(no subject)
i'm experiencing a reintegration of my past experiences, crutches, and even obsessions. just out of nowhere. but it helps me understand their nature. it's cool, and i wanna know more. i remember how just, unspeakably, god damn comforting it was to have my own world inside my mind where i actualized hopeless desires. i've never done heroin but i imagine the experience and psychological dependence is similar. it's a catch 22- as long as it's such a big deal there's no way i could ever see it happen in life. maybe that was the point. now it's not a big deal but i have this feeling like i want it again. it was fucking crazy.