Haunting Thoughts at 5:30 a.m.
I've been worried about my younger son. He is growing up with a very strong personality and a strong need to control. It goes much deeper than that, though. I will be strong and not bend. I won't let him do this to himself and others. I can't.
The thing is that I even suspect that his ways are innate. And it is not just compulsive need to control, but this general sense of greed. I will not let him be a "minnie-him."
Yes, this is definitely innate. I lived with a "bigger version" of it for almost a decade. I am so totally at peace with the past now. I pray for him (the bigger version) and I even felt very sad about his present circumstances. And even though I had to put up with the usual arguments and insults, I maintained my peace and just shook my head. I shook my head because after all that has happened, he is incapable of emotional-learning. HE JUST DOESN"T GET IT. Always the victim. The other guy is at fault. And to top it off, the long-winding need to complain and ridicule. But the funny thing is that I see the little boy in him -- always have. A little boy who felt like he didn't get the toys he wanted and internalized it with a search for self-worth with materialism. A little boy who was ridiculed so badly that he always carried that pain with him through adulthood. The little boy who threw gigantic temper tantrums -- he pushed and pushed until he got his way. And when things went wrong, it was always the other guy's fault. That look he had that said, "feel sorry for me..... watch my sad face as the violin music plays in the background." Believe me, it was so difficult to watch him suffer -- that was when you thought that maybe, just maybe, things were finally clicking in his head. His ways of controlling you with guilt were neverending. Tears that looked so sincere and real, but he'd turn around the next day and sock it to you again for the thousandth time.
I don't want my own little one to follow in those footsteps. NOOOOO!!! I don't want him to suffer. I pray that gentle correction and setting a good example will help with these flaws. These flaws will cause him great pain -- yet he will not look in a mirror and recognize that he is not a victim. Our errors have consequences. I want him to be a man of his word. I want him to look in the mirror and say, "Okay, the fact is that I made selfish choices and now I have to face the consequences LIKE A MAN." I want my son to know how to talk to people about ideas and events, and to be interested in learning.
I love him dearly but I will fight and fight to teach him to behave in a manner that is socially pleasant, show true character and integrity, and be able to recognize that he doesn't need to have a super-vocalized opinion for everything under the sun.
I've seen, first hand, how this can cause people to dislike someone with these flaws. I will take this chip off the old block and rechisel him. I must because I can't watch him suffer anymore. He is stubborn though, and won't listen. How do you teach someone to listen with their heart?
I do, however, praise his goodness. I truly do try to be gentle.
Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws.
The thing is that I even suspect that his ways are innate. And it is not just compulsive need to control, but this general sense of greed. I will not let him be a "minnie-him."
Yes, this is definitely innate. I lived with a "bigger version" of it for almost a decade. I am so totally at peace with the past now. I pray for him (the bigger version) and I even felt very sad about his present circumstances. And even though I had to put up with the usual arguments and insults, I maintained my peace and just shook my head. I shook my head because after all that has happened, he is incapable of emotional-learning. HE JUST DOESN"T GET IT. Always the victim. The other guy is at fault. And to top it off, the long-winding need to complain and ridicule. But the funny thing is that I see the little boy in him -- always have. A little boy who felt like he didn't get the toys he wanted and internalized it with a search for self-worth with materialism. A little boy who was ridiculed so badly that he always carried that pain with him through adulthood. The little boy who threw gigantic temper tantrums -- he pushed and pushed until he got his way. And when things went wrong, it was always the other guy's fault. That look he had that said, "feel sorry for me..... watch my sad face as the violin music plays in the background." Believe me, it was so difficult to watch him suffer -- that was when you thought that maybe, just maybe, things were finally clicking in his head. His ways of controlling you with guilt were neverending. Tears that looked so sincere and real, but he'd turn around the next day and sock it to you again for the thousandth time.
I don't want my own little one to follow in those footsteps. NOOOOO!!! I don't want him to suffer. I pray that gentle correction and setting a good example will help with these flaws. These flaws will cause him great pain -- yet he will not look in a mirror and recognize that he is not a victim. Our errors have consequences. I want him to be a man of his word. I want him to look in the mirror and say, "Okay, the fact is that I made selfish choices and now I have to face the consequences LIKE A MAN." I want my son to know how to talk to people about ideas and events, and to be interested in learning.
I love him dearly but I will fight and fight to teach him to behave in a manner that is socially pleasant, show true character and integrity, and be able to recognize that he doesn't need to have a super-vocalized opinion for everything under the sun.
I've seen, first hand, how this can cause people to dislike someone with these flaws. I will take this chip off the old block and rechisel him. I must because I can't watch him suffer anymore. He is stubborn though, and won't listen. How do you teach someone to listen with their heart?
I do, however, praise his goodness. I truly do try to be gentle.
Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws.