..this is about what i've always written
I had a dream that my gma told me that my mother died...i sat without expression trying to find the feeling
sad? no
Happy? no
Confused? not a chance
they told me that she had a severe back injury and she felll rock climbing...this did not suprise me for my mother did like climbing mountians..I think it gave her a sense of seperiority that our sociaty would never allow...I woke up wondering..what would i do at her funeral...I know what....
"clear the room everyone" .....(everyone looks) "leave"...."my mother, my time" ...when the crowd around me began to the back staring at me i started towards my birth mother...and there I layed.....yelling "Im not crying for you ....Im not!!"...but really I was crying for the pictures of her...the ones where she looks like me...its gonna happen soon...she's dying a little more each breath...the cigarettes, the smoke she's trapped herself in, the drugs she's poured herself into...the kids that weren't worth it....she truelly did defy normacy..and for that i keep her genetics..I've never been normal ......."forgive my father mom, you out of us will see him" ..out of me and my mother....she gets tyo see him...i would gladly swim in fire to see him...and i am taught to choose the sky..."Mother, you want to know why I'm an athiest?" .."oh so now you want to know...well, I'll tell you..." .... (tear runs down my eyelined baggy eyes, depressed from sleep for the thought of this moment) "if there was a god...I'll never see my father, not like i try and want...but you? beleiving in god makes you a walking sin....you are hells spokesperson, and I your child, envy you for the father you left and when in death, will return to" ..."I thought of wrintting you a letter".."i thought to write a poem"...."art hates you so i speak in words i try to keep here where my friends only deal with the written word and not my depthy sonet"...."for the people waiting to know what i'm doing to you, I say nothing...i had siad hello wheni was born and all you did was walk to take possesion of what you can manipulate...i already said my goodbyes..I did that after yours were due..."
I'm ready Mary...go ahead..Im ready...
sad? no
Happy? no
Confused? not a chance
they told me that she had a severe back injury and she felll rock climbing...this did not suprise me for my mother did like climbing mountians..I think it gave her a sense of seperiority that our sociaty would never allow...I woke up wondering..what would i do at her funeral...I know what....
"clear the room everyone" .....(everyone looks) "leave"...."my mother, my time" ...when the crowd around me began to the back staring at me i started towards my birth mother...and there I layed.....yelling "Im not crying for you ....Im not!!"...but really I was crying for the pictures of her...the ones where she looks like me...its gonna happen soon...she's dying a little more each breath...the cigarettes, the smoke she's trapped herself in, the drugs she's poured herself into...the kids that weren't worth it....she truelly did defy normacy..and for that i keep her genetics..I've never been normal ......."forgive my father mom, you out of us will see him" ..out of me and my mother....she gets tyo see him...i would gladly swim in fire to see him...and i am taught to choose the sky..."Mother, you want to know why I'm an athiest?" .."oh so now you want to know...well, I'll tell you..." .... (tear runs down my eyelined baggy eyes, depressed from sleep for the thought of this moment) "if there was a god...I'll never see my father, not like i try and want...but you? beleiving in god makes you a walking sin....you are hells spokesperson, and I your child, envy you for the father you left and when in death, will return to" ..."I thought of wrintting you a letter".."i thought to write a poem"...."art hates you so i speak in words i try to keep here where my friends only deal with the written word and not my depthy sonet"...."for the people waiting to know what i'm doing to you, I say nothing...i had siad hello wheni was born and all you did was walk to take possesion of what you can manipulate...i already said my goodbyes..I did that after yours were due..."
I'm ready Mary...go ahead..Im ready...