pain-filled secrets
He found her sitting there, sight of loneliness and vulnerability, something of a dichotomy with what he knew of this girl so far. With Amy’s words in his head, he tries to offer comfort somehow. He needn’t bother.
“I knew you were terrible, Doctor. I just never thought you were cruel, too,” she said with a tremor in her voice. Brought on by anger or hurt, she did not know. “I hear all these things about you, how magnificent, clever, extraordinary a person that you are,” she spits out. “He’s wonderful, that Doctor! He takes you places! Wonderful places that not even your imagination can create! He’s so brave and kind, too! You should see him save those in need without asking for anything in return. You should see him RUN!” voice mimicking an air-head floozy. “Do they know, Doctor? Do they know how the people around you seem to suffer worse fates than if you had left them alone?”
He flinched, those words striking deep, a truth he cannot deny. Seeing this only made her angrier. “Well?! Do you have anything at all to say for yourself?! Not so clever now, are you?!” she sneers, her seething voice echoing throughout the cavern. “The only two people worth caring about in this fucked up universe, somehow I’ve managed to watch them die twice!!” she cried out in rage.
~~~
His mind raced, running through the faces they’ve encountered and lost these last few days. Or was it weeks? Months? They’ve lost so many through their travels, it’s a wonder why Amy is still here. Those she cared about, perhaps they perished along with the other unlucky souls at the pit in planet Barcelona? Or those who drowned near The Falls? No, she was leading the others towards the Tardis. She couldn’t have seen the way the fire licked through their bodies while they were screaming for rescue. Rescue that I should’ve provided. Those who drowned, what were their names again? It’s only been… no… a week? A week since they drowned, and I’ve already forgotten their names! I swore to protect them and!!! He sat there, eyes looking far and lost, unable to accept how far he has fallen.
~~~
She can tell, by the looks of it, when he realized how deep his cynicism had become. Been there, done that, after all. Yet she couldn’t forgive him. Not when it is this personal, this deep. Seeing Pops alive and well, before the cancer reared its head, was too much, too overwhelming. She could hardly keep herself from lunging and crying towards him; let him cradle her close, assuring her that she is safe within his arms. But she knew enough to know what the consequences were for rewriting time. Not anything good; one mistake was enough. Seeing him die by that pest Silurian’s hands was indescribable. Before that, it was Gran being left behind. Left behind as if replacing for a newer model; the old forgotten and bellied in distrust, as one would think an older model simply could not keep up with its replacement. No, those instances proved how dangerous it is to be with the Doctor: to accept anything he offers, to avoid disappointing him, and strive to be better, at least better by his standards. But they can’t realize their mistake. They can never be who he wants them to be. It is what makes them human, what makes them wonderful. How dare he act all mighty? He is not a god. He should not expect everyone to pander to him, as if their worth was meaningless without his doting.
“What are we to you, Doctor? Those who aren’t Amy, I mean? Are we just little pests to you, replaceable things you may need down the way in case you need to save your Amy?” she spits out.
“Oy! Don’t you dare talk as if you know anything!” Amy cries out, eavesdropping in case the Doctor somehow managed to offend as usual.
She looks to her, her beautiful Amy. “You’ve always been blind to those you love, lovely Amelia Pond,” she mumbled lovingly. “Too blind to see ou-their faults, I think.” The Doctor twitched slightly, however not giving himself away from that all too-telling slip she made, her being too focused on her beloved grandmother. “Those you love, they don’t realize how lucky they are, do they? Especially not him,” head tipping towards the Doctor. “You’ll never give up on them either, won’t you? No matter what they’ve done. I bet if they confessed to killing someone, you would nod and say that they probably deserved it, no further questions asked.” she chuckles mirthlessly, reminiscing about cold nights and warm cuppas still fresh in her mind.
“They don’t deserve it, I hope you know that.”
Looking confused, Amy looks to her, wondering what she was missing. The pain in her eyes apparent, even to strangers, which Amy considered her to be. “Hey, now. I’m not sure where you’re getting your facts, but I’ll tell you now! Not even Rory can escape my wrath when he steals my last pudding.”
“Oy!” exclaims Rory. “Finders keepers!” Amy looks toward him, eyebrow raised, “I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll remember to ask next time.” Rory sheepishly declares.
“Please, Amy. Don’t kid yourself. When Po-Rory broke your favorite vase, you laughed and told him to buy a better one. Never mind how important that vase was to you, given to you by your mother when you came of age, preparing for the onslaught of suitors with their over-priced bouquets or their silly little backroad flowers.”
Shocked and starting to feel belated guilt, Rory turns to Amy confused. Amy just stares at her wonderingly, having told no one about the lost precious memory.
“How could you know that? I never told anyone that.” she asks, now with a suspicious undertone.
She shrugs, tired of this caring-but-not-caring charade, timelines be damned. “I just know stuff.” she mutters.
“Hmm, no. Not ‘just stuff’ like that. Try again.” Amy demands with her arms crossed, as if challenging her to try and talk her way out of it.
This time she laughs, though with just a hint of repressed sadness. She was very familiar with that stance, especially how much trouble she had gotten into during her “stage 2” childhood phase. Never could lie her way out it then; doubts she can do it now either. So, she shrugged, knowing how much the gesture will irate her Gran even more so than what trouble she had caused. Still, it was nice to have this one familiar moment again, she thinks as she contemplates on whether to tell the whole truth, despite knowing the ramifications.
~~~
The Doctor throughout the whole confrontation, just sat there bewildered, and just a little scared. Scared that he might not like the answers that she will provide. Scared of the future, still racing hellishly against time, but never quite beating it no matter how fast and far he runs.
“Don’t.” he finally utters. “I’m sure you are aware of what happens when you try to beat time.”
“Oh, Doctor. Let me give you some advice for the not-so-far future reference.” she smirked. “Never tell me ‘don’t’.” she confesses, laughing all the way.
“So, that’s the gist of it, eh? You are from my future. It’s not the first time. I’ve become a master of recognizing-“
“Spoilers? Yes, I know. Unfortunately.” the Doctor notes the bitter smile that came with that confession.
“Spoilers? You know Melody then, do you? How is our trouble-bound daughter?” Amy inquires hopefully with Rory nodding along, curious and worried about how their daughter was faring since Nazi Germany.
She wonders how long that woman made her Gran and Pops wait this time. She is as selfish as always. “I don’t know, or particularly care actually.” she states, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. “She could be trapped in Tartarus, and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash.”
Amy and Rory balk at that, the malice and hatred clear in her voice. The Doctor looks on contritely, wondering what his wife had done to this girl-what he has done to this girl to incur such malevolent reactions.
“I knew you were terrible, Doctor. I just never thought you were cruel, too,” she said with a tremor in her voice. Brought on by anger or hurt, she did not know. “I hear all these things about you, how magnificent, clever, extraordinary a person that you are,” she spits out. “He’s wonderful, that Doctor! He takes you places! Wonderful places that not even your imagination can create! He’s so brave and kind, too! You should see him save those in need without asking for anything in return. You should see him RUN!” voice mimicking an air-head floozy. “Do they know, Doctor? Do they know how the people around you seem to suffer worse fates than if you had left them alone?”
He flinched, those words striking deep, a truth he cannot deny. Seeing this only made her angrier. “Well?! Do you have anything at all to say for yourself?! Not so clever now, are you?!” she sneers, her seething voice echoing throughout the cavern. “The only two people worth caring about in this fucked up universe, somehow I’ve managed to watch them die twice!!” she cried out in rage.
~~~
His mind raced, running through the faces they’ve encountered and lost these last few days. Or was it weeks? Months? They’ve lost so many through their travels, it’s a wonder why Amy is still here. Those she cared about, perhaps they perished along with the other unlucky souls at the pit in planet Barcelona? Or those who drowned near The Falls? No, she was leading the others towards the Tardis. She couldn’t have seen the way the fire licked through their bodies while they were screaming for rescue. Rescue that I should’ve provided. Those who drowned, what were their names again? It’s only been… no… a week? A week since they drowned, and I’ve already forgotten their names! I swore to protect them and!!! He sat there, eyes looking far and lost, unable to accept how far he has fallen.
~~~
She can tell, by the looks of it, when he realized how deep his cynicism had become. Been there, done that, after all. Yet she couldn’t forgive him. Not when it is this personal, this deep. Seeing Pops alive and well, before the cancer reared its head, was too much, too overwhelming. She could hardly keep herself from lunging and crying towards him; let him cradle her close, assuring her that she is safe within his arms. But she knew enough to know what the consequences were for rewriting time. Not anything good; one mistake was enough. Seeing him die by that pest Silurian’s hands was indescribable. Before that, it was Gran being left behind. Left behind as if replacing for a newer model; the old forgotten and bellied in distrust, as one would think an older model simply could not keep up with its replacement. No, those instances proved how dangerous it is to be with the Doctor: to accept anything he offers, to avoid disappointing him, and strive to be better, at least better by his standards. But they can’t realize their mistake. They can never be who he wants them to be. It is what makes them human, what makes them wonderful. How dare he act all mighty? He is not a god. He should not expect everyone to pander to him, as if their worth was meaningless without his doting.
“What are we to you, Doctor? Those who aren’t Amy, I mean? Are we just little pests to you, replaceable things you may need down the way in case you need to save your Amy?” she spits out.
“Oy! Don’t you dare talk as if you know anything!” Amy cries out, eavesdropping in case the Doctor somehow managed to offend as usual.
She looks to her, her beautiful Amy. “You’ve always been blind to those you love, lovely Amelia Pond,” she mumbled lovingly. “Too blind to see ou-their faults, I think.” The Doctor twitched slightly, however not giving himself away from that all too-telling slip she made, her being too focused on her beloved grandmother. “Those you love, they don’t realize how lucky they are, do they? Especially not him,” head tipping towards the Doctor. “You’ll never give up on them either, won’t you? No matter what they’ve done. I bet if they confessed to killing someone, you would nod and say that they probably deserved it, no further questions asked.” she chuckles mirthlessly, reminiscing about cold nights and warm cuppas still fresh in her mind.
“They don’t deserve it, I hope you know that.”
Looking confused, Amy looks to her, wondering what she was missing. The pain in her eyes apparent, even to strangers, which Amy considered her to be. “Hey, now. I’m not sure where you’re getting your facts, but I’ll tell you now! Not even Rory can escape my wrath when he steals my last pudding.”
“Oy!” exclaims Rory. “Finders keepers!” Amy looks toward him, eyebrow raised, “I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll remember to ask next time.” Rory sheepishly declares.
“Please, Amy. Don’t kid yourself. When Po-Rory broke your favorite vase, you laughed and told him to buy a better one. Never mind how important that vase was to you, given to you by your mother when you came of age, preparing for the onslaught of suitors with their over-priced bouquets or their silly little backroad flowers.”
Shocked and starting to feel belated guilt, Rory turns to Amy confused. Amy just stares at her wonderingly, having told no one about the lost precious memory.
“How could you know that? I never told anyone that.” she asks, now with a suspicious undertone.
She shrugs, tired of this caring-but-not-caring charade, timelines be damned. “I just know stuff.” she mutters.
“Hmm, no. Not ‘just stuff’ like that. Try again.” Amy demands with her arms crossed, as if challenging her to try and talk her way out of it.
This time she laughs, though with just a hint of repressed sadness. She was very familiar with that stance, especially how much trouble she had gotten into during her “stage 2” childhood phase. Never could lie her way out it then; doubts she can do it now either. So, she shrugged, knowing how much the gesture will irate her Gran even more so than what trouble she had caused. Still, it was nice to have this one familiar moment again, she thinks as she contemplates on whether to tell the whole truth, despite knowing the ramifications.
~~~
The Doctor throughout the whole confrontation, just sat there bewildered, and just a little scared. Scared that he might not like the answers that she will provide. Scared of the future, still racing hellishly against time, but never quite beating it no matter how fast and far he runs.
“Don’t.” he finally utters. “I’m sure you are aware of what happens when you try to beat time.”
“Oh, Doctor. Let me give you some advice for the not-so-far future reference.” she smirked. “Never tell me ‘don’t’.” she confesses, laughing all the way.
“So, that’s the gist of it, eh? You are from my future. It’s not the first time. I’ve become a master of recognizing-“
“Spoilers? Yes, I know. Unfortunately.” the Doctor notes the bitter smile that came with that confession.
“Spoilers? You know Melody then, do you? How is our trouble-bound daughter?” Amy inquires hopefully with Rory nodding along, curious and worried about how their daughter was faring since Nazi Germany.
She wonders how long that woman made her Gran and Pops wait this time. She is as selfish as always. “I don’t know, or particularly care actually.” she states, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. “She could be trapped in Tartarus, and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash.”
Amy and Rory balk at that, the malice and hatred clear in her voice. The Doctor looks on contritely, wondering what his wife had done to this girl-what he has done to this girl to incur such malevolent reactions.