Yes, I'm a liar. INTRO THE BLOG OF DOOOM!
I am a liar, but it's not my fault. It's like the day that you try to quit smoking and every evil bastard shows up to cut you off at an intersection to beat you to your job where they make your day a living hell until you say screw it, I'll quit tomorrow. I never have anything to blog about that's positive, or informative or anything so I thought throwing LJ out the window since it was no longer full-filling its original purpose was perfectly acceptable.
Of course, it's not like this damn blog has been full-filling its purpose since I opened it.
And I've acquired other purposes to having it or else I would have shut it down years ago.... like ICONS! ::cuddles her icons::
AND every blogworthy thing that could happen to me happened yesterday and all I wanted to do was come home and type it out!
but I didn't.
I should have!
So yes, I was being a melodramatic angsty cow. I see this now, thanks PJ. You have your way and I will continue to bitch... only not about the things, person, situation... that I've been bitching about.
I am ashamed that I held onto that shit for so long. And while part of me is sad that I've finally put a cork in it so to speak... I said what I needed to say, whether she read it or not, and for the first time in months I feel like I can move on. I actually listened to Seven Nations yesterday without getting sick to my stomach by being overwhelmed by negative feelings!
And then my therapist told me that I needed to get in touch with my inner narcissist... only positively. The example he gave me was that most narcissists live in a fantasy world where they are THE most important thing walking around. In a healthy world, that would mearly be living an optimistic life. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one... but I think I get what he's talking about.
My OTHER therapist (yes, I'm seeing TWO! YAY!!!!) is more traditional in the old school therapy and she's wanting me to write letters to everyone that I've lost in the last year... the ones that have died. So I have to write a letter to Aileen, Jason, Vadime, Marvin, and Tony. I'm also suppose to write letters to people that have impacted my life in a negative way like my maternal grandfather and his pig wife, my dad, Randy (the ass that raped me), and the one who molested my nieces... and forgive them. I like my other therapist alot more because he doesn't want me to forgive... he's just teaching me to be at peace with the situation and angry in a healthy non-explody kind of way. He's also pagan and is helping me with energy work and realigning my chakra energy and lots of other things that most of you probably do NOT want to hear about. All I will say is that he has helped me more in a month than any therapist in 16 years has, and just with standard therapy. We haven't even started the energy work yet, although he does have me meditating again.
In other news... I have a brand new tag for my truck that no longer says, "Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places" or whatever it used to say... it was probably that only backwards. It is now the pretty one that looks like twilight and doesn't really say anything. I got it for paying my vehicle taxes today! I am accomplished! And tired.
I'm on third shift now. 9pm-7am. I had a grown man demand that I cut his steak for him last night. It was disturbing. If he had been disabled, it would have been one thing... but no. Usually I can handle the crazies that come out after dark. Usually I'm one of them... but seriously? Do you want me to take the crust off your toast, too? Anyway, it's throwing a ratchet into my gears. I've ceased all production on my current fanfiction. I was writing again... for a while. ::sighs:: I'll get used to it though.
Anyway... I think I'm done now. More blogworthy crap happened but I'm just to exhausted to go into it now. 10 hour shifts, DMV, and a haircut will do that to a person. But I think I made a pretty good dent in getting the hang of this whole blogging thing again, though.
I need to figure out how to post pictures... I wanna post a few that I took when my friend and I went to the Aquarium and Fort Sumter while she was in town.
Of course, it's not like this damn blog has been full-filling its purpose since I opened it.
And I've acquired other purposes to having it or else I would have shut it down years ago.... like ICONS! ::cuddles her icons::
AND every blogworthy thing that could happen to me happened yesterday and all I wanted to do was come home and type it out!
but I didn't.
I should have!
So yes, I was being a melodramatic angsty cow. I see this now, thanks PJ. You have your way and I will continue to bitch... only not about the things, person, situation... that I've been bitching about.
I am ashamed that I held onto that shit for so long. And while part of me is sad that I've finally put a cork in it so to speak... I said what I needed to say, whether she read it or not, and for the first time in months I feel like I can move on. I actually listened to Seven Nations yesterday without getting sick to my stomach by being overwhelmed by negative feelings!
And then my therapist told me that I needed to get in touch with my inner narcissist... only positively. The example he gave me was that most narcissists live in a fantasy world where they are THE most important thing walking around. In a healthy world, that would mearly be living an optimistic life. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one... but I think I get what he's talking about.
My OTHER therapist (yes, I'm seeing TWO! YAY!!!!) is more traditional in the old school therapy and she's wanting me to write letters to everyone that I've lost in the last year... the ones that have died. So I have to write a letter to Aileen, Jason, Vadime, Marvin, and Tony. I'm also suppose to write letters to people that have impacted my life in a negative way like my maternal grandfather and his pig wife, my dad, Randy (the ass that raped me), and the one who molested my nieces... and forgive them. I like my other therapist alot more because he doesn't want me to forgive... he's just teaching me to be at peace with the situation and angry in a healthy non-explody kind of way. He's also pagan and is helping me with energy work and realigning my chakra energy and lots of other things that most of you probably do NOT want to hear about. All I will say is that he has helped me more in a month than any therapist in 16 years has, and just with standard therapy. We haven't even started the energy work yet, although he does have me meditating again.
In other news... I have a brand new tag for my truck that no longer says, "Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places" or whatever it used to say... it was probably that only backwards. It is now the pretty one that looks like twilight and doesn't really say anything. I got it for paying my vehicle taxes today! I am accomplished! And tired.
I'm on third shift now. 9pm-7am. I had a grown man demand that I cut his steak for him last night. It was disturbing. If he had been disabled, it would have been one thing... but no. Usually I can handle the crazies that come out after dark. Usually I'm one of them... but seriously? Do you want me to take the crust off your toast, too? Anyway, it's throwing a ratchet into my gears. I've ceased all production on my current fanfiction. I was writing again... for a while. ::sighs:: I'll get used to it though.
Anyway... I think I'm done now. More blogworthy crap happened but I'm just to exhausted to go into it now. 10 hour shifts, DMV, and a haircut will do that to a person. But I think I made a pretty good dent in getting the hang of this whole blogging thing again, though.
I need to figure out how to post pictures... I wanna post a few that I took when my friend and I went to the Aquarium and Fort Sumter while she was in town.