"...Till I come marching home."
Sunday
(a) Waking up
Woo. No hangover. Room still like a sauna, though. Wandered around like a zombie. Had various tiny woes. Got dressed. Had giant woe. Katie made me toast and juice and calmed me. Shoved stuff onto the Sale table with a sternly worded sign about it not being open yet. Caroline opened her bookstall: cue a mad rush for cheque books.
Me: Hmm. I have A World of Girls, and I see Caroline has A World of Women for sale.
Me: Hmm.
Me: I think I would like to read this book.
Me: I think I may buy this book.
Me: HELEN!
Helen: What?
Me: Come hither.
Helen: [comes hither]
Me: This is A World of Women.
Helen: Ooh. That looks interesting.
Me: I think so too.
Helen: I wish to read it.
Me: I wish to buy it.
Helen: OK. That works out well. I will borrow it.
Me: OK. I’m going to get my cheque book.
Me: GUARD THIS BOOK WITH YOUR LIFE!!
Helen: OK.
Me: [fetches cheque book]
Me: [returns]
Helen: [gazes blankly at book]
Me: Thank you for guarding my book, Helen.
Helen: I think I have this book.
Me: Oh. Well, do you?
Helen: I don’t know.
Helen: HEATHER! HEEEEATHEEERRRRR!!
Heather: What?
Helen: Come hither.
Heather: [comes hither]
Helen: Do I own this book?
Heather: [stares]
Helen: I think I lent it to you once.
Heather: Maybe.
Me: [is vexed]
Me: Do you own this book?!!
Helen: Maybe. Or maybe I own the first book. Or maybe I still need to read the book. I DON’T KNOW.
Me: I have the first book. You may borrow it.
Helen: Thank you. I think I have the second book. You may borrow it.
Me: I should not have fetched my cheque book.
Helen: Twas a foolish move.
Me: Yes.
Me & Helen: [depart stall without buying anything]
(b) Fifteen-to-One
Pim: I am playing this merely for the glowsticks.
Rosie: I too am chiefly engaging with the glowsticks.
Gnome: Glowsticks!
Beth: I know actual answers.
Vikki: I know answers too.
Lesley: Hey! I have an answer!
Helen: I do not know how many kittens Minette had.
Beth: I know the name of the boat on which Carola was meant to sail.
Everyone: [is amazed]
Gnome: GLOWSTICKS!
Rosie: I am covered in fluorescent paint.
Everyone: OMG ROSIE WILL DIE FROM FLUORESCENT PAINT!!!
Everyone: [talks a great deal]
Everyone: [misbehaves generally]
Catharine: I fear this game is not being played according to the official rules.
Me: I have just realised I do not know the rules to this game.
Katherine: I have just realised I do not know the rules to this game either.
Me: I suspect there may therefore have been a flaw in our planning of this event.
Katherine: I suspect you are right.
Pim: I am going to make a Death Star out of glowsticks.
Rosie: [is dying from fluorescent paint]
Me: [has lost track of game entirely]
Me: QUESTION OR NOMINATE?
Me: I do not even know what this means.
Me: Or to whom I am speaking.
Everyone: [makes noise and misbehaves]
Me: [weeps]
Vikki: [wins]
(c) Lunch
We ate lunch. Baked potatoes, butter, cheese, red onion and tuna. Yum.
(d) Raffle in aid of Tiny Burning Australian Children
Having finished my lunch in 3 nanoseconds, I proceeded to draw the raffle with the help of various not particularly glamorous assistants. Fortunately, there had been the sorting of raffle slips into cups the night before by various minions (for which help much thanks), so it all went very smoothly and I was very strict and terse and it took all of about 10 minutes. I won a book! It was very exciting. [As a side note, we raised about £500 (final total to follow once I’ve done the posting and worked it out), so many, many thanks to everyone who donated items and bought tickets. Any winners who weren’t at the gather will be notified this evening if they won a prize.]
(e) Tidying Up
I did a tiny bit of tidying up in the morning, and then left it to other people because of (a) organising things and (b) being shit at tidying. I did however collect together gathery stuff and my own belongings etc so woo. So, other people tidied and washed up and stuff, and I was vexed by Pim and Gnome. And then people fucked off and we all went home.
(f) Ikea
Except that’s a lie, because once we’d wedged ourselves into Kathye’s car, we decided to go to Ikea.
Kathye: We need to go to Ikea.
Me, Katie & Katherine: OK.
Kathye: Darren has given me a tiny, tiny list. It’s just glasses.
Me, Katie & Katherine: OK.
Roundabout: [is confusing]
Roundabout: [is still confusing]
Another Roundabout: [is also confusing]
Everyone: We have no idea where we are.
Me: [is knowledgeable]
Me: I think we need to go that way. Down Saxon Street.
Kathye: [drives]
Kathye: [drives some more]
Me: Um. I did actually mean it.
Kathye: Oh.
Kathye: [drives back]
Ikea: HERE I AM!! I AM ALL BLUE AND YELLOW AND TEMPTING.
Everyone: We love you, Ikea!
Kathye: [finds glasses]
Katie: [finds plate to replace broken one]
Me: [finds napkins]
Me: [finds 3 pairs of scissors for 77p]
Me: [finds fitted sheet]
Me: Can I buy mixing bowls?
Katie: Still no.
Me: I love Ikea.
Katie: I love this rug.
Me: I love this rug too.
Katie: We should buy this rug.
Me: We totally should.
Katie: But how would we get it in the car?
Me: It would fit on the roof.
Katie: This is true.
Me: And…
Katie: …if we’re involving the roof…
Me: …we could totally get the cabinet thing we’ve been wanting in our living room FOR TWO YEARS.
Katie: So we could finally unpack that box that has been in a corner FOR TWO YEARS!!
Katie: [is indescribably happy at the thought]
Me & Katie: [go and investigate cabinet]
Me & Katie: [are pleased by cabinet]
Katie: I wish to buy this.
Me: I wish to buy this too.
Katie: We should go and find Kathye.
Me: Yes. Good plan, Batman.
Me & Katie: [return to just past previous rug location]
Katie: Kathye will be further on than this.
Me: No, I think she will still be back there.
Kathye: [is still back there]
Katie: Kathye, whom we love so much, please may we take a cabinet home on the roof.
Kathye: I do not like things on the roof.
Me & Katie: But you love us.
Kathye: But I love you, so I will.
Everyone: [hugs]
Katherine: I notice I am chiefly absent from this dialogue.
Me: This is true. I cannot remember what you were looking at at this stage.
Everyone: Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me…
Katie: I hate that song.
Everyone: …anyone else but me…
Me: [finds tray]
Everyone: [pays for things]
Everyone: …anyone else but me…
Me & Katie: [buy salmon paste]
Katherine: [buys crisps]
Kathye: [buys biscuits]
Me: [buys hotdog]
Everyone: …No, no, no, don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me…
Car: [is completely full]
M1: [is completely broken]
M25: [is completely busy]
Everyone: …till I come marching home!
Epilogue
Cabinet: [is gradually constructed with many muttered imprecations]
Freezer: [has bizarrely defrosted over course of weekend]
Food: [is partly ruined, but partly OK]
Rug: [is very curly at ends but fits in hall]
Flat: [smells of wee on account of narcissi bought by mater]
Tiny triangolini crackers with Ikea salmon paste: [are delicious]
THE END
(a) Waking up
Woo. No hangover. Room still like a sauna, though. Wandered around like a zombie. Had various tiny woes. Got dressed. Had giant woe. Katie made me toast and juice and calmed me. Shoved stuff onto the Sale table with a sternly worded sign about it not being open yet. Caroline opened her bookstall: cue a mad rush for cheque books.
Me: Hmm. I have A World of Girls, and I see Caroline has A World of Women for sale.
Me: Hmm.
Me: I think I would like to read this book.
Me: I think I may buy this book.
Me: HELEN!
Helen: What?
Me: Come hither.
Helen: [comes hither]
Me: This is A World of Women.
Helen: Ooh. That looks interesting.
Me: I think so too.
Helen: I wish to read it.
Me: I wish to buy it.
Helen: OK. That works out well. I will borrow it.
Me: OK. I’m going to get my cheque book.
Me: GUARD THIS BOOK WITH YOUR LIFE!!
Helen: OK.
Me: [fetches cheque book]
Me: [returns]
Helen: [gazes blankly at book]
Me: Thank you for guarding my book, Helen.
Helen: I think I have this book.
Me: Oh. Well, do you?
Helen: I don’t know.
Helen: HEATHER! HEEEEATHEEERRRRR!!
Heather: What?
Helen: Come hither.
Heather: [comes hither]
Helen: Do I own this book?
Heather: [stares]
Helen: I think I lent it to you once.
Heather: Maybe.
Me: [is vexed]
Me: Do you own this book?!!
Helen: Maybe. Or maybe I own the first book. Or maybe I still need to read the book. I DON’T KNOW.
Me: I have the first book. You may borrow it.
Helen: Thank you. I think I have the second book. You may borrow it.
Me: I should not have fetched my cheque book.
Helen: Twas a foolish move.
Me: Yes.
Me & Helen: [depart stall without buying anything]
(b) Fifteen-to-One
Pim: I am playing this merely for the glowsticks.
Rosie: I too am chiefly engaging with the glowsticks.
Gnome: Glowsticks!
Beth: I know actual answers.
Vikki: I know answers too.
Lesley: Hey! I have an answer!
Helen: I do not know how many kittens Minette had.
Beth: I know the name of the boat on which Carola was meant to sail.
Everyone: [is amazed]
Gnome: GLOWSTICKS!
Rosie: I am covered in fluorescent paint.
Everyone: OMG ROSIE WILL DIE FROM FLUORESCENT PAINT!!!
Everyone: [talks a great deal]
Everyone: [misbehaves generally]
Catharine: I fear this game is not being played according to the official rules.
Me: I have just realised I do not know the rules to this game.
Katherine: I have just realised I do not know the rules to this game either.
Me: I suspect there may therefore have been a flaw in our planning of this event.
Katherine: I suspect you are right.
Pim: I am going to make a Death Star out of glowsticks.
Rosie: [is dying from fluorescent paint]
Me: [has lost track of game entirely]
Me: QUESTION OR NOMINATE?
Me: I do not even know what this means.
Me: Or to whom I am speaking.
Everyone: [makes noise and misbehaves]
Me: [weeps]
Vikki: [wins]
(c) Lunch
We ate lunch. Baked potatoes, butter, cheese, red onion and tuna. Yum.
(d) Raffle in aid of Tiny Burning Australian Children
Having finished my lunch in 3 nanoseconds, I proceeded to draw the raffle with the help of various not particularly glamorous assistants. Fortunately, there had been the sorting of raffle slips into cups the night before by various minions (for which help much thanks), so it all went very smoothly and I was very strict and terse and it took all of about 10 minutes. I won a book! It was very exciting. [As a side note, we raised about £500 (final total to follow once I’ve done the posting and worked it out), so many, many thanks to everyone who donated items and bought tickets. Any winners who weren’t at the gather will be notified this evening if they won a prize.]
(e) Tidying Up
I did a tiny bit of tidying up in the morning, and then left it to other people because of (a) organising things and (b) being shit at tidying. I did however collect together gathery stuff and my own belongings etc so woo. So, other people tidied and washed up and stuff, and I was vexed by Pim and Gnome. And then people fucked off and we all went home.
(f) Ikea
Except that’s a lie, because once we’d wedged ourselves into Kathye’s car, we decided to go to Ikea.
Kathye: We need to go to Ikea.
Me, Katie & Katherine: OK.
Kathye: Darren has given me a tiny, tiny list. It’s just glasses.
Me, Katie & Katherine: OK.
Roundabout: [is confusing]
Roundabout: [is still confusing]
Another Roundabout: [is also confusing]
Everyone: We have no idea where we are.
Me: [is knowledgeable]
Me: I think we need to go that way. Down Saxon Street.
Kathye: [drives]
Kathye: [drives some more]
Me: Um. I did actually mean it.
Kathye: Oh.
Kathye: [drives back]
Ikea: HERE I AM!! I AM ALL BLUE AND YELLOW AND TEMPTING.
Everyone: We love you, Ikea!
Kathye: [finds glasses]
Katie: [finds plate to replace broken one]
Me: [finds napkins]
Me: [finds 3 pairs of scissors for 77p]
Me: [finds fitted sheet]
Me: Can I buy mixing bowls?
Katie: Still no.
Me: I love Ikea.
Katie: I love this rug.
Me: I love this rug too.
Katie: We should buy this rug.
Me: We totally should.
Katie: But how would we get it in the car?
Me: It would fit on the roof.
Katie: This is true.
Me: And…
Katie: …if we’re involving the roof…
Me: …we could totally get the cabinet thing we’ve been wanting in our living room FOR TWO YEARS.
Katie: So we could finally unpack that box that has been in a corner FOR TWO YEARS!!
Katie: [is indescribably happy at the thought]
Me & Katie: [go and investigate cabinet]
Me & Katie: [are pleased by cabinet]
Katie: I wish to buy this.
Me: I wish to buy this too.
Katie: We should go and find Kathye.
Me: Yes. Good plan, Batman.
Me & Katie: [return to just past previous rug location]
Katie: Kathye will be further on than this.
Me: No, I think she will still be back there.
Kathye: [is still back there]
Katie: Kathye, whom we love so much, please may we take a cabinet home on the roof.
Kathye: I do not like things on the roof.
Me & Katie: But you love us.
Kathye: But I love you, so I will.
Everyone: [hugs]
Katherine: I notice I am chiefly absent from this dialogue.
Me: This is true. I cannot remember what you were looking at at this stage.
Everyone: Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me…
Katie: I hate that song.
Everyone: …anyone else but me…
Me: [finds tray]
Everyone: [pays for things]
Everyone: …anyone else but me…
Me & Katie: [buy salmon paste]
Katherine: [buys crisps]
Kathye: [buys biscuits]
Me: [buys hotdog]
Everyone: …No, no, no, don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me…
Car: [is completely full]
M1: [is completely broken]
M25: [is completely busy]
Everyone: …till I come marching home!
Epilogue
Cabinet: [is gradually constructed with many muttered imprecations]
Freezer: [has bizarrely defrosted over course of weekend]
Food: [is partly ruined, but partly OK]
Rug: [is very curly at ends but fits in hall]
Flat: [smells of wee on account of narcissi bought by mater]
Tiny triangolini crackers with Ikea salmon paste: [are delicious]
THE END