Okay okay so I thought about it
So last night a drunk fifteen year old girl jocked me harder than I have EVER been jocked before.
Wait...we'll back up.
So there's this place called Ojai...maybe you've heard of it but I doubt you've been. The place is wholeheartedly, undoubtedly "the sticks." I saw my friends' show there last night then went to his place for an all-nighter. Now, this place is fer sure a mansion. Any place with two TV/Family rooms on separate sides of the house is a mansion. Stables, pool, jacuzzi, orchard--these are all the places I drank. And smoked. It was fucking amazing.
Then there was Kayla, the little sister's friend. As the no-greater-than-four beers coursed through her system and befuddled the little brain beneath her perfect blonde coif, I was starting to look pretty good to her. She is FIFTEEN. And I am SO GAY.
Kayla: Oh my God is my eye make-up messed up? (gets dangerously close)
Me: Nah you're okay but you could use some Visine.
Kayla: (grabs my hand) Oh my God come help me find some!
Me: Oh I just used it, it's in the next room on the desk.
Kayla: But come with me to get it anyway. (bleary-eyed smile)
Me: Um. I can't do that.
For the rest of the night I couldn't get a goddam moment's peace. I've never seen such a cock-hungry middle-teenager and I've never known anyone to fail so miserably at getting the hint.
Ten bucks she's pregnant in a year.
And no it won't be mine and yes I have witnesses who will back that up.
Wait...we'll back up.
So there's this place called Ojai...maybe you've heard of it but I doubt you've been. The place is wholeheartedly, undoubtedly "the sticks." I saw my friends' show there last night then went to his place for an all-nighter. Now, this place is fer sure a mansion. Any place with two TV/Family rooms on separate sides of the house is a mansion. Stables, pool, jacuzzi, orchard--these are all the places I drank. And smoked. It was fucking amazing.
Then there was Kayla, the little sister's friend. As the no-greater-than-four beers coursed through her system and befuddled the little brain beneath her perfect blonde coif, I was starting to look pretty good to her. She is FIFTEEN. And I am SO GAY.
Kayla: Oh my God is my eye make-up messed up? (gets dangerously close)
Me: Nah you're okay but you could use some Visine.
Kayla: (grabs my hand) Oh my God come help me find some!
Me: Oh I just used it, it's in the next room on the desk.
Kayla: But come with me to get it anyway. (bleary-eyed smile)
Me: Um. I can't do that.
For the rest of the night I couldn't get a goddam moment's peace. I've never seen such a cock-hungry middle-teenager and I've never known anyone to fail so miserably at getting the hint.
Ten bucks she's pregnant in a year.
And no it won't be mine and yes I have witnesses who will back that up.