And Now, The Olympics
Me, talk about sports? How radical! And yet, the Olympics are sports like no other sport. Except the sports that are in the Olympics. Or something. Anyway, blah blah, let's discuss.
Truth be told, I both love and hate the Olympics.
My love of the Olympics is simple. I'm not really a tremendous sports fan- I don't know jack shit about baseball, football, hockey, or any other major league highly commercialized sport out there. I wouldn't be able to tell Derek Jeter from Brett Favre from Wayne Gretzky, and in fact I'm fortunate enough to know that they are baseball, football, and hockey players respectively.
The Olympics, however, are mostly about other sports. Not that they too aren't big name brand sports- swimming, soccer, gymnastics, basketball, etc.- but a lot of them aren't seen on TV 24/7. For the most part, people only notice during the Olympics themselves. And, whether I like sports or not, I appreciate the concept of international competition, of a truly global encounter at the games.
Now, in all honesty, I like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics, because there's more destruction. Anytime you involve a sport with a highly frictionless surface such as, say, ICE, you have the potential for catastrophe. Skiing, skating, luging, bobsledding- you can't go sixty seconds in those events without some poor schmoe sliding into a banister and losing bigtime. Schadenfreude makes the Winter Olympiad truly marvelous. Sure, folks get busted up in summer, but it's just not as spectacular.
So, in summary, the Olympics are a chance to see global competition at the highest level in a very diverse array of sporting events.
And now, the hate.
The hate does not really have anything to do with the sports themselves, in a sense. Well, a little, but we'll get to that in a second. For starters, sports broadcasting. This is the part that always gets my goat. Instead of showing, say, the actual performances, they waste countless hours talking about the athletes and their lives and their hardships and OH NOEZ I WANTED TO BE SWIMMER BUT HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN HADNT BEEN INVENTED YET IN MY COUNTRY WOE. Shut the fuck up! I don't care that this swimmer likes to go to the farmer's market in San Francisco and shop. THAT HAS NOTHING THE FUCK TO DO WITH ANYTHING. In the time they waste on these montages they could have shown two entire events.
(Ok, minor perk: I was strangely amused by the fact that President Bush was into the women's beach volleyball event. I can't really explain why.)
Oooh, wait, here's a radical concept: Instead of showing another stupid montage, how about going to A DIFFERENT SPORT. Rah bah bah, swimming boxing gymnastics. Color me stupid, but aren't there a dozen other things going on at the same time? My hugest sympathies go out to the US Women's Fencing division. Gold, silver, and bronze all went to the US team, and all they got was a few minutes with Bob Costas and ten seconds of playback. No coverage. Nothing.
I don't even care that all they show are the American competitors and their top rivals. Fine, that's American broadcasting for you. But spread it out! Show some other events! You can do it. It's not that hard. Fortunately, the Internet is a bit better about that, with cameras broadcasting several events simultaneously. That's progress.
The only other thing I hate about the Olympics has to do with me being a snob. I'll admit it. I dislike "subjective" sports. Ice dancing, figure skating, gymnastics, synchronized diving, and so on just aggravate me because the judging is still subject to human influence and partiality. How does a swimmer win the race? By reaching the finishing line first. How does the javeling thrower win? By throwing the farthest. How does the figure skater win? By, uh, looking good while doing stuff. Ok, that's hyperbolizing a bit. But still. I like my sports clean and mathematically pure. I'm not discounting those subjective sports as non-sports, or as less athletic; those people are most certainly putting on a very physically demanding performance. I just have a hard time reconciling with my brain the less-than-definitive scoring mechanisms.
Oh, and finally, a quote, from the opening ceremonies.
"And here we have the Central African Republic. The Central African Republic is a republic located in central Africa."
Thank you, Public Announcing Person. Truly, you have taught me a great truth that I might never have realized on my own.
Ok, one more: Bob Costas interviews Bela Lugosi*, US Gymnastics coach. Bela says, "...it was protected by an umbrella. An umbrella of protection. A protective umbrella."
Wait, Bela. What kind of umbrella again? I didn't quite get you the first three times. In A Row.
Wait, one more as well: Bob Costas interviews President Bush, after asking a whole bunch of questions.
Bob: So, what other events will you be watching?
George: Well, if you ever let me out of this studio, I'll be watching the swimming.
Bob: Thank you sir, you're dismissed.
Truth be told, I both love and hate the Olympics.
My love of the Olympics is simple. I'm not really a tremendous sports fan- I don't know jack shit about baseball, football, hockey, or any other major league highly commercialized sport out there. I wouldn't be able to tell Derek Jeter from Brett Favre from Wayne Gretzky, and in fact I'm fortunate enough to know that they are baseball, football, and hockey players respectively.
The Olympics, however, are mostly about other sports. Not that they too aren't big name brand sports- swimming, soccer, gymnastics, basketball, etc.- but a lot of them aren't seen on TV 24/7. For the most part, people only notice during the Olympics themselves. And, whether I like sports or not, I appreciate the concept of international competition, of a truly global encounter at the games.
Now, in all honesty, I like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics, because there's more destruction. Anytime you involve a sport with a highly frictionless surface such as, say, ICE, you have the potential for catastrophe. Skiing, skating, luging, bobsledding- you can't go sixty seconds in those events without some poor schmoe sliding into a banister and losing bigtime. Schadenfreude makes the Winter Olympiad truly marvelous. Sure, folks get busted up in summer, but it's just not as spectacular.
So, in summary, the Olympics are a chance to see global competition at the highest level in a very diverse array of sporting events.
And now, the hate.
The hate does not really have anything to do with the sports themselves, in a sense. Well, a little, but we'll get to that in a second. For starters, sports broadcasting. This is the part that always gets my goat. Instead of showing, say, the actual performances, they waste countless hours talking about the athletes and their lives and their hardships and OH NOEZ I WANTED TO BE SWIMMER BUT HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN HADNT BEEN INVENTED YET IN MY COUNTRY WOE. Shut the fuck up! I don't care that this swimmer likes to go to the farmer's market in San Francisco and shop. THAT HAS NOTHING THE FUCK TO DO WITH ANYTHING. In the time they waste on these montages they could have shown two entire events.
(Ok, minor perk: I was strangely amused by the fact that President Bush was into the women's beach volleyball event. I can't really explain why.)
Oooh, wait, here's a radical concept: Instead of showing another stupid montage, how about going to A DIFFERENT SPORT. Rah bah bah, swimming boxing gymnastics. Color me stupid, but aren't there a dozen other things going on at the same time? My hugest sympathies go out to the US Women's Fencing division. Gold, silver, and bronze all went to the US team, and all they got was a few minutes with Bob Costas and ten seconds of playback. No coverage. Nothing.
I don't even care that all they show are the American competitors and their top rivals. Fine, that's American broadcasting for you. But spread it out! Show some other events! You can do it. It's not that hard. Fortunately, the Internet is a bit better about that, with cameras broadcasting several events simultaneously. That's progress.
The only other thing I hate about the Olympics has to do with me being a snob. I'll admit it. I dislike "subjective" sports. Ice dancing, figure skating, gymnastics, synchronized diving, and so on just aggravate me because the judging is still subject to human influence and partiality. How does a swimmer win the race? By reaching the finishing line first. How does the javeling thrower win? By throwing the farthest. How does the figure skater win? By, uh, looking good while doing stuff. Ok, that's hyperbolizing a bit. But still. I like my sports clean and mathematically pure. I'm not discounting those subjective sports as non-sports, or as less athletic; those people are most certainly putting on a very physically demanding performance. I just have a hard time reconciling with my brain the less-than-definitive scoring mechanisms.
Oh, and finally, a quote, from the opening ceremonies.
"And here we have the Central African Republic. The Central African Republic is a republic located in central Africa."
Thank you, Public Announcing Person. Truly, you have taught me a great truth that I might never have realized on my own.
Ok, one more: Bob Costas interviews Bela Lugosi*, US Gymnastics coach. Bela says, "...it was protected by an umbrella. An umbrella of protection. A protective umbrella."
Wait, Bela. What kind of umbrella again? I didn't quite get you the first three times. In A Row.
Wait, one more as well: Bob Costas interviews President Bush, after asking a whole bunch of questions.
Bob: So, what other events will you be watching?
George: Well, if you ever let me out of this studio, I'll be watching the swimming.
Bob: Thank you sir, you're dismissed.