So much for devotion
*sigh* I tried with Patrick. I really did. I just dont know that I could or should do it anymore. I've been told by everyone that I dont deserve this and I think I'm starting to think so too. I mean I've been told by NUMEROUS people NUMEROUS times that he's cheating on me and now he flat out does it right under my nose. On top of it, he's a violent drunk and the last time I saw him drunk it resulted in me having to just punch him in the jaw because he was being a belligerent fool.
ON TO THE SOLUTION: I'm moving out to Arizona for a while. I'm not going for like a month but I really am going. I've been offered a job, place to live and $ for the ticket out there. I cant pass this up.
At this point the only person who could convince me to stay is Mike, and I HATE to say that. I thought I'd been over it, I thought it had just been a little childhood thing. I grew up with mike. He was my childhood best friend's older brother and I'd had a crush on him since I was like 8. Finally about 5 years after all of us had really hung out. Kaitlin (my old best friend), Mike (her older brother) and I all went and partied for new years. Shortly after doing this I was SOOO not ready to go to bed so I asked to see if I could go hang out with either of them after the party. Kaitlin had to get up for church the next day so the obvious person was Mike.
This was perfect... and I was starting to get all giggly around him again. Basically we ended up lying in bed talking, staring at eachother and giggling all night until about... 8am when he turns and says "I really want to kiss you". WHAT?!?!! Wow I hadnt been so shocked since my mother told me she was pregnant. I guess that was exactly what the look on my face said because he quickly followed up with "is that way too weird?" HAHAHA YES!!! *sigh* I dont know what he was thinking and I CERTAINLY dont know what I was thinking but... basically after about 20 more minutes of staring and giggling at eachother I said "If you are going to kiss me just do it already" Haha, as if I had been waiting for him to do it all along.
So he did. And so I did, and there we were. And it *was* weird. Weird, surreal and strangely not what I had pictured yet everything I'd always wanted.
High school is a mess too. I'm WAY to preoccupied and lazy to do it. I dont want to, I dont need to, I dont think I will.
I work SO MUCH. I dont know why I cant consolidate all these days of short hours to few days with long hours.
THESE THINGS are exactly why I'm moving. That and half of all of my friends are just flakey bastards that dont deserve the title of friend. Aside from Martin (who I miss and love), Ian (who needs to stop being a bastard), and Nicole (who is the most awesome chick ever), I should have stuck with my santa barbara friends. This goes with the exception of blue and wonka in the la/arizona/florida areas. Alright, that's my semi-yearly rant about how much my life sucks and how I'm going to change it. Later
ON TO THE SOLUTION: I'm moving out to Arizona for a while. I'm not going for like a month but I really am going. I've been offered a job, place to live and $ for the ticket out there. I cant pass this up.
At this point the only person who could convince me to stay is Mike, and I HATE to say that. I thought I'd been over it, I thought it had just been a little childhood thing. I grew up with mike. He was my childhood best friend's older brother and I'd had a crush on him since I was like 8. Finally about 5 years after all of us had really hung out. Kaitlin (my old best friend), Mike (her older brother) and I all went and partied for new years. Shortly after doing this I was SOOO not ready to go to bed so I asked to see if I could go hang out with either of them after the party. Kaitlin had to get up for church the next day so the obvious person was Mike.
This was perfect... and I was starting to get all giggly around him again. Basically we ended up lying in bed talking, staring at eachother and giggling all night until about... 8am when he turns and says "I really want to kiss you". WHAT?!?!! Wow I hadnt been so shocked since my mother told me she was pregnant. I guess that was exactly what the look on my face said because he quickly followed up with "is that way too weird?" HAHAHA YES!!! *sigh* I dont know what he was thinking and I CERTAINLY dont know what I was thinking but... basically after about 20 more minutes of staring and giggling at eachother I said "If you are going to kiss me just do it already" Haha, as if I had been waiting for him to do it all along.
So he did. And so I did, and there we were. And it *was* weird. Weird, surreal and strangely not what I had pictured yet everything I'd always wanted.
High school is a mess too. I'm WAY to preoccupied and lazy to do it. I dont want to, I dont need to, I dont think I will.
I work SO MUCH. I dont know why I cant consolidate all these days of short hours to few days with long hours.
THESE THINGS are exactly why I'm moving. That and half of all of my friends are just flakey bastards that dont deserve the title of friend. Aside from Martin (who I miss and love), Ian (who needs to stop being a bastard), and Nicole (who is the most awesome chick ever), I should have stuck with my santa barbara friends. This goes with the exception of blue and wonka in the la/arizona/florida areas. Alright, that's my semi-yearly rant about how much my life sucks and how I'm going to change it. Later