Straight bullshit, I tell you.
http://news.discovery.com/human/brain-takes-less-than-second-to-fall-in-love.html
That's not cool. So it is possible that's what this is. (Yeah, I know...still fighting it.)
I really...probably shouldn't be so friggin straightforward. I want to know all the details, I want all the small-talk, but I want to know the answer to the question which has been on my mind since Thursday, too. ...what his thoughts on what happened are.
And, in order to ask such a thing, it needed to be phrased as to inform him of mine.
But I'm not friggin supposed to be so open about shit, this early in an (what technically would likely be considered) acquaintanceship. It's not the way people operate--end of story. Makes 'em all uncomfortable to have somebody rush the stages.
Internalized god damned social conventions. Sometimes, I swear to God, I wish my parents hadn't left me to my own devices so much of my youth. Nothing to be done of it.
I just...well, damnit...I'm excited. If this is love (and why can't it be, hm?), then I want to enjoy every moment of it which I can--before it becomes heartache through separation, or whatever.
And if he's not interested in just enjoying what there is to be had--conversation, most blatantly.
Then, damnit, I need to get my head realigned.
But...shit.
I'm too impatient. I'm supposed to let the guy be the one to broach such topics. I'm not supposed to be ...straightforward and ask for what I want, if it's not yet been mentioned as to whether it's for the having. It's attractive to be coy and demure -all the fucking time.-
One of these days, maybe someone will honest-to-God realize that, although I'm not the least conventional in a lot of my approaches and responses...I'm damned desirable, and more than worth having. Some day, someone will realize that, and realize how damned lucky he is to be gifted with my regard and affections.
Dunno when, but eh. It's fine. I just wish I understood that, a bit more. Or, no...really...it's not that I -don't- understand it. I understand it all too friggin well. I wish more people realized the absurdity of such restriction, in instance. Self-protection is one thing, but seriously...how is being open with someone about who you are and how you feel a friggin threat to self?
Only could it be, if that 'self' is uncertain, I would wager.
I'm so damned curious of how he sees the world, and what experiences have made him the way he is. Frack.
And I don't friggin know whether I'll be able to sate that curiosity. Damnit. Vexed all to hell, over that last. I just want to talk openly with people.
Why is that so damned difficult for them to accept? A degree of god-damned enthusiasm in your conversation partner is a fun thing--makes for a more invigorating exchange. I really hope, someday, I'm able to figure out some approach to conversation which doesn't compromise me, while it allows people comfort.
It's why I usually just friggin listen, rather than talking. Hell, it's better to at least have somebody talk at me rather than run away. I seem to make people uncomfortable...or, at least, the conversation I present does. I don't quite know what to think of that.
That's not cool. So it is possible that's what this is. (Yeah, I know...still fighting it.)
I really...probably shouldn't be so friggin straightforward. I want to know all the details, I want all the small-talk, but I want to know the answer to the question which has been on my mind since Thursday, too. ...what his thoughts on what happened are.
And, in order to ask such a thing, it needed to be phrased as to inform him of mine.
But I'm not friggin supposed to be so open about shit, this early in an (what technically would likely be considered) acquaintanceship. It's not the way people operate--end of story. Makes 'em all uncomfortable to have somebody rush the stages.
Internalized god damned social conventions. Sometimes, I swear to God, I wish my parents hadn't left me to my own devices so much of my youth. Nothing to be done of it.
I just...well, damnit...I'm excited. If this is love (and why can't it be, hm?), then I want to enjoy every moment of it which I can--before it becomes heartache through separation, or whatever.
And if he's not interested in just enjoying what there is to be had--conversation, most blatantly.
Then, damnit, I need to get my head realigned.
But...shit.
I'm too impatient. I'm supposed to let the guy be the one to broach such topics. I'm not supposed to be ...straightforward and ask for what I want, if it's not yet been mentioned as to whether it's for the having. It's attractive to be coy and demure -all the fucking time.-
One of these days, maybe someone will honest-to-God realize that, although I'm not the least conventional in a lot of my approaches and responses...I'm damned desirable, and more than worth having. Some day, someone will realize that, and realize how damned lucky he is to be gifted with my regard and affections.
Dunno when, but eh. It's fine. I just wish I understood that, a bit more. Or, no...really...it's not that I -don't- understand it. I understand it all too friggin well. I wish more people realized the absurdity of such restriction, in instance. Self-protection is one thing, but seriously...how is being open with someone about who you are and how you feel a friggin threat to self?
Only could it be, if that 'self' is uncertain, I would wager.
I'm so damned curious of how he sees the world, and what experiences have made him the way he is. Frack.
And I don't friggin know whether I'll be able to sate that curiosity. Damnit. Vexed all to hell, over that last. I just want to talk openly with people.
Why is that so damned difficult for them to accept? A degree of god-damned enthusiasm in your conversation partner is a fun thing--makes for a more invigorating exchange. I really hope, someday, I'm able to figure out some approach to conversation which doesn't compromise me, while it allows people comfort.
It's why I usually just friggin listen, rather than talking. Hell, it's better to at least have somebody talk at me rather than run away. I seem to make people uncomfortable...or, at least, the conversation I present does. I don't quite know what to think of that.