Sometimes. . . you just don't recover. . .
Yes, Florida was great, killer, exciting. But now, I have no money to pay rent. . . . so I asked my parents to loan me some. Yeah. . . . we're talking about it tonight. So going to get my ass chewed into little tiny pieces. I should have known better than to think everything was going to turn out the way I was told it was.
My bosses, yes, both of them; cut my hours. . . in like half or more. I have no job, practically no job. I'm so boned. Like up the ass, no lube, dry rubber on a splintering stick.
Isn't life just fucking wonderful?
So, I'm back to square one. I hate myself for being so stupid. My family is disappointed in me. . . again. I have no money, dodging calls from the collectors. Seriously, I so can't catch a break.
When am I finally going to stop being rapped? Seriously? When is everything going to be okay? I don't even want great, I don't want amazing; all I want is okay. Is that seriously so much to ask for? Like really?
I thought I could go and have a little bit of fun. Hang out, slow down. But no, I had to be stupid and trust my bosses when they said I'd have hours and money when I came back. I hate being lied to. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe I was counting too much on the 'could be' and the 'should be' instead of the 'will be'.
I'm sick to my stomach knowing that I"m going to get reemed tonight. It's almost like waiting in line for the firing squad. What if my parents say no? What would I do then?
Once again, my selfish needs put everyone else in a position. Dude, seriously, when am I going to learn better? I talk all big and grown up but instead I'm still some selfish brat kid that's making life hard for everyone else.
Dude, I suck.
What am I going to do?
What am I suppose to do?
I bust my ass and get no where. Ever. It's what I get for thinking that I could. It's what I get for thinking that I get to. It's what I get for thinking that I deserved to. I suppose, it's just what I get.
Sum up- You're not special. There's nothing great about you. You're in a rut for a reason. Do what you're told, nose to the grindstone; and you'll be okay. You're going to fall. You're going to fail. That's just how it goes. You'll stand high for a little while then get knocked right back down into the mud. That's what being a grown up is all about.
Che~
My bosses, yes, both of them; cut my hours. . . in like half or more. I have no job, practically no job. I'm so boned. Like up the ass, no lube, dry rubber on a splintering stick.
Isn't life just fucking wonderful?
So, I'm back to square one. I hate myself for being so stupid. My family is disappointed in me. . . again. I have no money, dodging calls from the collectors. Seriously, I so can't catch a break.
When am I finally going to stop being rapped? Seriously? When is everything going to be okay? I don't even want great, I don't want amazing; all I want is okay. Is that seriously so much to ask for? Like really?
I thought I could go and have a little bit of fun. Hang out, slow down. But no, I had to be stupid and trust my bosses when they said I'd have hours and money when I came back. I hate being lied to. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe I was counting too much on the 'could be' and the 'should be' instead of the 'will be'.
I'm sick to my stomach knowing that I"m going to get reemed tonight. It's almost like waiting in line for the firing squad. What if my parents say no? What would I do then?
Once again, my selfish needs put everyone else in a position. Dude, seriously, when am I going to learn better? I talk all big and grown up but instead I'm still some selfish brat kid that's making life hard for everyone else.
Dude, I suck.
What am I going to do?
What am I suppose to do?
I bust my ass and get no where. Ever. It's what I get for thinking that I could. It's what I get for thinking that I get to. It's what I get for thinking that I deserved to. I suppose, it's just what I get.
Sum up- You're not special. There's nothing great about you. You're in a rut for a reason. Do what you're told, nose to the grindstone; and you'll be okay. You're going to fall. You're going to fail. That's just how it goes. You'll stand high for a little while then get knocked right back down into the mud. That's what being a grown up is all about.
Che~