(no subject)
My cat is finally living in the apartment, as opposed to just my room! YAY! A few minutes ago his sister, who has been giving him the most trouble, walked by him in the hall without even looking at him! I don't know if they'll ever be friends, but them not hurting each other is enough for me! I'm just so happy he has space to run around now, and on a personal note, that his litter-box isn't in my bedroom anymore! I love my kitty!
As for me... complicated. I had a couple of really good days, despite averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night (my work schedule was really crappy.) Then at work saturday night, it all totally crashed down around me. The hostess and the manager screwed up and I got three tables, one of them a party, in about 2 minutes (and I already had a couple of tables when that happened.) They didn't get as good of service that I usually pride myself on giving... I really beat myself up about that at the time, which started a bad cycle of thoughts. However instead of just continuing to beat myself up indefinatly, like I would have a few months ago, I managed to realize later that I actually did a good job with the circumstances... Hell, I averaged a post-tax tip rate of 20% on the tables I had during that craziness. So obviously my customers were happy with me. And while that realization didn't stop the cycle of non-work bad thoughts, it seems like a good sign in terms of the issues that I personally, aside from the current situation, have always needed to work on. So I'm trying to see the good.
I sound like I'm OK but I'm sooooo not. But I think I'm starting to know that I will be, eventually.
I've now lost 15 pounds due to stress... I know it's a bad way of and reason for losing weight, but I'm very much enjoying how much nicer my body looks. It certianly opens up my wardrobe choices! I've been able to wear, and look good in, shirts that I haven't worn in at least two years. My sister gave me vitamins today which is good... I'm still throwing up a lot, and any day in which I manage to eat even one meal and not be sick is an accomplishment. So I know it's not really healthy, and I really am trying to eat better, but I still can, and do, enjoy the side effects!
Things are... moving along. I had some very productive appointments today. It's funny how he thinks he can just waltz out of all his promises and obligations (not just to me, but in general also) with no consequences... I guess it does make some sense that he thinks he can, since he has pretty much gotten away with doing so his entire life. But no more. I may not be able to hurt him emotionally like he has me, but I have legal rights and you can damn well believe I'm gonna stand up for them, and for myself. If he wants to think that my doing so is somehow being money-grubbing or whatnot, then it's jut another sign of his immaturity. Because any logical person would see that my seeking an equitable division of both assets and debts is fucking reasonable. But he thought that he could just assume my debts in exchange for keeping assets, and then declare bankruptcy... fucking running away from consequences, yet again. Not to mention stupid... really now, can't he even do research? Considering the cost of filing for bankruptcy compared to ALL our debts plus all of his from before we got married, there is just no way that will EVER work. He's mad that this can't just be easy as pie for him... well guess what, he doesn't deserve that. Maybe not being together is best for BOTH of us, but he still handled EVERYTHING like a quitter and a child, and for once in his life there WILL be consequences that even HE can't run away from. And aside from what he does or does not deserve, that is just how life works - you make decisions, and those decisions have consequences that you have to put up with even when you don't like them. Welcome to the human race.
Time to grow up now.
As for me... complicated. I had a couple of really good days, despite averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night (my work schedule was really crappy.) Then at work saturday night, it all totally crashed down around me. The hostess and the manager screwed up and I got three tables, one of them a party, in about 2 minutes (and I already had a couple of tables when that happened.) They didn't get as good of service that I usually pride myself on giving... I really beat myself up about that at the time, which started a bad cycle of thoughts. However instead of just continuing to beat myself up indefinatly, like I would have a few months ago, I managed to realize later that I actually did a good job with the circumstances... Hell, I averaged a post-tax tip rate of 20% on the tables I had during that craziness. So obviously my customers were happy with me. And while that realization didn't stop the cycle of non-work bad thoughts, it seems like a good sign in terms of the issues that I personally, aside from the current situation, have always needed to work on. So I'm trying to see the good.
I sound like I'm OK but I'm sooooo not. But I think I'm starting to know that I will be, eventually.
I've now lost 15 pounds due to stress... I know it's a bad way of and reason for losing weight, but I'm very much enjoying how much nicer my body looks. It certianly opens up my wardrobe choices! I've been able to wear, and look good in, shirts that I haven't worn in at least two years. My sister gave me vitamins today which is good... I'm still throwing up a lot, and any day in which I manage to eat even one meal and not be sick is an accomplishment. So I know it's not really healthy, and I really am trying to eat better, but I still can, and do, enjoy the side effects!
Things are... moving along. I had some very productive appointments today. It's funny how he thinks he can just waltz out of all his promises and obligations (not just to me, but in general also) with no consequences... I guess it does make some sense that he thinks he can, since he has pretty much gotten away with doing so his entire life. But no more. I may not be able to hurt him emotionally like he has me, but I have legal rights and you can damn well believe I'm gonna stand up for them, and for myself. If he wants to think that my doing so is somehow being money-grubbing or whatnot, then it's jut another sign of his immaturity. Because any logical person would see that my seeking an equitable division of both assets and debts is fucking reasonable. But he thought that he could just assume my debts in exchange for keeping assets, and then declare bankruptcy... fucking running away from consequences, yet again. Not to mention stupid... really now, can't he even do research? Considering the cost of filing for bankruptcy compared to ALL our debts plus all of his from before we got married, there is just no way that will EVER work. He's mad that this can't just be easy as pie for him... well guess what, he doesn't deserve that. Maybe not being together is best for BOTH of us, but he still handled EVERYTHING like a quitter and a child, and for once in his life there WILL be consequences that even HE can't run away from. And aside from what he does or does not deserve, that is just how life works - you make decisions, and those decisions have consequences that you have to put up with even when you don't like them. Welcome to the human race.
Time to grow up now.