Still I Feel the Same...
Well, only 50 minutes till school ends and I still want to ditch it. Today started off great actually. I got tons of sleep and I felt energized when I woke up...at 4:30 A.M. I'm not really feelings much right now...mostly I just feel relaxed..not good but definitly not bad. It's how deal with most problems...calm myself, relax and think about it...this ones a toughy though.
What I need to do is figure out is how to pin point exactly why I do this to people... why I become a jerk when I get to know someone real well. It seems that I am just scared of relationships and my way of dealing with it is by making sure they don't like me. Of couse when someone really likes you that doesn't work because it makes them want to help you even more...I know this and still I do it.
When I go home...I'm not taking n e calls...not going on the chat rooms or anything...just a day to listen to music, do homework, relax, and of course smoke. I think it's what I need...maybe I'll be able to solve this issue I've had. It sounds dramatic but it's really not. I'm not worried bout it...if you could hear my tone of voice it's not that horrible to me. Maybe thats part of the problem though...maybe because I am not dealing with it and telling myself I it's bad I am being an asshole subconciously. But when I think about it...cmon I am being an asshole..what do I need to do? Stop bitching, being a dick, and get the fuck over it....possibly....Maybe
*changalla*
What I need to do is figure out is how to pin point exactly why I do this to people... why I become a jerk when I get to know someone real well. It seems that I am just scared of relationships and my way of dealing with it is by making sure they don't like me. Of couse when someone really likes you that doesn't work because it makes them want to help you even more...I know this and still I do it.
When I go home...I'm not taking n e calls...not going on the chat rooms or anything...just a day to listen to music, do homework, relax, and of course smoke. I think it's what I need...maybe I'll be able to solve this issue I've had. It sounds dramatic but it's really not. I'm not worried bout it...if you could hear my tone of voice it's not that horrible to me. Maybe thats part of the problem though...maybe because I am not dealing with it and telling myself I it's bad I am being an asshole subconciously. But when I think about it...cmon I am being an asshole..what do I need to do? Stop bitching, being a dick, and get the fuck over it....possibly....Maybe
*changalla*