ramble on
it's been a long long time.
I was in AZ for about 7 days. camped on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. Breathtaking, indeed! It was beautiful. My son loved it. I enjoyed the silence. I needed it so bad!
I'll be moving in 2 weeks. Yuk! I hate moving. Such a shitty task. But I took another look at my new place today. I'll finally have my own room! My room is actually pretty big. I'm so happy. But on the downside, I'll be broke for a few months. I can't even afford to buy myself a bed :( I might be sleeping on the futon still for a bit, until I can save enough money for a bed. But still, I'll be happy just to have a bigger place! Hooray!!
Tried to date this guy I met last month. We went out a couple of times. Sweet guy. Young. But it didn't work. I can't seem to get into anyone right now. I was finding all of these little reasons to not like the guy. I hated his laugh. He wasn't that funny. He likes Lincoln Park. EW!
Still got Chris on my mind and it's making me angry. We keep taking steps backwards. Never moving forward. We slipped once. Not too far, but we slipped. It was bound to happen. It was after a terrible fight. He hurt my feelings yet again. He made me cry, yet again. He apologized immensely and groveled at my feet...yet again. He told me he was shaking and worries why he keeps doing this to me. I don't know. I will never understand or try to make sense of this unhealthy, wanna-be bf/gf relationship. Why do I keep torturing myself like this? Tomorrow is his birthday and he's taking off to Portland for the weekend to spend it with his friend Tanya. Never met the girl. He talks about her sometimes. I think she was his sister's friend. For all I know, he probably fucked her. I don't want to know. He hasn't seen her in over a year. She only comes out to LA once a year on business. He gave me this long explanation as to why he chose to leave town for his bday rather than stay here and celebrate with me. It's ok. He's under no obligation. But of course, I wasn't ok with it. I gave him shit today. Not alot. Just pissy. God, I'm so sick of feeling this way. Why can't I just toss aside my emotions and just think of him and treat him the same way I treat all my other guy friends?! This sucks.
Next topic:
My son started 5th grade yesterday. It was so weird when I dropped him off. I remember like it was yesterday when I took him to his first day of Kindergarten. Next thing I know, he'll be borrowing my car. Yikes!
Still on my exercise regimen. 40 minute walks 5 times a week. A little exercise ball, dumb bells, and Fitness Band. My arms are a bit more toned...but my butt is still the shape of a square and my ass (if you call this flat thing an ass) kinda caves in under my backbone. My legs are rock solid. My thighs are tight. But the inner-tube around my lower body just won't go away. I look like the Time For Timer character...the round ball guy with long skinny legs. I know I need to step up my workouts. I can't stand looking at my saggy stomach. If I don't step it up, my stomach will start sagging over my vagina. Gross. But the summer heat makes me feel like crap just walking after 30 minutes. I know, no excuses. I should join the gym. But I can't afford it right now.
I need to try and date again. Did I already say that?
I was in AZ for about 7 days. camped on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. Breathtaking, indeed! It was beautiful. My son loved it. I enjoyed the silence. I needed it so bad!
I'll be moving in 2 weeks. Yuk! I hate moving. Such a shitty task. But I took another look at my new place today. I'll finally have my own room! My room is actually pretty big. I'm so happy. But on the downside, I'll be broke for a few months. I can't even afford to buy myself a bed :( I might be sleeping on the futon still for a bit, until I can save enough money for a bed. But still, I'll be happy just to have a bigger place! Hooray!!
Tried to date this guy I met last month. We went out a couple of times. Sweet guy. Young. But it didn't work. I can't seem to get into anyone right now. I was finding all of these little reasons to not like the guy. I hated his laugh. He wasn't that funny. He likes Lincoln Park. EW!
Still got Chris on my mind and it's making me angry. We keep taking steps backwards. Never moving forward. We slipped once. Not too far, but we slipped. It was bound to happen. It was after a terrible fight. He hurt my feelings yet again. He made me cry, yet again. He apologized immensely and groveled at my feet...yet again. He told me he was shaking and worries why he keeps doing this to me. I don't know. I will never understand or try to make sense of this unhealthy, wanna-be bf/gf relationship. Why do I keep torturing myself like this? Tomorrow is his birthday and he's taking off to Portland for the weekend to spend it with his friend Tanya. Never met the girl. He talks about her sometimes. I think she was his sister's friend. For all I know, he probably fucked her. I don't want to know. He hasn't seen her in over a year. She only comes out to LA once a year on business. He gave me this long explanation as to why he chose to leave town for his bday rather than stay here and celebrate with me. It's ok. He's under no obligation. But of course, I wasn't ok with it. I gave him shit today. Not alot. Just pissy. God, I'm so sick of feeling this way. Why can't I just toss aside my emotions and just think of him and treat him the same way I treat all my other guy friends?! This sucks.
Next topic:
My son started 5th grade yesterday. It was so weird when I dropped him off. I remember like it was yesterday when I took him to his first day of Kindergarten. Next thing I know, he'll be borrowing my car. Yikes!
Still on my exercise regimen. 40 minute walks 5 times a week. A little exercise ball, dumb bells, and Fitness Band. My arms are a bit more toned...but my butt is still the shape of a square and my ass (if you call this flat thing an ass) kinda caves in under my backbone. My legs are rock solid. My thighs are tight. But the inner-tube around my lower body just won't go away. I look like the Time For Timer character...the round ball guy with long skinny legs. I know I need to step up my workouts. I can't stand looking at my saggy stomach. If I don't step it up, my stomach will start sagging over my vagina. Gross. But the summer heat makes me feel like crap just walking after 30 minutes. I know, no excuses. I should join the gym. But I can't afford it right now.
I need to try and date again. Did I already say that?