Just here to say my piece - work so far
Today marks 3 weeks spent at work. Getting the hang of things but my job is really more personal assistant-ish than anything.
I spent more time this week lunching with my manager. Got to learn more about her experience as an editor in a publishing house and her family.
I'm glad so far that she's still nice and all that. Nice and guiding about some errors I make due to oversight. She's still patient for now.
Also This week, ms Amy the dance teacher called for a mid- week meeting. After tt, we headed to chomp chomp at serangoon gardens for supper. It was her treat and the first time I got to hang out with the 5 other dance teachers and know them better.
So most times these days, my heart is at peace given the smooth sailing circumstances now. Glad and excited too about the new friendships that are budding. I trust it is all in God's will
However, just wanna jot down here that while these pleasant feelings are good, I still have some unrest at the back of my mind - when will it sour, when will dynamics change? When will politics threaten?
We are all humans afterall.. Conflict always arises by nature of putting diff people together.
I had to write a brief parah of congratulations to the graduating students on behalf of the dean for the commencement book tt some students are preparing.
The theme this year is 'bonding'. The editorial team advised dean to craft sth tt will forge a sense of attachment among students towards school.
Doing a little bit of 'background work', I chanced upon this ' attachment styles' theory I learnt at sch in year 2.
It talks about how young children develop diff attachment styles towards their primary care-giver based on early childhood experiences.
It can be secure, avoidant or indifferent depending,and psychologists believe it contributes to the kind of person the child grows up to be.
Yes, increasingly I am very fascinated by how a lot of how a person turns out is largely based on the first few years or life.
Even from my own example.. Now tt I've completed my basic education and out at work( and not out of work), I realise the way I do certain things or react is still very much the way I did things in primary sch. Subconsciously.
Of cos the difference now is that I am more aware and can apply my common sense to stop me from giving jn to some inherent lazy trait as when I was in pri sch n clueless abt small details.
That said, I then realize why I may be wary of new friendships forming in terms if organization and with superiors.
I can remember one incident that might be the answer.
As u all know I am rather distant from my paternal relatives now. I always feel I am not as gd compared to how they may favour my cousins and Sis more.
Anyway, before these avoidant attachment feelings of mine came about, I do recall in my early prj sch years where I used to hang out at grandma's a lot and was best buddies w my cousin who's a year younger than me.
There was a moment I even felt like this one uncle, my dad's youngest sibling, given his humour and youth.. I really enjoyed listening to him and the stories he told us kids.
I remember even thinking once to myself that he was 'my favorite uncle'.
Ironically several years later, he would be the uncle who told me straight in the face that ' I only love my grandparents n Aunty cos of what they can give me in terms of gifts. So don't expect they will always give me gifts' ( it was nearing Christmas tt time)
And maybe that's why I'm not a gifts person and my love language is not gifts.
( clearly it shows tt uncle doesn't know me well afterall. Or maybe he influenced how I feel abt gifts today)
Perhaps I dont even dare let tt be my love language cos i don't want to risk loving people in tt material way. I dont want any nuance of what 'favorite uncle' said to be true of me today. So I focus more on e other love languages.
I admit, given my bratty brainless 12year-old self, my behavior one day might've pissed him off to say tt.. But I think tt one sentence he said has stayed w me today.
Not tt I believe tt about myself.. But rather the shock that 'my favorite uncle could say such words to me and crush what I thought was true of him'.
So cut the long story short.. This incident may be one reason why as an adult today, I am wary of trusting older people fully, and always on alert of when they may suddenly just blurt sth hurtful abt my character to me. I don't ever want to be taken aback again u see.
Well maybe this is something I shall surrender at the next breakthrough weekend I go to.
Anyway in short.. I think a lot of how a child eventually turns out is crucial in the formative years. Once the Mould is set, it's game over!
And So I feel in nurturing a child, I feel a certain pressure to get all things right and proper at least for first 5 years to nail down all the right stuff.
As I continue to try my hand at teaching ballet, I am actually looking closer at how these children behave as individuals and how these traits ( playful/ heck care/ hardworking/ bully) will really follow them into adulthood. No kidding.
It's really in those formative years that everything gets set.
Ok and to take a step away from these serious thoughts.. Some Christian literature I read taught me that while we are often unsure of the future, what we can do,
What I can do on my part is to treat it
Like these new bonds have the potential to grow.
You know, treat it like it will last and for all u know, it would!
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