Simply a hum in the background- I'm left to wander in my own world..without voices that beckon.
Though I know that I can easily block out anything uncomfortable, but still hesitate when it comes time to act. After last week’s changes, I’m surprised that I haven’t turned back to my old habit. That- and I’m proud; of myself for coping, and of the friends who’ve helped to soothe away the stress.
Debate was on Saturday, and I placed, not a good day I might add- and the company didn’t help. Though it feels like I slipped away from Michael, I also became extremely close with one of his own friends. She stood by my side all throughout the horrible ordeal and we soon discovered that we have a lot more in common that a 1st glance would reveal. Babysat until midnight- though the boys where wonderful, the animals chose to act up; and four snakes escaped. The rest of my weekend was spent working, and I hardly found time to breath, let alone think over the situation with the men in my life, one in particular. I love him with all of my heart, and can pull myself together enough to pull away- as long as he needs me to, and still face the day as any regular person should, even with the new disadvantages.
I’ve decided that I’ll allow myself, just this once, to have some outside help. Most things are easily fixed, and I’m easily pleased for now. My grandparents are here now, and after a year of being bombarded with affection, I’m thrilled. Things are starting to look up, and I find myself settling into a new routine of individuality.
Maybe there is a system to this chaos- speak of the devil.. I severely need to OCD on organization. Damn it all =P