Nellie convo
Today me and nellie had an argument, online of course..while at work and seriously i was just trying to have her say that she wants me to come out there sometimes..instead of me asking all the time. and the thing about it is, i think even if nellie may have thought for a second hmmm maybe what taya is saying is true...she wouldnt admit it. and i have many flaws, everyone does and i guess one of them for nellie is admitting that she is wrong in something. she took everything i said out of context to flip it so that she was the victim...i didnt care about being a victim, i just was tryna say something to her...and in the end she questioned my sisterhood to her and that i didnt expect and it hurt like hell reading that part. i realize that im not good with words, never have been...but damn i didnt think what i was saying to her was something that would make her question that....she mentioned something about me never giving all myself....and i guess that true because when i do, i get hurt in the end. no one else but me.
and to top it off i was having breathing problems all day today, so it made it that much more painful i think. so amma post this. and i dunno leave something or not dont really care. i just want to remember this. oh and until i have time to reorder things, which cant be now cuz i cant reread what jus happened i just spent my lunch crying and getting over it, this is backwards because they are thru email.... so if u tryna read this scroll all the way to the bottom of the entry
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:47 PM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
I'm done.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:41 PM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OMG ur taking this completely the wrong way than I intended it. I didn’t use the word annoy for you to think that I meant walk on eggshells…. When do I walk on egg shells with u? I don’t! im not saying that I do and im not saying that u shud either…..its like when we are talking and one of us will say part of something and then be like nevermind….whats our first reaction?! Tell me! Right? Ok so instead of saying that first part I don’t say anything at all. Its not like im hiding anything from u…im not walking on eggshells. Ur right we have known each other long enough to not have too.
Ok lets go to this marriage scenario…your past the honemoon stage….your not trying anymore…but sis u cant tell me that if ur man did everything you wanted him to do but never said the words I love you….for me, I know just to hear those words sometimes means the world. Actions speak louder than words yes, but damn the words are the shit to hear too. Im not trying to put blame on you im just letting you know that I hear myself asking the question, when are we gonna see each other and not hearing it from u, maybe because im askin to frequent. Fine. So be it. I wasn’t trying to make this a big thing
And uve been around my family…my father, my mother, shit pretty much all those that matter and ive heard it from ur own mouth that we don’t verbalize wat we wanna say….so you KNOW THIS ABOUT ME. No matter how much I fuckin try its just wats been embedded in me. Its how I grew up so for u to say “ I dont know why you cant just be - you cant just simply say what you feel or say you wanna come through you make it so difficult to be carefree”…. Its me sis! Shit! I mean since our relationship ive definetly done a lot better, if u don’t see that then I don’t know what else to say. But im not gonna change completely! Why do I have to change why cant u just understand that’s just who I am. And im not asking you to walk on eggshells and never say what my faults are cuz how else am I supposed to try and change and grow. Just don’t expect me to change completely…and all at once.
Why cant u do what possibly isn’t u and suggest I come? I don’t understand that.I told u I wasn’t trying to question whether this was about knowing we love each other. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal… and for u to question my definition of our sisterhood is a kick in the mother fuckin throat….that u shouldve walked on eggshells before sending to me. I would NEVER question that
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:09 PM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OK fine Taya. - you obviously handle things way too differently. I wear myself on my sleeve to you, Ant, Cathy, and Neuza and i THOUGHT that we didn't have to walk on egg shells for each other which is what you're making me feel like I have to do...you're telling me that we should try not to annoy each other when we're supposed to be the 1 person in each others lives where its COMPLETELY comfortable and you dont have to think and you can just be...its just like a marriage after time its not in the honeymoon stage anymore and yes you do things to keep the romance alive in a marriage but you dont have to try anymore..we talk all the time so its not like we dont know we love each other so why cant you just say you wanna come - no, you wait for me to suggest..
this has nothing to do with consideration and changing habits...a habit is something like making a call daily, or emailing something daily etc....I am being considerate of your feelings but this is beyond that - i didnt say you dont love and respect me and i didnt say i dont love and respect you but I'm not that kind of sister sorry. I dont know why you cant just be - you cant just simply say what you feel or say you wanna come through you make it so difficult to be carefree and I obviously will never understand why...I have trouble saying how i feel to ANYONE BUT MY BEST FRIENDS..you all get all of me and you're just not going to do that, you're always gonna give me "some" and after all these years this conversation is ridiculous b/c of everyone I expected you to be the last 1 I'm discussing "annoying" each other and "you have to tell me to come see you so i feel loved? we display our love DAILY we talk ALL day why the hell do I have to suggest anything? it should just be...
I'm done, I'm not going to justify the fact that i am not asking a best friend of mine to come visit me and so on...if this is your defenition of "sister" we really aren't on the same page at all..
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:03 AM
To:Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
Ok whatever Nellie. I understand that we are sisters and I do the same thing with pat. If I know that something is going to annoy pat…I don’t do it, or rethink saying it…I “annoy” you more than I do her….maybe im more of a tart than I realized b/c they do the same shit, if we want to feel loved we will wait an extended amount of time and then if nothing comes up about whatever it is we tell each other how we feel, whether its in a joking/snide remark or not…we eventually tell them so that the shit doesn’t happen again or as often…
I’m really serious about how I feel about this. I hope ur not belittling it just cuz I said it on here vs on the phone, u know I suck with words to begin with…its been said and I would hope that u wud try and freakin accept it,.just as u said on the vm last nite how u felt…im sayin how I feel. That’s all. Its up to us to take what we have said to each other into consideration and change our habits for each other….or stay the same knowing that the other person is being hurt/ whateva by our actions. Whatever I heard and acknowledge what u said on the voicemail….all im asking you to do is the same on letting me know u wanna see me.
And its not a question of whether I know u wanna see me, just like it shouldn’t be a question on whether I say I love u every nite or not for u to know that I got a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of love and respect for u sis…its just wat we both like/want/need.
Ok and im done sayin what I gotta say cuz im catchin tears tryna explain myself…u can say ur last piece and call it the end of this particular discussion, please. And don’t say no damn whateva taya…tell me what u gotta say on it…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:44 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
wow - whatever taya. -- wth is this "wait for me to suggest" and "i dont wanna seem like an annoyance" taya do you hear yourself? i thought we were sisters - what the hell are you talking about? we should not be having any of this nonsense going on..I thought we were beyond that point and i dont understand why you keep doing this - i dont care if i annoy you b/c i THOUGHT we had a sister type relationship...what sisters do that???
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:35 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OK ur right we don’t have the relationship where we NEED to ask to come thru, but no bs I would like it from time to time. To me it’s another way for showin the love…I joke all time that I want u to call me first or email me first because I wanna feel the love to and whatnot but within the joke is truth sis. Like last time I asked when we were gonna see each other u sighed and said why do u do this? Cuz I wanna see u sis! Duh!
I mean I stop myself from askin it more often than I would cuz I don’t want to seem like an annoyance, but I do wanna see u. if u wanted to see me u would suggest me coming out there on a Sunday, but not until today have u said that. And ideally I would have to come out there for one day cuz I cant spend the nite but not once have u suggested that to me sis. Me coming up there on a Sunday never crossed my mind, and im sure its crossed urs prior today, but sis our minds aren’t connected to read each other all the time, you have to say something too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:22 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
sis you stay coming with BS excuses and its so funny to me - we do NOT have the type of relationship where either 1 of us needs to ask to go see each other...yea my weekends are busy but sundays for example i do nothing and with a car if you REALLY wanted to do a day trip you can...so if your car is acting up its 1 thing but don't try to make it sound like its all on me either.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:10 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
I was considering it but my car is acting up……sis u have not asked me to come out there….if uve noticed I have stopped asking u when are u coming here, and changed it to when are we gonna see each other. I just figured u didn’t want me coming up there or u didn’t have a free day to chill. You’ve been saying ur busy every weekend so I haven’t suggested it to u. so fall back!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:54 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
o hell to the sfgdsugysagbvi NO you're not considering driving to RI for the graduation taya...you haven't suggested driving here for me...i'm done talking to you today.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:47 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
Nah I wanna go to her house at lunch and use her moms breathing thing.
Nah not really. I told her that I was goin to my cousins which is the same day but I wasn’t sure b/c renees at 9 and I have no idea what time my cousins is at.
and to top it off i was having breathing problems all day today, so it made it that much more painful i think. so amma post this. and i dunno leave something or not dont really care. i just want to remember this. oh and until i have time to reorder things, which cant be now cuz i cant reread what jus happened i just spent my lunch crying and getting over it, this is backwards because they are thru email.... so if u tryna read this scroll all the way to the bottom of the entry
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:47 PM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
I'm done.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:41 PM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OMG ur taking this completely the wrong way than I intended it. I didn’t use the word annoy for you to think that I meant walk on eggshells…. When do I walk on egg shells with u? I don’t! im not saying that I do and im not saying that u shud either…..its like when we are talking and one of us will say part of something and then be like nevermind….whats our first reaction?! Tell me! Right? Ok so instead of saying that first part I don’t say anything at all. Its not like im hiding anything from u…im not walking on eggshells. Ur right we have known each other long enough to not have too.
Ok lets go to this marriage scenario…your past the honemoon stage….your not trying anymore…but sis u cant tell me that if ur man did everything you wanted him to do but never said the words I love you….for me, I know just to hear those words sometimes means the world. Actions speak louder than words yes, but damn the words are the shit to hear too. Im not trying to put blame on you im just letting you know that I hear myself asking the question, when are we gonna see each other and not hearing it from u, maybe because im askin to frequent. Fine. So be it. I wasn’t trying to make this a big thing
And uve been around my family…my father, my mother, shit pretty much all those that matter and ive heard it from ur own mouth that we don’t verbalize wat we wanna say….so you KNOW THIS ABOUT ME. No matter how much I fuckin try its just wats been embedded in me. Its how I grew up so for u to say “ I dont know why you cant just be - you cant just simply say what you feel or say you wanna come through you make it so difficult to be carefree”…. Its me sis! Shit! I mean since our relationship ive definetly done a lot better, if u don’t see that then I don’t know what else to say. But im not gonna change completely! Why do I have to change why cant u just understand that’s just who I am. And im not asking you to walk on eggshells and never say what my faults are cuz how else am I supposed to try and change and grow. Just don’t expect me to change completely…and all at once.
Why cant u do what possibly isn’t u and suggest I come? I don’t understand that.I told u I wasn’t trying to question whether this was about knowing we love each other. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal… and for u to question my definition of our sisterhood is a kick in the mother fuckin throat….that u shouldve walked on eggshells before sending to me. I would NEVER question that
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 12:09 PM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OK fine Taya. - you obviously handle things way too differently. I wear myself on my sleeve to you, Ant, Cathy, and Neuza and i THOUGHT that we didn't have to walk on egg shells for each other which is what you're making me feel like I have to do...you're telling me that we should try not to annoy each other when we're supposed to be the 1 person in each others lives where its COMPLETELY comfortable and you dont have to think and you can just be...its just like a marriage after time its not in the honeymoon stage anymore and yes you do things to keep the romance alive in a marriage but you dont have to try anymore..we talk all the time so its not like we dont know we love each other so why cant you just say you wanna come - no, you wait for me to suggest..
this has nothing to do with consideration and changing habits...a habit is something like making a call daily, or emailing something daily etc....I am being considerate of your feelings but this is beyond that - i didnt say you dont love and respect me and i didnt say i dont love and respect you but I'm not that kind of sister sorry. I dont know why you cant just be - you cant just simply say what you feel or say you wanna come through you make it so difficult to be carefree and I obviously will never understand why...I have trouble saying how i feel to ANYONE BUT MY BEST FRIENDS..you all get all of me and you're just not going to do that, you're always gonna give me "some" and after all these years this conversation is ridiculous b/c of everyone I expected you to be the last 1 I'm discussing "annoying" each other and "you have to tell me to come see you so i feel loved? we display our love DAILY we talk ALL day why the hell do I have to suggest anything? it should just be...
I'm done, I'm not going to justify the fact that i am not asking a best friend of mine to come visit me and so on...if this is your defenition of "sister" we really aren't on the same page at all..
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:03 AM
To:Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
Ok whatever Nellie. I understand that we are sisters and I do the same thing with pat. If I know that something is going to annoy pat…I don’t do it, or rethink saying it…I “annoy” you more than I do her….maybe im more of a tart than I realized b/c they do the same shit, if we want to feel loved we will wait an extended amount of time and then if nothing comes up about whatever it is we tell each other how we feel, whether its in a joking/snide remark or not…we eventually tell them so that the shit doesn’t happen again or as often…
I’m really serious about how I feel about this. I hope ur not belittling it just cuz I said it on here vs on the phone, u know I suck with words to begin with…its been said and I would hope that u wud try and freakin accept it,.just as u said on the vm last nite how u felt…im sayin how I feel. That’s all. Its up to us to take what we have said to each other into consideration and change our habits for each other….or stay the same knowing that the other person is being hurt/ whateva by our actions. Whatever I heard and acknowledge what u said on the voicemail….all im asking you to do is the same on letting me know u wanna see me.
And its not a question of whether I know u wanna see me, just like it shouldn’t be a question on whether I say I love u every nite or not for u to know that I got a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of love and respect for u sis…its just wat we both like/want/need.
Ok and im done sayin what I gotta say cuz im catchin tears tryna explain myself…u can say ur last piece and call it the end of this particular discussion, please. And don’t say no damn whateva taya…tell me what u gotta say on it…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:44 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
wow - whatever taya. -- wth is this "wait for me to suggest" and "i dont wanna seem like an annoyance" taya do you hear yourself? i thought we were sisters - what the hell are you talking about? we should not be having any of this nonsense going on..I thought we were beyond that point and i dont understand why you keep doing this - i dont care if i annoy you b/c i THOUGHT we had a sister type relationship...what sisters do that???
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:35 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
OK ur right we don’t have the relationship where we NEED to ask to come thru, but no bs I would like it from time to time. To me it’s another way for showin the love…I joke all time that I want u to call me first or email me first because I wanna feel the love to and whatnot but within the joke is truth sis. Like last time I asked when we were gonna see each other u sighed and said why do u do this? Cuz I wanna see u sis! Duh!
I mean I stop myself from askin it more often than I would cuz I don’t want to seem like an annoyance, but I do wanna see u. if u wanted to see me u would suggest me coming out there on a Sunday, but not until today have u said that. And ideally I would have to come out there for one day cuz I cant spend the nite but not once have u suggested that to me sis. Me coming up there on a Sunday never crossed my mind, and im sure its crossed urs prior today, but sis our minds aren’t connected to read each other all the time, you have to say something too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:22 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
sis you stay coming with BS excuses and its so funny to me - we do NOT have the type of relationship where either 1 of us needs to ask to go see each other...yea my weekends are busy but sundays for example i do nothing and with a car if you REALLY wanted to do a day trip you can...so if your car is acting up its 1 thing but don't try to make it sound like its all on me either.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:10 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
I was considering it but my car is acting up……sis u have not asked me to come out there….if uve noticed I have stopped asking u when are u coming here, and changed it to when are we gonna see each other. I just figured u didn’t want me coming up there or u didn’t have a free day to chill. You’ve been saying ur busy every weekend so I haven’t suggested it to u. so fall back!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nellie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:54 AM
To: Shantaya
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
o hell to the sfgdsugysagbvi NO you're not considering driving to RI for the graduation taya...you haven't suggested driving here for me...i'm done talking to you today.
-----Original Message-----
From: Shantaya
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:47 AM
To: Nellie
Subject: RE: TUESDAY
Nah I wanna go to her house at lunch and use her moms breathing thing.
Nah not really. I told her that I was goin to my cousins which is the same day but I wasn’t sure b/c renees at 9 and I have no idea what time my cousins is at.