What I Saw: Mad Men Season 5, Episode 4
We all know that SEX Sells, but that SEX is mainly for the Men Folk. What is it that SELLS Women on a product?
We learn from the Man Who Knows All About Women and Their Desires, Michael Ginsburg, and the Cinderella Shoe Man can vouch for this because he knows all about Women because he is a Shoe Salesman, like Ed Bundy
(Ted Bundy,
Ed Bundy---damn, it took me this long to get THAT Joke?). Mad Men "Ed Bundy" says to Michael, "You know how a Woman Thinks." And he says this after Michael tells a Story about a Woman in FEAR for her life on a dark cobblestoned Alley who runs from an Unknown Man who is chasing her.
FEAR SELLS FOR WOMEN!
Pauline knew this when she told her Scary Story About her Father Kicking Her Clear Across the Room for No Reason At All to Sally. Sally pointed out that "That wasn't Nice." As Pauline meant to say, "It is NOT ABOUT NICE! It is about FEAR! FEAR the MAN or Men or Your Father or Your Husband or your Republican State Senator." Sally didn't need to Learn about Discipline. No, Sally needed to learn about FEAR!
This was the best episode ever (other than the one where Betty shoots the damn pigeons)! You've sold Me, Matthew Weiner!
Let us take a Quick Stroll down a Dark Alley Way with the Fearful Women of Mad Men.
The First Story is a Fairy Tale About Princesses and Princes
What are the stories that are told by women to little girls to get them in that Mode Of Fear so essential for Real Womanhood? Why, they are told about Princesses trying to find a Prince. Only, in most of the Fairy Tales that I recall, only Cinderella is very pro-active about finding a Prince. Snow White couldn't distinguish a Prince from a Huntsman or a Dwarf. The girl couldn't even tell if her apple was rotten or not. I think that her sense of smell was off. And Sleeping Beauty just slept all the time when she wasn't depressed about NOT Doing Anything With Her Life.
Cinderella reminds me of Joan, you know, of Mad Men. Cinderella had a game plan: Marry the Prince. Joan has a game plan: Marry a Doctor. I don't think that Joan was really listening to her mother when she formulated this plan. And I know this, because Joan has been bitching and harping at her Mother for the last four episodes. You were supposed to be looking for a PRINCE, Joan, like Cinderella.
Joan's Life Plan goes all screwy while she becomes the HuntsWoman for a Doctor. Joan takes over the Man Men Office and becomes the Head Bitch in Charge. She rules with an iron fist and bon mots of poison (it is so hard to put poison in apples without magic). All fear Joan.
Then Joan finds her Doctor who is no Prince. He rapes her, but Joan will not give up the Doctor. She marries him. If this were the Fairy Tale, we would say that Joan lived happily ever after with her Prince. But this is not the Fairy Tale and the Prince is a Doctor and Joan does not live happily ever after with the Doctor. In her marriage, Joan becomes some passive and fearful slave to her Life Plan. Where is the Ruthless and Ass Kicking Woman in Charge? Joan stands around and sings sad, Edith Piaf songs and accompanies herself on the accordion.
Joan's Doctor, who can't be a very good doctor, because why isn't he picking up on the fact that Joan's kid was born too late or too prematurely or too whatever to be his child? I think that Joan's Doctor flunked his OB/GYN Resident Rotation. That is why he became a War Doctor which is sort of like a War Horse
only the War Doctor has to wear his mane very short. But they are both, War Doctor and Horse, very pretty.
Joan's War Doctor goes back to his Warring. Joan and her mother and Baby Kevin have a slumber party after they get rid of the Doctor who wasn't a Prince.
Slumber Party #1
Joan and Baby Kevin and Joan's Mom aren't the only ones having slumber parties in this episode. Every one is doing it.
Sally and Pauline have a slumber party in the Creepy Henry Mansion. Pauline tells a Spooky Story about a Group of Nine Nurses (they weren't War Nurses although that would have been cool,) who were in their short little Nurses Uniforms having a Nurse party in their apartment when something slimy and stalking came Thumping Up the Stairs. Thump, Thump, Knock, Knock, Scratch, Scratch, and Ate Them ALL but one!
Sally shivers under the covers when she thinks about it and has to go and stay downstairs with Pauline. I've got no idea where Baby Gene is, but unless some monster is about to eat him and why would it? who cares? Gene is a Boy.
Sally and Pauline then trade stories about scary sex and braid each other's hair and get into the booze and seconal and steal the kitchen butcher knife to protect themselves from the Mad Rapist (after all, Joan did just kick her War Doctor out of the House and who knows where he went prowling). When Henry and Betty get home the next morning, they laugh fondly about the Girls and their Slumber Party and their Knife Fights. But Sally is under the sofa, just like the Nurse Who Got Away. I am hoping that this means that Sally Gets Away too.
Slumber Party #2
Peggy and Dawn have a slumber party too. It starts in the SCDP offices. Peggy and Dawn play Truth or Dare.
Peggy takes a Dare to go and investigate a strange noise in the late night Dark offices of SCDP. Boo! Peggy! It's Boo Radley Dawn! Oh she gave Peggy a Fright! When her turn comes, Dawn won't take the Dare to go home alone at night because if the Mad Rapists and Rioters don't get her, the Police will. And this just shows how far we have come in over-coming racism. These days, you have not just to be black but wearing a hoodie to be attacked by the Police and Vigilantes. There's Progress for you!
So Dawn takes the Truth and Peggy joins in the Truth. All that Truthing just gets confusing because no one is really listening to the Truth. Peggy starts relating to Dawn about being the only Woman and the sort of Discrimination that it gets her. But Dawn is relating to being black and all the discrimination that that gets her. And then Peggy lets go of the Woman Thing and starts worrying about all the money in her purse that is in front of Dawn that Peggy extorted from Roger. And Peggy, don't be so proud of it. Harry Crane extorted $1100 out of Roger. You just got $410 out of Roger. That is Money Discrimination right there.
It was not a successful slumber party. Dawn called her mom and left early before Peggy woke up.
Slumber Party #3
Don/Dick goes home early from the office with the Swine and Avian Flu. He sleeps with and murders some chick he slept with years before. I'll let you figure out who is the Swine and who is the Avian. None of this bothers Megan who has decided to let dead girlfriends of Don/Dick rot under the marriage bed.