Feel free to ask whatever you like.
It's funny the way that things work. Sometimes it's almost horrible.
Alright well, I really dont know where to start so I guess I'll just spit it out: sometimes I think that things just shouldnt have taken place. If I had spent ten more minutes doing this, never gone there, or eaten before runnning out of the house this morning; would that few seconds, minute, or half hour have made the difference in what was to come?
And how do we cope with the things we never realized we'd lost to begin with?
OKAY OKAY! Now for the point.
I really dont think I should be with Patrick. I think I made some dire mistake and it was never supposed to happen. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I believe that everything happens for a reason but I really, truly do not believe that the sequence of events that took place the weeks including and following halloween came in the right order. That or something that was not supposed to take place did or vice versa.
I miss Chris. And it's horrible, because I really didnt know Chris, but things just seemed so... nice when we met and then he simply... disappeared.
Contrary to what most people think this was not boozehound. Though it was very easy to make it seem that way when Patrick and I got together because Boozehound and I had been sleeping together pretty regularily prior to the Patrick thing, he's 27 and his name is Chris.
Ironically the Chris that I miss is also 27 and was around in the week just prior to my meeting patrick.
I just feel like I'm missing something. Something that could have been. Like I was deprived of an opportunity that passed just that close. I mean shit, he was sweet, gentle, strong, polite and fun. He knew how to make me feel like I was everything I've ever wanted to be.
It's like Justin all over again. Since then I have heard two pieces of news on him. The first was a discussion that I had with Ian saying that Chris wanted to wait until I was 18 to start dating (and that he would wait for me) and that he had a necklace for me. And the second piece of news was from Badger saying that he'd seen him lately.
It's funny considering the day that Badger said that was the day I met Patrick. Ever since I met patrick he and I have been together. Granted, I love Patrick... I think. There's always that part of me that hates him because he's not Chris. I resent him because I feel like I have to make due with what I have and that Chris was taken away from me. God only knows what happened to Chris, and maybe someday he'll come back but damnit... I just dont know what to do. I feel as if the hand I've been dealt has been tampered with, but do I play it anyway and overcome or do I run and hide?
There really is only one person who has the power to give me any solace on this matter the only problem with it is that he is hopelessly practical and always right and I dont know if that is what I want to hear. I know I need to hear it, and I would certainly appreciate the wisdom behind it so I think I'll let him in on this. I'm just so.... lost on this. I just wish Chris would come back and that Patrick would disappear.
Chris is just such a good man. Damnit.
Alright well, I really dont know where to start so I guess I'll just spit it out: sometimes I think that things just shouldnt have taken place. If I had spent ten more minutes doing this, never gone there, or eaten before runnning out of the house this morning; would that few seconds, minute, or half hour have made the difference in what was to come?
And how do we cope with the things we never realized we'd lost to begin with?
OKAY OKAY! Now for the point.
I really dont think I should be with Patrick. I think I made some dire mistake and it was never supposed to happen. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I believe that everything happens for a reason but I really, truly do not believe that the sequence of events that took place the weeks including and following halloween came in the right order. That or something that was not supposed to take place did or vice versa.
I miss Chris. And it's horrible, because I really didnt know Chris, but things just seemed so... nice when we met and then he simply... disappeared.
Contrary to what most people think this was not boozehound. Though it was very easy to make it seem that way when Patrick and I got together because Boozehound and I had been sleeping together pretty regularily prior to the Patrick thing, he's 27 and his name is Chris.
Ironically the Chris that I miss is also 27 and was around in the week just prior to my meeting patrick.
I just feel like I'm missing something. Something that could have been. Like I was deprived of an opportunity that passed just that close. I mean shit, he was sweet, gentle, strong, polite and fun. He knew how to make me feel like I was everything I've ever wanted to be.
It's like Justin all over again. Since then I have heard two pieces of news on him. The first was a discussion that I had with Ian saying that Chris wanted to wait until I was 18 to start dating (and that he would wait for me) and that he had a necklace for me. And the second piece of news was from Badger saying that he'd seen him lately.
It's funny considering the day that Badger said that was the day I met Patrick. Ever since I met patrick he and I have been together. Granted, I love Patrick... I think. There's always that part of me that hates him because he's not Chris. I resent him because I feel like I have to make due with what I have and that Chris was taken away from me. God only knows what happened to Chris, and maybe someday he'll come back but damnit... I just dont know what to do. I feel as if the hand I've been dealt has been tampered with, but do I play it anyway and overcome or do I run and hide?
There really is only one person who has the power to give me any solace on this matter the only problem with it is that he is hopelessly practical and always right and I dont know if that is what I want to hear. I know I need to hear it, and I would certainly appreciate the wisdom behind it so I think I'll let him in on this. I'm just so.... lost on this. I just wish Chris would come back and that Patrick would disappear.
Chris is just such a good man. Damnit.