I feel a need to return to this
My hand gets really tired writing and writing in my diary.
I haven't written in that in a while either.
Well, to be honest, I'm in a crappy mood. I feel utterly pathetic, and even moreso having to sit here, and type this because I have nothing else to fucking do. I'm so sick of being tied to this internet, and no matter how much i tell myself-i'm here because of my multiple friends, it's not true. I'm here because im lame and without a life.
It doesn't suck to be at an all girl's school. it really doesn't. just sometimes i wish i was like the majority of girls at my school: they know guys, they have boyfriends, they have lives-why don't i? Sure..i know people online-but that proves nothing. it proves I can't fend for myself and find friendship out of school and computer.
I quit ffr chat. I couldn't take it-what was i doing...every friday night-sitting in front of the computer until the middle of the night, talking to people from god know's where on some stupid chat. I felt pathetic. I feel pathetic. I'm starting to hate myself.
Why am I told I'm pretty online-when I don't get that irl? Maybe that's why I like it online, people actually approach me, persay, and talk to me. They give me a chance. I'm not that unapproachable..am I? I start to question myself a lot. I guess I just gotta be me for..me. And no one else. The time will come when I'm content, until then, let's all suffer. ah. well.
I just want to enjoy my teenage years as they last, I know they'll go soon. And one day..I'll look back on this..and be: Why didn't I do something else? AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THAT.
I should go. I'm tired. and irritated.
I haven't written in that in a while either.
Well, to be honest, I'm in a crappy mood. I feel utterly pathetic, and even moreso having to sit here, and type this because I have nothing else to fucking do. I'm so sick of being tied to this internet, and no matter how much i tell myself-i'm here because of my multiple friends, it's not true. I'm here because im lame and without a life.
It doesn't suck to be at an all girl's school. it really doesn't. just sometimes i wish i was like the majority of girls at my school: they know guys, they have boyfriends, they have lives-why don't i? Sure..i know people online-but that proves nothing. it proves I can't fend for myself and find friendship out of school and computer.
I quit ffr chat. I couldn't take it-what was i doing...every friday night-sitting in front of the computer until the middle of the night, talking to people from god know's where on some stupid chat. I felt pathetic. I feel pathetic. I'm starting to hate myself.
Why am I told I'm pretty online-when I don't get that irl? Maybe that's why I like it online, people actually approach me, persay, and talk to me. They give me a chance. I'm not that unapproachable..am I? I start to question myself a lot. I guess I just gotta be me for..me. And no one else. The time will come when I'm content, until then, let's all suffer. ah. well.
I just want to enjoy my teenage years as they last, I know they'll go soon. And one day..I'll look back on this..and be: Why didn't I do something else? AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THAT.
I should go. I'm tired. and irritated.