Here my heart will split in two. profoundly confusing- I've been misusing you.
All imagination cast aside, i see through my own eyes. what's been here all along for me to find, a mystery unveiled. The worst blind man, is thw one who refuses to see- i did at once, but i can't hide it anymore. Justin is missing, is this another one as well?
If i witness it, wil it bind me forever to this world? I can't ignore what forces itself upon me, and that frustrates me. This denial in a way was a blessing- and in my own sick, tormented way, it was my safety net. My comfort zone.
"Hush my darling.. don't say a word. Never mind the noise you heard.. You're falling and i cant save you. Why can't i feel you anymore? I remember and your taste- it still flows through my veins. I'm hungry for you, i miss that pain."
I'm sick of falling asleep alone- tired of the dissapointment that overcomes me when i realise, what we shared the night before was only a figment of my imagination. Just a dream- loved the way you held me, if only for that one split second, it was well worth it. Why can't i let go of this wish?
Wish that i had met you before, you could have taught me so much. The prayers ive been taught to help me along dont work along this chosen path. Theyre so unreal, i want this part of my life to be a lie. It makes me wonder- will you fight for me as hard as i have for you..
Handfasting- I wan't it, and soon. So we found a way, to slowly but surely be together, i don't want to wait until the next moon.. I want her now. The sooner the better, she belongs to me. I saw her other 'half' or in this case, 'third', when for some unknown reason she stayed still, just looking at me- head cocked to the side, cute little nose wiggling. She's been visiting me at night, at midnight, and each time i've been asleep. She simply layed on my stomache, and played with my hair- her baby paws running back and forth so much like Skye's.. I was angry with myself when i realised i'd missed her.. i feel lucky.
Then something changed-
"I want to run in the rain with you again."
"I do too baby.."
"Can i hold onto your hand?"
"..Yeah."
"- And you won't let go?"
"No, i won't ever let go."
~*~
"When you love somebody, you learn to accept all of the little things that irk you.. And you grow attatched to them, you love them because of their faults, as well as everything else.."
"What has she done that bothers you?"
".. That's just it- i cant remember. To me, she's the most beautiful, incredible.. amazing human being i have ever had the privelege of knowing."
"Why don't you tell her that?"
"I'm not sure.. Nervous i guess. I know she can feel it."
"Why are you nervous- You know she feels the same way, let her know."
".. I want to show her. With more than just words- i want to prove to her how much i want her."
"Then go ahead.."
"Yeah- I think i will. Thank you.."
"For what?"
"Giving me the cour-"
"-You're welcome.."
".. Baby?"
"Mnnhmm.."
"- Never mind."
"Go on."
"It's not important"
".. Everything you say and do is important."
"I was just going to say- thati mean it. When i say that i love you?.. But you already knew that, didn't you?"
"Yeah.. and i love you too."
~*~
"I never told you- everything i've said about you, written about you, it's just barely half of what i haven't already neglected to show you."
".. Why?"
"I didn't know how..."
...
"I want to be with you right now- i miss you."
"I miss you too baby.."
"I want you."
".. I do too"
"If i asked you now- would you think of being with me?"
"I wouldn't have to think about it- I'd say yes."
"- Then marry me. Please baby, be with me- The Wiccan Way."
".. Yes. I'll marry you."
We cried until we fell asleep with each other, then cried when we woke up. I'm still crying now, just because i'm so relieved. I feel so incredibly complete.
"Tear me from the bone, tear me from myself. Are you feeling happy now? A life that's growing feeble- that is me, a heart growing exausted. So limited, an eternal battle. I don't want to re-live all of the mistakes i've made..This is me"