Matt McConaughey Movies!
As I have mentioned before, I am not a purveyor of cultured and/or intellectually stimulating films. My ideal and favored films have never won Academy Awards more prestigious than "Best Special Effects". My films have explosions, killing, ninjas, and/or zombies. With a healthy helping of boobies, just for kicks. Deep thought and inspiration break my movie-loving soul. So, naturally, there I was watching Matthew McConaughey blunder his way through the sand in an action-adventure flick that... well, something.
Sahara
First, a word on literature. Or at least books. Clive Cussler is a best-selling author, primary because of people like me who like books that are full of excitement and creative adventure and breathtaking action sequences and minimal deep thought. Love him or not, you'd have to admit that his tales are pretty much the same concept over and over. Hero Dirk and co. look for some mystery that has to do with boats, sea travel, treasure, history, etc. Meanwhile, in a seemingly unrelated event, there is some political or corporate evil plan going on somewhere. These two storylines gradually converge until it is realized that they can be resolved in the exact same manner, and voila! Epic conclusion arises. This formula is so absolute, that I'm convinced that Mr. Cussler has not actually written a novel in three years, and has instead acquired a thinking computer in which he can plug about twenty variables and have the computer spit out a completed "Dirk Pitt Adventure Novel". Go on, buy any three of his books and read them and tell me I'm wrong.
It's not to say they're bad. You just have to accept the bad and move on. And I can do that. You also have to accept the fact that Mr. Cussler wants Dirk Pitt to be a hero for a new millennium, a combination of Indiana Jones and James Bond. He almost succeeds. In this case, I think it's like James Bond Lite with a shot of Diet Indiana Jones. Not quite as cool as his forebears, but he'll do for the moment.
The plot: Dirk looks for a battleship in the Sahara desert. The audience buys it. Also, there's some plague and some warlords and shooting and stuff.
The pros: The two seemingly unrelated plot points are woven together quite nicely through touches of coincidence and comedy. There's action aplenty, humorous banter between protagonists, and treasure hunting, which is always fun. Ladies who dig Matt's hot body will not be disappointed. Guys who dig Penelope Cruz's hot body don't quite get as much of the goods... but that's not the point. The heroes are heroically good; the villains naughty and bad. It's cookie-cutter action adventure at its finest. Explosions, African ninjas, evil French guys, warlords, and treasure. You can't go wrong.
The cons: I really think the protagonists are miscast. McConaughey, Zahn and Macy just didn't seem right for their parts somehow, but that could just come from having read some of the books the series is based on. Penelope Cruz is the token "Bond Girl" and just isn't very exciting, all hotness aside. The action sequences could all be taken from a James Bond movie, as I said, but without the flair that makes Bond a cut above the rest. Likewise, the treasure hunting sequences are taken from the pages of Indiana Jones, but again without the charm and wit that made Dr. Jones the hero of archaeology. It's obvious the producers want this to become a series, and it probably will; I just think it could have used a better casting call. Although it is good to see the Merovingean still getting jobs as Token Obnoxious French Villain. But the movie is unclear as to what happens to him at the end. I must have blinked, because I didn't get it. Someone clue me in- he was there, Delroy Lindo poured him some water, and... quoi? Lo Pan wouldn't have been all subtle-like.
The verdict: Check your brain at the door and you'll have a good time. Just remember where this film draws its rich ancestry from, and pay homage to the shrines of Indy and Bond on your way out.
Disclaimer: Civl war-era cannons can, in fact, take down helicopters. You saw it here first.
Sahara
First, a word on literature. Or at least books. Clive Cussler is a best-selling author, primary because of people like me who like books that are full of excitement and creative adventure and breathtaking action sequences and minimal deep thought. Love him or not, you'd have to admit that his tales are pretty much the same concept over and over. Hero Dirk and co. look for some mystery that has to do with boats, sea travel, treasure, history, etc. Meanwhile, in a seemingly unrelated event, there is some political or corporate evil plan going on somewhere. These two storylines gradually converge until it is realized that they can be resolved in the exact same manner, and voila! Epic conclusion arises. This formula is so absolute, that I'm convinced that Mr. Cussler has not actually written a novel in three years, and has instead acquired a thinking computer in which he can plug about twenty variables and have the computer spit out a completed "Dirk Pitt Adventure Novel". Go on, buy any three of his books and read them and tell me I'm wrong.
It's not to say they're bad. You just have to accept the bad and move on. And I can do that. You also have to accept the fact that Mr. Cussler wants Dirk Pitt to be a hero for a new millennium, a combination of Indiana Jones and James Bond. He almost succeeds. In this case, I think it's like James Bond Lite with a shot of Diet Indiana Jones. Not quite as cool as his forebears, but he'll do for the moment.
The plot: Dirk looks for a battleship in the Sahara desert. The audience buys it. Also, there's some plague and some warlords and shooting and stuff.
The pros: The two seemingly unrelated plot points are woven together quite nicely through touches of coincidence and comedy. There's action aplenty, humorous banter between protagonists, and treasure hunting, which is always fun. Ladies who dig Matt's hot body will not be disappointed. Guys who dig Penelope Cruz's hot body don't quite get as much of the goods... but that's not the point. The heroes are heroically good; the villains naughty and bad. It's cookie-cutter action adventure at its finest. Explosions, African ninjas, evil French guys, warlords, and treasure. You can't go wrong.
The cons: I really think the protagonists are miscast. McConaughey, Zahn and Macy just didn't seem right for their parts somehow, but that could just come from having read some of the books the series is based on. Penelope Cruz is the token "Bond Girl" and just isn't very exciting, all hotness aside. The action sequences could all be taken from a James Bond movie, as I said, but without the flair that makes Bond a cut above the rest. Likewise, the treasure hunting sequences are taken from the pages of Indiana Jones, but again without the charm and wit that made Dr. Jones the hero of archaeology. It's obvious the producers want this to become a series, and it probably will; I just think it could have used a better casting call. Although it is good to see the Merovingean still getting jobs as Token Obnoxious French Villain. But the movie is unclear as to what happens to him at the end. I must have blinked, because I didn't get it. Someone clue me in- he was there, Delroy Lindo poured him some water, and... quoi? Lo Pan wouldn't have been all subtle-like.
The verdict: Check your brain at the door and you'll have a good time. Just remember where this film draws its rich ancestry from, and pay homage to the shrines of Indy and Bond on your way out.
Disclaimer: Civl war-era cannons can, in fact, take down helicopters. You saw it here first.