Sounds ring clearer, and your upgraded mind has the capacity to hold your new memories in precise detail. The downside of vampire vision? Your past memories are dimmer, weakened by your old, human brain, and they begin to fade away.
The worst managers and executives are those who have vampire vision. As they get promotions, pay raises, and less troublesome responsibilities, they forget the simple fact that they had to whore themselves out to get there. These higher ranking supervisors forgot how horrendously crappy it was to be at the bottom, to be new, to be unseasoned, to be shit on. And now they shit on their employees, too hazed by their vampire vision to consider the underling’s feelings.
I think most of my complaints about my job have been linked to vampire vision, but these past few weeks take the cake.
Week One: I have to do three times the number of orders via e-mails and chicken-scratch memos, not order forms, and get told I’m doing a bad job I make a couple mistakes.
Week Two: I get a pre-evaluation evaluation, and I’m doing a good job, except I don’t look busy enough. I can’t go on the internet anymore, which I understand, but apparently, my origami is inappropriate because I don’t look busy. Newsflash: I’m not. They know this, too, so what should I do when I’m not busy (about 85% of the day)? Stare at my Outlook inbox?
Week Three: One of the errors from week one causes drama, so the management decides to write me up, strip me of my responsibilities, and make a point to let me know that I will be fired if I “screw up anymore.” How can I screw up if I don’t have any job to do? Apparently, this messed-up the budget, too, so if they want to save a little cash, I’m fired, too. My job is a bomb that could go off at any time, and I can’t talk to anybody online or entertain myself with harmless paper crafts. It’s torture.
My revenge: I have to look busy at all times. If the executives find out they are paying me to only answer the phone, I would probably get laid off. I can’t use internet explorer, and I can’t do doodles or crafts because if I get caught, it would be bad. I decided to start writing my own novel. It’s just a word document, and I’m busy typing all day long. That’s right. These pricks are now paying me an hourly rate to sort mail, answer the occasional incoming call and write a book. Eat that, office vamires!
*** 1/15/10 - May I just add that this was when Dr. Jekyll said a computer could do my job, and I had better look out? I can't believe I didn't mention that. I still remember it to this day. Lol***