hate this.

[charliestark]

the way you make me feel.
he is your best friend.
he has become that.
i'll move on from that.
it's perfectly understandable .
i have 3 or 4 best friends, myself.
that's not the problem.
my problem is the love that has grown faster for him
than it ever could for me.
i get it.
he's a father fucking guy.
that's what pisses me off most.
i have told you you are beautiful
i have told you you're more than amazingly talented
i have told you i only like things when you do it.
but it's not enough.
so look right through me
to him
and listen to him when he tells you the same fucking things
and makes you feel like you're enough.
sometimes
i fucking wonder why i'm still so stupid.
i'm always glad to see you
i'm just not glad i have to wonder how to act.
i hate doubting myself.
i have enough other things to doubt.
POIUYTREWASDFGHJK
FUCK THIS.
i am SORRY that i am not as talented
i am SORRY that i am not a boy
i am SORRY that i am gay
i am SORRY that you make me feel like shit.
but i'm mostly sorry that i can't tell you any of this
because it would scare you
or you wouldn't understand
or you wouldn't give a shit.
you know what i hate?
change.
and you are growing out of me.
i knew it would happen.
i did.
but,
i didn't think it would happen
before i had built up enough intelligence
to grow out of you first.
fuck this.
go to his house.
teach him guitar.
create music.
watch tommy.
have the little princess fawn over you
play guitar with the oldest.
let the mother braid your gorgeous hair
let the father show you what music he's playing.
QWERTYUIOP
I OBVIOUSLY CARE
but not enough to try anymore.
i'll blame it on the grounding to make it easier for myself.
i'll blame it on the inevitable fucking change.
i just can't deal with acting like a fucking child anymore.
so i'll fucking let you go.
you have your boys.
you'll be fine without me, love.