Fuck the Holidays
You know, I don't even really know how to begin this post. I'm so upset and depressed right now. For the past four days, I've cried myself to sleep. Hell, I may just end up crying right now as I write this. My job? Oh yeah, my "job" is a joke. Once a week it seems. I'm finding something else and giving the uniform back. I can't do it anymore. I need something that will actually pay me. But then, how the fuck do you go from making your own hours, and working whenever you want by just showing up, to being forced into a schedule? How do you go from working outside and hanging out, to sitting inside for 8 hours? It's enough to drive you mad! And it's driving me insane!!!
The one thing I hate the most...I'm almost 25. I'm almost 25, and there is no one....no one who seems to be willing to share their life with me. Oh yeah, Lilly seemed like a great candidate. She spoke a wonderful game. God, I miss her so bad sometimes. As much as she hurt me, I miss her.
I can't live alone for the rest of my life. I really can't, and I really think I'd rather not live, than be alone. I can't even begin to tell you how painful it is when everyone around you is either married, getting married, or thinking about getting married. What about me. As selfish as it sounds, when is it going to be MY turn.
Yup, well, there I go again. I feel like such a panzy every time I start crying. But I can't help it. I'm just in so much pain. I think that's why I've decided to hole myself up in my room. I'm barely around. Haven't talked to Shane and Maria for days, though I think I'm going to see them today. Not for very long though.
I can't stand being alone. I won't stand being alone.
The one thing I hate the most...I'm almost 25. I'm almost 25, and there is no one....no one who seems to be willing to share their life with me. Oh yeah, Lilly seemed like a great candidate. She spoke a wonderful game. God, I miss her so bad sometimes. As much as she hurt me, I miss her.
I can't live alone for the rest of my life. I really can't, and I really think I'd rather not live, than be alone. I can't even begin to tell you how painful it is when everyone around you is either married, getting married, or thinking about getting married. What about me. As selfish as it sounds, when is it going to be MY turn.
Yup, well, there I go again. I feel like such a panzy every time I start crying. But I can't help it. I'm just in so much pain. I think that's why I've decided to hole myself up in my room. I'm barely around. Haven't talked to Shane and Maria for days, though I think I'm going to see them today. Not for very long though.
I can't stand being alone. I won't stand being alone.