What I Saw: Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 8, Who is That NOT Knockin' At the Gate?
It got awfully Quiet outside the Hardhome Gate. Too Damn Quiet! Something is UP! Or Down, or All Around.
I originally thought that "Hardhome" was "Hearthome" and I thought that was a sweet name for a Wild-ling Village. Until I found out that hearts were going to be eaten in the home. Gnawed, Gnashed, and Gulped down by Wild-ling White Walker Born Dead People.
Ahhhhhhh! Run Away! Run Fast! Run Swift!
These Live people were not Olympic Rowers. I think that I could have rowed faster and run faster and swum faster than that Giant could water walk to get away from the Army of the Undead. But NO, the King of the Dead and Jon Snow had to give each other lingering looks as they parted, as if they might never meet again in this World.
But no, one defeat for Jon Snow is not going to make our Hero give up. He is like Stannis in that respect. After Blackwater, Stannis, who was defeated at Blackwater, is still the best hope for Westeros alongside Jon Snow. Why does my stomack ache when I consider that?
The King of the Undead has no stomach problems thinking about it. Does the King of the Undead have a stomach? What does he eat? What does he drink? Is that a Knight's Helm on the brooch at his neck? Who is his favorite knight? Does he know any of those Ice Spiders? Will he bring some of them along with him the next time that he meets Jon Snow and/or Stannis? You can see that he is thinking about it. He has got Jon Snow's number. He will come calling soon, Pretty Boy Jon.
I hear Winterfell will soon be available, King of the Undead. What is the sigil of the White Walkers? Is it that Knight's Helm that he wears on his brooch? Hey, did you ever notice that King's Landing in the opening titles has pointy stakes and towers and that Winterfell in the same credits is all rounded? What does that mean? Did they know that Sansa and the de-penised Theon were going to end up there?
Two Captive Ladies
Let's visit our two captive ladies in their cells.
Sansa is sitting in her room at the Rounded Winterfell contemplating the Winter light and the wretched Theon and her ill-considered marriage to Ramsay Bolton. I have to say that I don't find Ramsay all that horrible anymore. I have seen the King of the Undead and his Works and he is Mighty. Ramsay is kind of puny now. Where is that sticky and pointy thing that Sansa recently picked up in the courtyard?
Sansa goes after Theon but she don't need no Stinkin' pointy thing to make him talk and bend to her will. She grabs his ears and pulls them hard and Theon lets it all out! Sansa finds that she still has two brothers in this World (and Jon Snow)! Bran and Rickon got away! Theon confesses it! Well done, Ramsay. You have bent Theon so much that he is now Sansa's plaything too! Theon is going to spend his time running between his two tormentors telling each of them ALL! Notice the light in the window. I'll come back to that.
Now let us visit Cersei in a less pleasant place. The dungeon of somewhere in King's Landing!
The Avenging Nun of Vicious Vengeance is wielding the Confession Dipper! That Nun don't need no Rosary to smack the Sinners!
Yield to the Smacking Dipper of Confession, Cersei! Cersei is Tough, but perhaps not Tough enough.
Fine! Then drink dirt, Cersei!
Slurp up that dirty water, you unshriven Sinner! No clean water for you until you confess.
Here is a thought, Cersei, perhaps Tyrion was in this cell before his execution. You are drinking his dirt, Cersei. Does that make you feel any closer to confession?
The only person who will visit Cersei in jail, other than the Avenging Nun, is Dr. Frank. I think that he is looking at her head just a little too fondly. It could be just what he needs for his collection.
And Cersei promises an unimaginably horrible and evil end for the Nun of the Confession Dipper. You couldn't possibly deliver on that Cersei. I've seen the King of the Undead and he can deliver it.
Horrible Endings
Cersei vows vile death to her Nun Enemy and Theon whines about his time on the cross that cut Theon Greyjoy away from him bit by bit. Well, you two ninnies, let me show you real ugly death and a real loss of self.
Here is my example. A Wild-ling Elder with more sense than either Cersei or Theon ever imagined they could possess. She had a life and a soul.
Then came the King of the Undead with his Zombie Children who tore her self away from her.
There you go, Theon, that is what losing yourself really is. And Cersei, that is a terrible death that you can't possibly imagine. Suffering is not making Theon smarter or Cersei more empathic.
Advice is Cheap
Sam counsels Ollie on Jon Snow's alliance with the hated Wild-lings who killed Ollie's family.
"A man has got to do what a man thinks best" says Sam to Ollie.
Compare this pictorial composition to Sansa's intelligence gathering from Theon.
The light is dawning, so to speak.
And the light dawns yet again for Tyrion's counsel to Danys.
Danys vows that she will break the Wheel of the great houses of Westeros. Ollie has come to some conclusion from his talk with Sam. I don't think that it will lead to any good. Ollie is going to break something too. And Sansa has concluded that she now has her Real family to find and fight for. That bodes ill for Ramsay and the Boltons which is good news to me.
He's a Fool For You, Babe
The bad boys meet Danys who is a Mother to Dragons and just an All Around Mother.
Danys keeps Tyrion and throws Jorah to the Curb, yet again. Poor Jorah!
Jorah sells himself back into the fighting pits to get back to Danys. Jorah is a Fool for Love! He is Slave to his Affection!
Jorah could just give up on Love and retire to Valeryia and throw rocks with the Stone Men. Or, he could go and infect the Army of the Undead. Are they infectable? Would Grey Scale slow them down? Are the White Walkers affected by Grey Scale? I don't see any of them trying to invade Essos or Valeryia. Why doesn't Jorah go and hang with the Bronze Masks Guys and infect them. I mean, if he really wants to help Danys, he could get rid of that Boy's Club for her. Love doesn't not inspire great thoughts in Jorah, just great emotion.
A WTF Moment
Jon Snow is fighting with a White Walker at Hardhome. The White Walker walks through flames because they part like the Red Sea to let him through.
Just how useful is a dragon's flame breath going to be against the White Walkers?
Jon's sword repels the White Walker's icy thrust and kills and shatters the White Walker. Both Jon and the White Walker have a moment of suprise at that. Jon didn't need any Stinkin' dragon glass.
And there you go, two revisions to conventional battle wisdom in the coming Winter War.
And Other Than the Ice Spiders?
The White Walkers ride on Moldy Old Skeleton Death Nags. I assume that the horses were once alive and then made undead by the White Walker King of the Undead.
But what about the Hardhome Dogs? Or a Direwolf? Do they become undead too?
I don't see any undead dogs in the Undead Army.
Maybe the dogs and dire wolves just take up swords.
Arya Becomes Creative
Ayra and Jack the Faceless Man occupy their time in the House of Black and White writing fan fiction. They like Working Class fan fiction.
It is a story all about an Oyster Girl, this is a little like Tipping the Velvet. I guess that the Blonde bitch in the House of Black and White is the other girl of interest. The Oyster Girl sells her wares to an Insurance Defrauder who doesn't speak very well. Maybe the story is more a musical like My Fair Lady.
Click to viewWe'll have to wait to see if Arya get to the Just You Wait Henry Higgins, Just You Wait number.
I Have Questions
- Is Westeros the only part of the World that Winter is Coming to? Does Winter come to Essex or Southsex or Over Yonder too?
- Do the White Walkers all want to retire to Dorne? I mean, when Winter turns to Spring and they have conquered Westeros, can they stay in the heat of Florida Dorne? Or do they go back North? Are The White Walkers Snow Birds?
Was this guy just asking for it? I mean, he looks like an Army of the Undead Wannabe. And he got to be one.- Are there White Walker Women? Or are they all Castor's Inbred Bastards? Does Little Sam at Castle Black feel the call of his brothers?