Old Ghosts
I want to take a moment to be real with you all and to hopefully bring encouragement to those who read.
It seems that I have been fighting some old ghosts as of late. I find myself in a place that I have been many times before, my soul laid bare before God as tears flow. No single event triggers all of this, but rather a series of things connecting and building up. I bury them until I can hardly bear it anymore and then, in the cover of night, it comes pouring out. Make no mistake, I am not falling into depression or anything of the like. But I am definitely struggling against mindsets and weaknesses that I have had all my life.
But for all the times that I have cried out to God, He has always met me where I am. He brings me back to life and shows me that I have wonderful people around me. My time with my family the past month has been incredibly blessed and I sense such an intense restoration throughout my spirit, mind and body.
Even though my job at the camp did not end up at all like I wanted it to (considering I am wearing myself out doing housekeeping instead of working as a counselor). But God has been burning into me that He has a purpose for me, regardless of what position I fill, how little I get paid or how tired I am at the end of the day.
Purpose...that is the word in my heart. God spoke to me in church this morning and very distinctly told me that I need to seek His purpose for me this summer. How easily I get entangled in every day things that all seem important like...punching in on time, keeping my head on my shoulders and getting things done efficiently, getting those darned tubs sparkling clean, making it to church on time, and even being with my family. But in truth, God desires nothing more for me than to stop going a million miles an hour and to just remember that He's the Man with the plan.
I am a mere human and I can only handle so much in my own strength. I am learning, over and over again, to rely entirely on God's strength no matter how light or heavy the load. It is times like these that bring me to my knees again and remind where I truly belong.
In His arms again.
*Rachel*
It seems that I have been fighting some old ghosts as of late. I find myself in a place that I have been many times before, my soul laid bare before God as tears flow. No single event triggers all of this, but rather a series of things connecting and building up. I bury them until I can hardly bear it anymore and then, in the cover of night, it comes pouring out. Make no mistake, I am not falling into depression or anything of the like. But I am definitely struggling against mindsets and weaknesses that I have had all my life.
But for all the times that I have cried out to God, He has always met me where I am. He brings me back to life and shows me that I have wonderful people around me. My time with my family the past month has been incredibly blessed and I sense such an intense restoration throughout my spirit, mind and body.
Even though my job at the camp did not end up at all like I wanted it to (considering I am wearing myself out doing housekeeping instead of working as a counselor). But God has been burning into me that He has a purpose for me, regardless of what position I fill, how little I get paid or how tired I am at the end of the day.
Purpose...that is the word in my heart. God spoke to me in church this morning and very distinctly told me that I need to seek His purpose for me this summer. How easily I get entangled in every day things that all seem important like...punching in on time, keeping my head on my shoulders and getting things done efficiently, getting those darned tubs sparkling clean, making it to church on time, and even being with my family. But in truth, God desires nothing more for me than to stop going a million miles an hour and to just remember that He's the Man with the plan.
I am a mere human and I can only handle so much in my own strength. I am learning, over and over again, to rely entirely on God's strength no matter how light or heavy the load. It is times like these that bring me to my knees again and remind where I truly belong.
In His arms again.
*Rachel*